An Open Letter to Weird Al

Al,

Can I call you Al? I mean, we’ve been through so much these nearly 36 years now. I mean, I’ve shared all 35 of my birthdays with you. I think I should be able to skip the formalities at this point. Besides, you’ve been recording for my entire life. You aren’t Weird, you are just the Al I’ve always known and loved.

That is, until recently. You see, I assumed that even though I’ve pointed out our shared date of birth on multiple occasions, I’ve somehow flown under your radar. At least Think Geek noticed.

And then you did this:

So maybe it IS just a coincidence that you went and threw a birthday party for my favorite pony. Have you seen my socks?


And then you did this

Really, Al? You had to call me out like that? Oh don’t think I didn’t notice. Kim Kardasian’s birthday is two days prior to yours and mine. That’s a completely different zodiac sign.

No, you aren’t Weird to me. Not anymore. Now you’re Passive Aggressive Al.

Your “lame” fan,

Jennifer

PS. I still bought your album (Congrats on being #1)

PPS. You could totally make it up to me. My darling husband has some ideas to get our readers involved.

How To Tuesday Like Jennifer

Put on some four inch heels.

Add some wishful thinking

And then dash your own hopes by proving that the file cabinet is apparently not Jennifer proof.

Drive home in rush hour with smashed and swelling finger extended.

wpid-20140715_165247.jpg

Because of course it would be that finger*.

Have a delicious dinner that pales in comparison to even more delightful company. Nothing better than embracing a good friend for the first time. Except maybe the gazillionth time because one can never overflow that particular cup. Share all the laughs and stories that make a tribal gathering great.

Finish the evening with a bourbon on the patio considering a jacket in July, completely forgetting to pull the evening’s pictures off of your camera. (See that link? Brigid has pictures up. Go see hers. No, I’m not really that tall. Remember the shoes?)

Open the windows to enjoy the unseasonably cool weather.

Yeah, it was a good day. I’m calling it a win.

*Didn’t break it. Just bruised it. Most of the swelling was gone by morning.

 

Oh Pickled Eggs!

Why did it take me so long to discover the deliciousness that is pickled quail eggs? You remember the eggs, right? So we pickled the last of the quail eggs. 50ish, I believe.

Yum! Absolutely perfect savory goodness. So good, in fact, that I haven’t paused between removing them from the jar and shoving them in my mouth to get you a picture.

Ok, so a couple may have taken a detour into a martini, but since there are no pictures, it didn’t happen. That’s what the internet told me. So obviously, since it didn’t happen, it must happen because the non existent martini was delicious.

There’s currently a jar of chicken eggs pickling with beets in the fridge because pink pickled deviled eggs must happen. Hopefully, I will be able to refrain from shoving them in my face long enough to get you a picture or two.

Best Thrift Store Find Ever

You know, I’ve made some pretty great thrift store finds, but my brother made the best one. And seeing as how there’s a no return policy, he married her yesterday. I even polished up my horns for the occasion. It’s not every day a girl gets a new sister, you know.

Congratulations, big brother. Here’s to many happy years!

Where’d All These Cobwebs Come From?

Oh yeah. I guess that happens when a place has been uninhabited for a bit. I really am still around. I’ll be back soon. Currently, all the brain cells are wrapped up in system conversion and closing a legacy system. I could talk to you at length about tcodes and layouts and variants and defects, but you really don’t care whether or not that file made it to ftp site.

And that’s okay.

I have been making some kind of attempt at kinda sorta keeping up with what’s going on outside the office.

This? I have no words. Everything is wrong with this. My prayers are with the poor child.

And this. Right. Great idea there. Let’s release some bonafide bad guys so we can get a soldier back that left on his own accord and got other soldiers killed in the process. I feel so warm and fuzzy.

Is anyone else starting to wonder if these open carry guys have been planted by Bloomberg? Hey morons, stop helping! It pains me that I have to clarify that I’m not talking about you guys that open carry handguns in holsters. Yes, TX needs open carry. Print up some eye catching t-shirts and go clean up graffiti in a park for your activism. Strap on some empty holsters while you’re at it.

And it’s National Hug Your Cat Day. Since I have three with a combined total weight of 50lbs, I’ll handle the hugging for those of you that don’t have cats or are averse the the whole bleeding profusely thing.  You’re welcome.

You’d think we’d be getting tired of all the egg dishes we’ve been eggs-perimenting with. You’d be wrong.

This gives me hope for humanity. Butterfly in the sky. I can go twice as high…

Defensive Gun Use

I may have told this story before, but today’s entry over at Hell in a Handbasket got me thinking about it again. I think I might just have more words about it or at least some lessons learned. And hey! Content! I am ostensibly a blogger, after all.

James shares a story of his recent defensive gun use, and it has several things in common with the one and only time I have ever gone for my handgun for anything other than training or practice. Go read it.

