Frank?

Um???

Frank.

Well, I did buy that swimsuit. I guess I am now Frank. Frank is an extra large Chinese woman, FYI.

Fantasy Island, Where Dreams Really Do Come True

Saturday, EvylRobot and I made the questionable decision to head down to a particular flea market that we don’t generally frequent. It’s not exactly in our normal stomping grounds. One of the establishments we pass between here and there in a nightclub known as Fantasy Island.

Overheard in the car:

ER: That doesn’t really look like much of a fantasy

Me: Well, unless your idea of a fantasy includes syphilis.

ER: *snicker*

And so you can imagine my giggles when this story popped up as breaking news.

Last week, a task force raided Fantasy Island and wrote more than 20 citations ranging from possession of firearms to illicit sexual conduct.

Nice place, there.

Goodbye? Perhaps

Edited to add: 2nd place and no one died!

I’ve officially lost my mind and may have to call in dead on Monday.

That’s the message I just sent my boss. Yes, he was just as confused as you are.

You see, I just registered for a 5K.

I don’t run.

It’s taking place tomorrow.

There’s a decal.

HftH2015

Have I mentioned that I don’t run? Ok, there was the one time with the silver medal*.

Yeah.

But it’s for a good cause. You can support my madness here.

You’ll find my body somewhere near Lake Hefner. It has been a while since I’ve made an entry into the injuries category.

*I found the medal. I’ll add a picture later.

The Office Food Thief

(To the Tune of My Favorite Things)

Left-over pizza and take out Chinese Food,

Nevermind stealing a lunch is just plain rude.

All of the Styrofoam stacked in the fridge,

No one will notice if I have a smidge.

*chorus*

When the work’s hard.

I can’t manage.

When the boss is mad.

I simply remember the things in the fridge,

And then I don’t feel so bad.

*chorus*

Cream filled confections,

And crisp apple strudels.

Big plates of lasagna,

And meatballs with noodles.

All of these leftovers I can salvage.

This is what I find when I raid the fridge.

*chorus*

Homemade creations,

Hot pockets a-plenty.

There’s so much food here,

I never feel guilty.

I’m doing my part preventing spoilage,

Otherwise there would be stink in the fridge.

*chorus*

 

I can’t remember whether or not I had shared this previously, but it came up in conversation around the office. Enjoy!

Conversations Without Context

Me: *Digging through bag pulling out various items*

Friend: Was that a bottle of emergency tequila?

Me: *shrugging* Yeah

Friend: Why do have a bottle of emergency tequila?

Me: Because I dropped my emergency scotch in front of the elementary school.

Of course.

 

 

Chick-fil-A Tried to Kill Me

This has gone too far. The swan song of the hate chicken has finally hit a sour note.

How dare you attempt to poison me! And with a silent migraine, no less. We’ve gotten along just fine for all this time, but I go to one Pride Blockparty. Coincidence? I think not.

DSC_2388

The nerve. The blatant bigotry of completely ignoring my unique food allergy that I failed to inform you about! Putting delicious mandarin oranges in the fruit cup! Monstrous.

I am THE VICTIM here! Nevermind that you clearly display the presence of those diabolical spheres of swelling and misery in your menu photo. #citrusprivilege

I didn’t even eat them. I stabbed them with my fork and put them aside. But it was already too late. You didn’t even warn me that stabbing oranges may spread their juices indiscriminately across the strawberries and blueberries. Typical. So patriarchy. Did the melons consent to being sprayed with those fluids? Please.

Someone fund my pain and suffering!! I will not be satisfied until I have my own clothing line and reality show!

Yes, I’m kidding. I know I’m allergic. I know they put oranges in the fruit cup. I should have been smart enough to realize that removing the offending wedges by stabbing them with my fork was maybe not the brightest idea. Or just had the waffle fries.

That’s Right! I Promised You Baby Birds!

So I got a little delayed with that. Sorry. Here are your birds.

DSC_2758

This is a baby cardinal that recently hatched at my in-laws house. I think I will call him Stanley.

Stanley

I think the various and sundry blog issues have been sorted. Please let me know if you run into any issues.

Also, I got to experience a silent migraine. No stars. I do not recommend this experience. Will not be ordering again.

Apparently, Comments are still broken

Feel free to email if you see any additional issues. Hopefully, we’ll get this all sorted soon. There’s always the nuke it option. I have my archives backed up.

I’ll share baby birds or something tomorrow.