The Office Food Thief

(To the Tune of My Favorite Things)

Left-over pizza and take out Chinese Food,

Nevermind stealing a lunch is just plain rude.

All of the Styrofoam stacked in the fridge,

No one will notice if I have a smidge.

*chorus*

When the work’s hard.

I can’t manage.

When the boss is mad.

I simply remember the things in the fridge,

And then I don’t feel so bad.

*chorus*

Cream filled confections,

And crisp apple strudels.

Big plates of lasagna,

And meatballs with noodles.

All of these leftovers I can salvage.

This is what I find when I raid the fridge.

*chorus*

Homemade creations,

Hot pockets a-plenty.

There’s so much food here,

I never feel guilty.

I’m doing my part preventing spoilage,

Otherwise there would be stink in the fridge.

*chorus*

 

I can’t remember whether or not I had shared this previously, but it came up in conversation around the office. Enjoy!

At The Away Game

Oh the things that make me laugh before coffee. This was going through my head when I got up this morning and so I dropped it over at Tam’s place.

And then I thought to myself, “Hey Self! You’ve got a blog that’s kinda needing material. Ctrl-C; Ctrl-V that randomness posthaste!”

When you’re thirsty, feeling dry,
When the main’s been cut upstream, You won’t have to cry.
I’m a side by side. Oh! Enough for a bathtub.
When tap just won’t turn on.
Like a fridge full of bottled water
When the plumbing’s down
Like a fridge full of bottled water
When the plumbing’s down

(I should apologize to Simon and maybe even Garfunkel, but I’m blaming my brother. He wants me to sing the real version for his wedding. Hopefully this won’t pop out.)

And so I did. You’re welcome.

Achy Breaky Lament

How Billy Ray Cyrus should have reacted

Now you’ve shown the world what happened to my girl

You’ve torn off your clothes on MTV

Now I can’t face my friends. Oh what a fool I’ve been.

Whatever happened to my little Miley

 

I put you on the stage when you were underage

Sold your childhood out to Disney

I should have been a dad, instead I let you be a fad

Now look what you’ve grown up to be.

 

My daughter’s a tart, I didn’t do my part.

I just didn’t teach her any class

And now that’s she’s a tart, It really breaks my heart

If only I had spanked her little ass

Ooo

I really wasn’t going to comment. But then my brain ran off on it’s own tangent and this happened. Feel free to add verses in the comments.

Here We Go

You better watch out

You better make noise

Better not pout

Before she destroys

Diane Feinstein’s coming for your guns

She’s made her list.

She’s checking it twice.

Defined as naughty what used to be nice.

Diane Feinstein’s coming for your guns

She sees you when your loading

Each cartridge over ten

Doesn’t care if you’ve been bad or good

Get ready for this again!

O! You better watch out!

Hang onto that cake

Better not pout

Your freedom’s at stake

Diane Feinstein’s coming for your guns!

Diane Feinstein’s coming for your guns!

Yes, I know there’s no chance of her getting her wish list, but she’s drawn her line.  Next she’ll compromise, asking for just a bit more of that cake if she gives up on this or that.  She’s just built her fence 100 yards onto your property; she’ll compromise by moving it back 50.

Like Robb keeps saying-Call, Write, Show up.

This is the something I was talking about here and read so eloquently by Rev Kenn Blanchard on his podcast. They’ve put on the Emperor’s New Clothes touting them as the mantle of safety for the children. It’s a transparent ploy to dupe the masses and gain more power and control.

Call, Write, Show up.

Do it again.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

 

 

Christmas Shopping Song

Fights over TVs and pepper sprayed shoppers
Tasing and beating that involves the coppers
Careless armed muggers are caught up with rings
These are a few of the Black Friday things

Trampled bystanders and tent pitching crazies
Scoring a good deal or pushing up daisies
Wild shots that fly from revolvers that sting
These are a few of the Black Friday things

Toys wrapped in plastic and high end electronics
Bundled up journalists and press histrionics
Over-priced products that came from Beijing
These are a few of the Black Friday things

I’ll just click here
Type a number
Got that gift for Mom
Amazon ships me my favorite things
And that’s why I shop dot com

Obligatory Weiner Post

So I have thus far refrained from comment on the cocky idiot in the news.  But why?  I certainly don’t hold him in any high regard.

No, it’s because I absolutely cannot comment on this story without making jokes like a fourth grade boy.

It really shouldn’t be so hard not to sink to snickering puns while his career peters out.  

I mean, surely I can keep the dialog from going below the belt. 

He’s just the latest dick to pull out of the whore house otherwise known as Congress.

He was just screwing around anyway.

And now we sing!

Oh I’m glad we’re rid US Congressman Weiner!

His pulling out is quite the sight to see!

Say goodbye now to US Congressman Weiner!

Now Boehner can just stick it to Pelosi!

*And I have just induced the need for brain bleach on myself.  The things I do for you people.

 

 

Ceilings, Nothing More Than Ceilings

Ceilings, nothing more than ceilings,
Trying to forget my ceilings of debt.
Ratings rolling down on my face,
Trying to forget my ceilings of debt.

Ceilings, for all my life I’ll feel it.
I wish I’d never hit you now; you’ll never drop again.

Ceilings, wo-o-o ceilings,
Wo-o-o, see you again in the news.

Ceilings, Ceilings like I’ve never raised you
And ceilings like I’ll never have you again on the chart.

Ceilings, for all my life I’ll feel it.
I wish I’d never hit you now; you’ll never drop again.

Ceilings, ceilings like I’ve never raised you
And ceilings like we’ll never be able to pay off in my life.

Ceilings, wo-o-o ceilings,
Wo-o-o, ceilings again in the news.
Ceilings

Ceilings, wo-o-o ceilings,
Wo-o-o, ceilings again in the news.
Ceilings…

Twisted Carols

So a few of the gun bloggers decided to re-write some holiday classics. And I decided to sing them.

Oh yes I did. Remember, I’m a professional.

First up, Tam and Bobbi’s re-write of The Christmas Song

Michael joined me for Rudolph the Tasty Reindeer. Mostly my re-write with some GBC help.

And finally, Jay’s 12 Days of Gunnie Christmas.

Yep, I skipped day 6 altogether and then totally flubbed 12. 3rd take. Sorry, I wasn’t doing it again. That one is freaking long!