Like his encounter, mine was with a dog and ultimately, no shots were fired. Unlike his story, mine does not include injury and medical treatment. Good for me, bad for James, but he’s going to be alright.

A couple of dogs had gotten loose in my neighborhood. I had successfully wrangled one of them and put it in the backyard and was very carefully attempting to corral the other. I’ve done this countless times with many different dogs without issue and assumed the chocolate lab would be no different. For those playing along at home, this is what we call the first mistake, and thankfully the only one. Unfamiliar animals have a tendency to act in unpredictable ways.

I held out my left hand in a non-threatening way and encouraged the dog to approach me, which she did very cautiously. (Left hand because I am right-handed and that allowed me easy access to the snub nosed revolver holstered on my hip that day. I may have been overly assuming, but I was not stupid or unprepared.) The dog sniffed my hand and visibly relaxed. She even allowed me to pet her head. This seemed like my opportunity to slowly crouch down to inspect her collar for identification.

It was at that point that her demeanor did a complete 180. She went from frightened but calm to a mass of teeth and snarls. I jumped back and shouted something forceful (I have no idea what I said). I made multiple observations, calculations, and decisions in that moment. I observed that there were no kids playing in the street that day. I decided that should she lunge at me, my choices would be to shoot her or be attacked. I pivoted on my left foot ever so slightly so as to have a solid backstop if it came to that (down into the yard). I raised my left arm so it was between the dog and my face. I’d far prefer to be bitten on the arm than the face and the corduroy jacket would have mitigated some injury . I swept my right hand back brushing aside my jacket and gaining a solid grip on my handgun. James noted about how time compresses, and I found that to be true. All of that happened in a matter of seconds.

And lunge she did. She raised up on her hind legs and just as I was beginning to draw, she dropped back down and ran away. It was over. I pushed the revolver back into the holster and made certain she was really gone before taking a deep breath and assessing the situation. I don’t know if she just sensed that my aggression was bigger than hers and decided to back down or if she heard her owner arrive home. Her behavior was more erratic than any dog I’ve dealt with before or since. All I knew is that thankfully, I didn’t have to shoot a dog in my own front yard that day.

A couple of points I want to highlight. It’s important to be aware of all threats, not just the two legged variety. And also that this didn’t happen in the ‘bad’ part of town. It happened in my front yard. My castle, if you will. The place I should be able to let my guard down. Yes, I carry at home. Finally, I’ve been carrying a firearm on my hip for over 5 years. I’ve been in several heated arguments in that time (one with the owner of said dog. Now I know where the erratic behavior comes from), plenty of road rage incidents, and had some crazy woman get in my face threatening to ‘kick my ass’ even, and yet, the one and only time I’ve reached for it was when there was a clear and present threat of severe bodily harm. From a dog. I know, I totally fail at the whole trigger happy gun nut thing.

And again, no shots fired so it will never count as an official defensive gun use. I didn’t even get fully drawn, so it’s not even brandishing territory.

Oh Hai!

Yep, still among the living. Still busy. Got to go see a Derby Double header with Lawdog, Phlegmmy and Stingray.

OKVD Double Header

It was awesome. Pics later. I took a crap ton of them, and I’m thinking about my skates again.

I probably need my head examined. These girls were thrashed by the end of the night. Watched them take serious blows that impressed Lawdog. And they popped right back up and kept going. I watched swelling and bruises form. One girl was pulled due to injury. She did a lap or two on her skates, but was still limping on the injured ankle by the end of the night.

I don’t like falling down.

And yet, I’m thinking about my skates again. I learned how to fall many years ago. It was the first lesson…

Sigh.

 

Updates

I know, I’ve been a bad blogger and neglected all you wonderful people so here’s a bit of a rundown.

First my friend

I told you about my friend, Amy, a while back. Well, she had her HIPEC procedure yesterday. Her vitals were strong all day and she is continuing to do well. The surgeon described her tumor as less of a ball and more like a blanket around her entire abdomen, but he is confident he got it all.

She resting and recovering with her husband by her side. He gave us updates via her Caring Bridge Site and Facebook all day yesterday. Their faith and attitude on this journey has been inspiring. Now we pray that there is no infection and that her recovery is swift.

And you. I am absolutely beside myself that so many of you have taken the time out to offer your prayers and positive vibes to someone that is a stranger to you. Thank you. I don’t have the words to express how amazing that is.

Me?

I’m still crazy busy and loving it, but there just aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do. Don’t worry, I’ll not stop posting here for the foreseeable future, but the content will continue to be sparse for now.

This week, the implementation team learned that I am indeed a first soprano and a shooter, neither of which I brought up. Ha! Maybe I should coordinate a celebratory range trip when all is said and done.

The world?

Still spinning. Still weird and crazy and rant-worthy. Anyone got an island for cheap?