Category Archives: Not a victim anymore

Evil Is Evil Regardless Of How Well The Damn Football Team Performs

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And every single one of you Penn State fans rioting over the loss of your beloved coach are complicit in the evil.

No one knows how many little boys will carry horrible scars for the rest of their lives.  Statistically, they are far more likely to pass on the abuse to others.  And so on, and so on.

But you seem to think winning football games is more important than protecting children.  That it’s forgivable that this coach could have prevented countless children from being subjected to the actions of his subordinate and the lasting repercussions of his perversion.

You people are sick and evil.

On what planet is the success of some jocks throwing a ball more important than protecting the innocence of a child? Your moral compass either doesn’t exist or is badly broken.

Your beloved coach, you know-the guy who is supposed to be a role model, aided and abetted the rape of an untold number of young boys.  You don’t take away a guy’s keys over child rape.  You turn them in, and hopefully they wind up someplace where they have to pump air to him.

Nothing.  Do you understand? Nothing mitigates the evil of what has gone on here. Those boys will never get over this.  Never. With support, they may be able to heal, but it will never go away.  Without help and support, they will likely pass this evil on.  Maybe to your son or daughter.

But I guess that doesn’t matter to you.  Nah. Way more important that a bunch of sweaty guys throw a ball really well.

I wish the ground under your feet would open up and swallow you whole.  I have no desire to share oxygen with those that would support evil.

–I shouldn’t have to say this, but if you happen to personally witness a child being raped, the appropriate action is to intervene.  Bare minimum, you call the police. Preferably, you have means to step in.  If the rapist reaches room temperature, I’m not going to lose any sleep. They are really just ambulatory fertilizer anyway, may as well help them achieve their true calling.

Violence UnSilenced

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There’s a big announcement over at Violence UnSilenced just in time for Domestic Violence awareness month. The work done there is a tremendous service to everyone.  I strongly encourage everyone to check them out.

I have read every single post there.  Every agonizing and painful one.  It isn’t easy, but it took a mountain of courage for some of these people to speak out.  The least I can do is hear them.  I comment so they know they are heard.

We in the pro-gun community should be especially supportive of the work being done at Violence UnSilenced.  These are the stories of the most vulnerable.  Understand that each time you teach a new shooter, you just might be preventing one of these stories.  Either that, or you are telling a survivor that they are worth protecting and you have the faith in them that they should be empowered to protect themselves.  That’s not to say they will go home and use the skill you’ve just taught them, but they will have a confidence they didn’t have before.

It is so very important that these stories get out there. The more people that really get what domestic violence actually looks like, the better off we are.

I wrote the other day about looking like an easy mark.  I wanted to talk about another facet.  The people that gawked and stared.  Now I understand that you don’t want to randomly approach a stranger in the grocery store.  But honestly, gawking and whispering to your companions isn’t really helpful.  Honestly, that reaction almost made me want to shrink and hide, and I’m not a woman in a crisis situation.  Imagine how that affects actual abused women.

Contrast that with the people at church.  They asked.  They showed concern for me.  I am so very grateful that they care so much.  Imagine if a woman in crisis felt like someone cared.  Yeah, they are going to lie to you if you ask.  But what you’ve told them just by being concerned speaks volumes.

Violence UnSilenced lets us show people that we care about their story. That we care about them.  They are worth your time.

Tipping The Scales

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Carrie has a great post up today describing the second hand benefits of concealed carry.  I highly encourage you to go and read the whole thing.  Here’s the point that really sticks out to me.

But what if just, say, 20% of we “easy marks” were properly trained and carrying firearms? It would completely change the power dynamic out there for everyone if it became impossible to predict which potential victims were also a fatal error. Every victim becomes Schrödinger’s victim, an unknown outcome until you open that box. Every attack, every attempt to harm, becomes a serious gamble.

Indeed, and well said.

