Missed Connections, A Tragic Short Story

It’s been a while so I figured I may as well drop a little content here. I posted it a few days ago on Facebook, but I think it deserves a place here because, well, it just does.

She put on her finest outfit. The one that always drew his attention. Patiently, she waited. Seeing him across the way, she began her dance.
He knew she would be there and dashed as fast as he could, throwing caution to the wind. Tonight would be the night. There she was, beautiful. He watched her move. He’d waited his whole life for this moment.
He was right there. Surely he could see her. Slowly, carefully she danced in his direction, but he came no closer.
He was ensnared. He tried to signal her but he was unable to approach. He’d been caught by something and couldn’t escape but he had to let her know how he felt. Desperately, he signaled while being wound ever more tightly.
Drawing closer, she began to realize something was terribly wrong. He was singing their song, but he’d stopped moving. She must have gotten to him. Hope dimmed and slowed.
He flashed his last as the femme fatale had her way with him.
Thus ends the front yard firefly romance foiled by an orb weaver.

 

Something You Should Know

If I choose to engage in a debate with you*, take it as a compliment. I have already decided that I respect you enough to honestly consider your point of view. Sure, I disagree and even believe you are wrong. But I do not believe you are an idiot. Misguided, maybe. Or maybe I am.

You see, although I believe I have taken the best possible stance based on what I know to be true and the experiences I have had, I am always willing to increase the dataset I am working with. Provide enough information and/or a perspective I hadn’t considered, and you might even change my mind. It’s happened before. Even if you don’t, you will increase my understanding of your point of view provided we can have an actual conversation coming from a place of mutual respect.

I do not engage idiots. I have, and it only ends in frustration. It often descends into name calling and adds nothing to the overall discourse. I have no desire to add to the animosity and division in the world. I want to come away from debates enlightened, not angry. I think we’ve all spent too much time getting angry at the image we hold of various people, and too often we forget that it’s a person behind the beliefs they may hold.

I believe you are better than that. I believe you are capable of considering my point of view as well. I may not change your mind, and that’s okay. We can still be friends even if we disagree.

*I bet you think this post is about you, don’t you? Don’t you? Naw, you’re not vain. It might be. You aren’t alone. Please tell me you’re singing now.

Frank?

Um???

Frank.

Well, I did buy that swimsuit. I guess I am now Frank. Frank is an extra large Chinese woman, FYI.

The Office Food Thief

(To the Tune of My Favorite Things)

Left-over pizza and take out Chinese Food,

Nevermind stealing a lunch is just plain rude.

All of the Styrofoam stacked in the fridge,

No one will notice if I have a smidge.

*chorus*

When the work’s hard.

I can’t manage.

When the boss is mad.

I simply remember the things in the fridge,

And then I don’t feel so bad.

*chorus*

Cream filled confections,

And crisp apple strudels.

Big plates of lasagna,

And meatballs with noodles.

All of these leftovers I can salvage.

This is what I find when I raid the fridge.

*chorus*

Homemade creations,

Hot pockets a-plenty.

There’s so much food here,

I never feel guilty.

I’m doing my part preventing spoilage,

Otherwise there would be stink in the fridge.

*chorus*

 

I can’t remember whether or not I had shared this previously, but it came up in conversation around the office. Enjoy!

Conversations Without Context

Me: *Digging through bag pulling out various items*

Friend: Was that a bottle of emergency tequila?

Me: *shrugging* Yeah

Friend: Why do have a bottle of emergency tequila?

Me: Because I dropped my emergency scotch in front of the elementary school.

Of course.

 

 

Oh the Silliness!

Honestly, I was just testing the video capture. I was playing around and didn’t expect it to be so funny. And yet…

Well, the silliness happened. Have I mentioned that I turn lots of things into improv musicals?

 

I Became Briefly Invisible Today

I think 2015 will be the year where I develop my super-powers. Obviously, I must have them. All the ass-kicking super-hero women in the TV shows wear heels, I took a defensive shotgun class in 3-inch heels. Ergo, I must be a latent super-hero.

Logic!

And today, I was briefly invisible. You see, in the office, we’ve got those fancy toilets with the sensor that can see you while you’re sitting there and then flushes the toilet when it can’t see you anymore.

It flushed today. While I was still sitting there. Logically, I must have become invisible. See, hypothesis + evidence = science!

Feline Wisdom for 2015

Well since my 2013 resolution was never broken nor fulfilled, my resolution obligation remains in limbo. So I’m just going to let Ferrule take over the blog today. He’s been reading my Facebook news feed and judging you.

20150101_150453

He even took over my keyboard.

20150101_150837

7777777777777

Yes, that was Ferrule. He’s very helpful. He’s got some¬†words of wisdom for 2015.

1. Sit more. Sitting makes laps and laps are for sits. It’s where petting happens.

2. Make peace with the pet hair. I’m just going to make more.

3. Strings! They are great, just had to mention it.

4. Poop happens. Sometimes when you least expect it.

5. The loud thing with headlight that eats cat hair? Just put it away. See number 2

6. When something bothers you, bite its butt, fluff your tail, and strut away.

7. Dude. Catnip. Dude.

8. There will always be more kibble in the bowl, don’t stress about it.

9. Go to the backdoor and sing about your adventures. Preferably while your humans are engrossed in the warm boxes with the screens that they keep on their laps. Besides, laps are for sits and petting, not typing.

10. When life gets scary, hide under the buffet until Mama gets home.

This post has been reviewed by the resident feline editor, Chance

TPhoto_00007

Yes, he is also judging you.