An Explosion In His Pants!

Well here’s one mishap we know will never happen to Robb.

1. It requires pants

2. It requires a portable meth lab residing in the aforementioned pants.

And you thought spontaneous trouser eruptions stopped after puberty.

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

How does your garden grow?

With Silver Bells and Cockel Shells

And Benny down below.

I always appreciate it when my husband helps me tend and fertilize the garden, but I prefer him to be topside. Maybe she was hoping for a Benny plant?

Your Mother Named You What?

Seriously?

The fleeing subject remains in stable condition at a local hospital.  He is identified as 20-year old Demontrail Lavon Smith (B/M, 08/01/1991).  Smith is charged with Pointing a Firearm and Possession of Marijuana.[emphasis mine]

Some of us struggle with living up to the expectations of our parents.  This guy?

His mother named him Demon Trail.

I suppose it’s a huge disappointment that he’s a petty criminal instead of the Anti-Christ.

You Know Times Are Tough

When even the Elite Tactical Food Court Team 6 is laying people off.

When police arrived, Ackerman said he wanted to be put in leg shackles for their safety because his feet “were certified weapons in Nevada.”

He also claimed to hold seven college degrees and said he worked as an architectural engineer, truck driver, mixed martial artist, traveling disc jockey, phlebotomist, stuntman and sex toy engineer.

Ackerman said he worked on the three most recent “Spider-Man” movies and used his engineering expertise to design the Green Goblin’s hoverboard.

via NewsOK (RTWT)

Clearly, with that resume, he was the least qualified member of the security forces. Obviously, burning down the laundromat was the only option he had left.

If It’s a Victimless Crime, Is It A Crime At All?

Around here, apparently not.

“We haven’t had anybody come in and make a report,” Woodward County Sheriff Gary Stanley said Wednesday. “Somebody would need to come in and make a report … We don’t have a victim.”

Imagine that.  A girl got naked on a golf course and no one complained.  Shocked!  I tell you.

It’s a good thing the woman in question wasn’t lactating because raw milk brings out swat teams.

Honestly, I wish everyone in law enforcement would take the attitude of the Woodward County Sheriff.  Not just law enforcement, but those who write the legislation.  I’m with WizardPC here.

I would like politicians and bureaucrats to acknowledge this: Every law, rule, and regulation made by the government ends in puppy killing SWAT Teams. Every dime that is spent in our name was taken at gunpoint.

RTWT

Getting naked on a golf course this summer would certainly be more pleasant than donning a Wookie Suit.

ETA: You can see the girl here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey NRA Attendees

Sorry I couldn’t be there this year, but I’m thinking maybe while you’re all in Pittsburgh, you could maybe do something about their ninja problem.  You know, as a public service.

In the latest event, a sword-wielding ninja smashed 11 cars in South Union Township, PA. and tried to stab a man who confronted him, say police. Santino Guzzo said he heard glass breaking, found the ninja hiding in a yard, and was cut in the hand during the ensuing ninja escape.

“He was like a gazelle that just got attacked by a lion,” Guzzo told the Pittsburgh Trib. “He got up and fell, and got up and fell. Then he jumped off a cliff.”

Guzzo reported that he “did not move with the grace typically associated with a ninja” and that he therefore “will not live in fear of the ninja’s return.”

Not only would you be doing a great service to the people of Pittsburgh, but you’d be culling the herd of the weakest and most clumsy ninjas.  Really, you’re just helping ensure they are at their best before the inevitable epic battle with the pirates.

(h/t Instpundit – you know, the first place you saw this story because he always has it first.)

ETA: Stranger is talking about ninjas too.

Is Anyone Really This Naive?

News story here.

Apparently, a grown man would answer ads placed of Craigslist offering babysitting services.  He would contact them posing as the father of a severely autistic boy that needed care for his son.  He would then pose as the severely autistic boy, complete with diaper, to satisfy some odd sexual desires.

*blink*

Seems like a fairly creative scam there.  But I want to know who in their right mind thinks that the father of a severely disabled child would put him in a taxi at two in the morning to be delivered to the home of a babysitter that he’d never personally met?  If you believed that the ‘boy’ really was so severely autistic, why would you not call the authorities right then?  At the very least it looks like a case of neglect right on the surface.

Some alarm bells should be clanging very loudly in this person’s head.

What kind of parent would be searching Craigslist for a babysitter for this obviously special needs situation?  And no interview.  Most parents of special needs children that I know are especially cautious about caregivers for their children.  My son isn’t special needs and yet I’d never let him stay with someone I hadn’t met.  I’ve always gotten personal recommendations for his caregivers if they weren’t already friends or family.

If I had an ad placed on Craigslist offering babysitting services (which I never would), I’d be very suspicious of any parent that didn’t want a personal interview.  And yet the victim here kept him a few times before finally deciding to call the authorities.

Formula?  I might could buy severe mental impairment, but that would not explain why a 19 year old boy would still be drinking formula.  Formula is designed for the specific nutritional needs of infants, not adults.

Hmm.  There are just way too many things that just don’t make sense here.

Maybe it’s just the cynic in me, but I think there is more to this story.  Maybe some kind of kink gone sour.  Either that, or this lady is the most naive person on the planet.  Bless her heart.