Not only would it change the power dynamic, it would tip the scales of risk vs. reward for the potential rapist.  Rapists don’t live in fear of being caught by the police.  Even in the off chance they are caught, convictions are slippery.  Plenty of women won’t even press charges because she will have her background picked apart and be vilified by the defense.  For most, it’s just easier to try and pick up the pieces and move on rather than have a drawn out court proceeding with officials doing their very best to make you out to be a liar and a slut.  (For the record, I don’t care if she’s slept with every Tom, Dick, Harry, and Susan in town and works the corner at night.  No means no.)

Understand that I am not passing judgement on the woman in Carrie’s story.  What she was wearing, how hard she fought/didn’t fight, where she happened to be when it happened have no bearing on the guilt of her attacker.  Becoming a victim is never the victim’s fault.  I am not saying anything about what she should or shouldn’t have done.

No, I am focusing on the motivations of the rapist.  He set out to hurt someone.  I can only assume that the reward side of the equation is his sick fun and recreation.  With many rapists, they get off on a disgusting power trip that comes from subjugating someone weaker than they are.  And the risk side?  Well it is certainly not prison time because they are highly unlikely to get it.  But what if there had been a dozen stories in the news the week before of these apparently easy marks successfully defending themselves?  What if over half of those attempted rapists were dead?  Seems to drop a bit more weight on the risk side of the scale, don’t you think? That easy mark starts looking a whole lot less easy.

And maybe, just maybe, the idea of a potentially deadly mark when keep them in check.  Maybe these stories of more and more women making the choice to own and use firearms might give them pause before selecting that next victim.  By making myself a far more risky target, I’m not just helping myself.  Heck, I’m helping women like Joan Peterson who will never carry a gun because the rapist can’t tell which one of us has the power to end his miserable existence.  And maybe, just maybe, that thought will be enough to tip the scales far too heavily on the risk side. I want to be the boogie woman.  That fear that stops them in their tracks.

No, I don’t think open carry hurts that argument either.  In fact, if a criminal sees an openly carried pistol on someone’s hip, it might serve as a reminder that they are out there.  I just might not be showing mine off today.

Even if I’m wrong, I still win.  Because if more potential victims kill their attackers instead of becoming victims, we get more dead rapists and that’s the only good kind of rapist.

Thanksgiving

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I have so much to be thankful for.  I have a wonderful husband and son who I can hear making chocolate in the kitchen.  The smell is nothing short of heavenly, second only to hearing them laugh and work together.  I have a modest home that will soon host close friends.  I have pets that seem to know just when I need them to snuggle in.

And this year, I finally have peace.  For all the turmoil that has been stirred up, today I have peace that I haven’t known in many years.  This year, I’m not pretending that everything is good.  This year, it really is.  My heart is lighter and my conscience is free.

I am thankful for the journey.  And the people thathave helped me get there.  That includes my readers.  Thank you for being so supportive when everything that I thought was important in my world came apart.  I learned that the reality underneath was so much better than the comfortable facade.  I learned that the real me is so much stronger and cannot be intimidated by cowardly lies.  I have faced my demons and come out ahead.  The race is not yet over, but I know that I will win.  Thank you.

As is true when times get hard, I have learned who is and is not truly my friend or family.  Blood is not always so thick.  Sometimes it is, but it’s not a guarantee.  I have many friendships that are thicker.  Some I didn’t suspect.  Some I always knew would be there.

And most of all, I thank God.  Without God, I have nothing.  He has provided the friends and family that have remained loyal.  He has provided the home that is so full of love.  And I believe that He will work in the hearts of those that have chosen to attack me.  He knows the truth.  And He has given me that peace that I haven’t known in years prior.

There is food on my table and love in my house.  I could ask for nothing more to be thankful for.

There’s a New Badge In My Sidebar

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I have been thinking about doing something.  Providing a forum for victims survivors to speak out.  And then I found out someone else had already done it. There may still be something, but finding this was incredible.

This is amazing and I am in full support of the work being done here.  I’ve sat down and read many of the stories.  Every story is different and yet tragically the same.    I support anyone speaking out.  Neither the secret nor the shame belongs to the victim survivor.  There is no shame in being a victim.  If you are still here, you are a survivor.

