Dear Sunny Lucas,
With all of the turmoil happening in the election, Emerson has decided he would like to enter the race. Although he is not interested in the presidency at this time, it has become abundantly clear that what the candidates need is a strong running mate. Someone that both compliments and balances the presidential candidate. After researching those in the running, Emerson humbly requests that you consider him for your running mate. That is, if you can get over the obvious urge to eat him.
Here are some of the reasons that Emerson is specially qualified to be the running mate of Sunny Lucas:
1. What better way to gain the kitteh vote? You are a strong and yet polarizing candidate. Although many of the felines agree with your views, it is difficult to vote for a dog in office.
2. Emerson has very strong feelings about illegal immigration. Emerson came to live in his home through the appropriate channels. He was rescued by Pets for Friends and adopted through their partnership with PetSmart. Fees were paid and legal hoops were jumped through. Life was good for Emerson until almost 2 years ago. Emerson’s human felt sorry for a little underfed, flea-ridden, nearly hairless wild kitten and brought him into the house. Ferrule skipped all the appropriate channels and was suddenly given lap time with the human. He still remains in the house to this day. Here he is wearing a Saint Patrick’s Day t-shirt hanging out with the beer.
It’s difficult to tell from the picture, but I promise that he is nothing more than a freeloading bum that has stolen his human’s affection. He steals the treats and runs away with the toys. Something must be done before more like him are allowed to enter Emerson’s home. Emerson proposes putting up a fence and posting guards to check his humans (especially the mama one) for freeloading stowaways. The guards will pay for themselves with the money saved because the humans will not have to feed the freeloaders. The established, legal adoption/immigration program works quite well and controls the flow of ingrates. It needs only to be enforced.
3. As I am sure you can tell from the picture, Emerson is definitely anti-gun control. Gun control laws only serve to limit law abiding citizens and does nothing to prevent crime and protect the innocent.
4. Emerson understands that we are a country at war and must finish the task at hand. Otherwise, our national security would be compromised.
5. And finally, Emerson believes that, like him, all politicians should be neutered (or spayed). He believes that this is the most efficient and reliable way to prevent distractions and scandal that would tarnish the office of the President of the United States.
Emerson is very serious about this request and is anxiously awaiting your response. Please respond at your earliest convenience.
By the way, Emerson is not a big fan of pork or green beans so there will be no risk of him trying to get in on that action.