So I got one of those messages from Amazon wondering if I might be interested in some of their wares based on previous searches. I’m sure you get them too.
Never before have they presented me with such a sound investment opportunity. I could save $12,000! Just think what you could do with that kind of savings.
And what is this magical thing that could enrich my life so wonderfully? Well I’m glad you asked.
That’s right. It’s an Omas Limited Edition Phoenix Plated Fountain Pen With Diamonds. You can take advantage of this fantastic opportunity as well by clicking on that link which just happens to be my affiliate link (which you are always welcome to use for all your shopping needs*). It’s like getting the 5th one for free!
No longer shall we toil with the pen we stole from the bank! For this, my friends, is the pen of the gods! But I must caution you. You should fill this fine instrument of writing with the blood of a recently slain dragon, ordinary ink would not do it justice and anger the gods of penmanship and prose. You can also substitute the blood of your enemies, but only if it is still warm.
One can’t help but wonder about the glorious stories that could be told. What weight those documents will bear. To look upon a margin doodle would cause grown men to weep. It’s magnificence cannot be overstated.
*Thank you to those of you that do just that. You are awesome. Especially you, person with the new microwave by Panasonic and all you voracious readers of text both digital and analog.
I got nothin’ so I leave you with this WTF’ery
Yeah, there’s more
There’s a half eaten cup of macaroni and cheese sitting, abandoned, on the counter in the break room. Can’t help but wonder why.
Did they get called away on an emergency?
Maybe they were beamed out?
Suddenly stricken with explosive diarrhea?
Sucked into a time vortex? Maybe the mac and cheese IS a time vortex.
I suppose we shall never know the story of the abandoned mac and cheese. Cold and alone on the countertop. Its cheesiness never to be enjoyed.
A tragedy for the ages.
Today’s mantra has been, “ It is a rare day that cannot be improved by adding a touch of whimsy.”
And so I give you a bit of whimsy adding to my oh-so-professional office
A gas pump lava lamp in the sea creature phase of warm up.
I’ve had this thing since I was in college. It hasn’t been lit up in years. My carpool buddy says that means that even back when I was majoring in music and waiting tables, I was destined to wind up in the fuel industry. I think it’s just a lucky bit of kitsch.
Apparently, when they have been dormant for that long, it takes several hours before they get all oozy again.
Yes, my desk organizer is a green dude on a toilet, why do you ask? I think he needs more fiber in his diet.
Well you do now.
(HT to the Bloggess. If you are not reading her regularly, you have missed out on many, many laughs.)
Now, try and forget all the drama and frolic like an unfettered llama!
Ha! I have bested the scientific minds searching for time travelers on Twitter and other social media. Duh! Everyone knows that time travelers don’t tweet. They already know that in 2015, Beyonce and Kim Kardashian post epic 3D selfies and irreparably crash the servers*.
And besides, if proof of time travel was ever published, the time traveler in question could just slip back in time and remove it before it could be discovered.** Unless the time traveler in question happens to be one of these celebrities for whom narcissism outweighs continuity. (Note to self: if you ever get to travel in the blue box, photo-bomb at every opportunity.)
There’s a little café on the first floor in one of our office buildings. The wall in the café is decorated with a pictorial history of the company. So, I went over to get my lunch today and saw this
Do you see it? There’s a time traveler at this gas station. Look closely.
Apparently, when Loves acquired the APCO in 1975, someone was visiting in a mid-80′s Mercury Cougar. Back in 1975, the Cougar looked like this
From Old Parked Cars
The one in the picture looks like an 87 or 88
image via wikipedia
Time traveler, obviously.
*How do I know? Time traveler told me
**Then why is this post here? It’s not. You’re having a very strange dream. And you should by no means highlight the space below this.
Because wibbly wobbly timey wimey. I made him pinkie swear to leave it alone. Besides, if it was suddenly disappeared, the disappearance would then prove the existence of time travelers.
Can’t say I didn’t warn you
Enjoy stuffing that turkey next week!
Language and cartoon gore warning. Definitely not safe for work.