In taking the pledge, I am saying that I will read each story as it is posted.  I intend to go further and read everything that was there before I found it.  I encourage you to do the same.

It isn’t time yet to tell my full story on the internet.  It may be years before it can be told without an anonymous tag attached.  There are other people whose safety I must consider.  My own safety is not at risk.

I have talked to several people face to face about it.  The perpetrator has even been confronted.  The tragic thing about telling people has been the fact that most people that I have told have stories of their own.  We have to talk about it.  We have to put a human face on the victims survivors.  By giving people a safe place to tell their stories where they will be heard, we take the power away from the people that hurt us.  It’s scary to talk about it.  People we love can and will reject us.  We will get blamed for it.  It helps to know that not everyone rejects us.  It helps to know that someone out there believes us and supports us.

If I could say one thing to victims survivors, it would be that no matter what anyone says, the shame isn’t yours to bear.  That’s the thing that eats you up inside.  Give it back.  Someone forced it on you, but it isn’t yours.  It’s theirs.  Don’t be silent.  Give it back.

Quick Update

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Sorry no posts for a bit.  I’ll try and get a real one up later, just wanted to get a quick update/rundown.

Friday was a day of surprises.  One extremely unwanted.  I’ve been called a liar by someone I love and have always trusted and respected.  I saw it coming, but it still sucks a lot. Happens when you make a 20 year old painful revelation about a person’s child.  God will work it all out for the best.  I’m hurt, but I’m no longer carrying the guilt and hatred that I had for so long.  Funny, I didn’t even realize that the silence was linked to hatred until I gave up the silence and the hatred followed naturally.

One surprise was quite pleasant.  I received a Halloween card from my favorite cousin that I haven’t heard from in a long time.  It was completely unexpected and exactly what I needed.  I’m  looking forward to rekindling that relationship.  What is it they say about God closing doors and opening windows?

And then I got sick.  Nasty sore throat and cough.  Went camping anyway, which was wonderful.  The weather was perfect and a good time was had by all.

Busy at work yesterday and today.  Still sick, but getting better.

And hey, I haven’t missed the politics.  The DIABLO (Democrat In All But Label Only) in New York dropped out and endosed the Democrat giving the race to Conservative Doug Hoffman.  Yeah, that’s my prediction.  Hoffman, Baby, Hoffman!

Yeah, Dollhouse

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I know, you aren’t watching.  You gave up during the first season.

You know what?  You are seriously missing out.  I don’t like television, but I love this show.  This season, they’ve been playing with morality and what that really means.  Joss Whedon has built us a group of characters where it is often hard to tell who is a good guy and who is a bad guy.  And just what exactly makes all of them tick.  It took a while, but now I really want to know absolutely everyone’s back story.

And hey, if you saw Epitaph One, you know it’s all leading up to TEOTWAWKI.  My readers tend to be interested in that apocalyptic stuff.  And in this one, your stash of canned goods is the least of your worries, but a good stock of ammo will come in handy.

So we’ve got this story building towards the end of the world.  I’m interested in back stories for blank characters.  Everyone is hot.  And then for my birthday, I get Belonging.

Warning:  There are spoilers ahead.  Worth watching even if I spoil every detail.

Continue reading →

Update on Stuff

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A long time ago, I was a victim.  Yesterday, he threatened my family.  I had never told anyone that he had molested me when I was child. Now, my husband knows, my parents know, my in-laws know, and anyone else that needs to know will soon know.  I have set that ball in motion.  And I am free.

I decided that it wasn’t my shame to carry so I gave it back.  Now that I have opened it up, I know that I have scars to deal with.  That’s okay. There is no shame in being a victim.  Particularly if you were a helpless one.  That is a burden that I will not carry any longer.  He can have it.  I also will not allow my silence to put anyone else at risk.  I will not be silent any more.

The person in question has innocent children.  Out of respect for them, I will not divulge any more details here.  I will be doing what I can to make sure they are protected and safe.  Hopefully, by breaking my silence, they will not be victims.  I will not be backed into a corner by a child molester.  He will not have any power over my family.