I have so much to be thankful for.  I have a wonderful husband and son who I can hear making chocolate in the kitchen.  The smell is nothing short of heavenly, second only to hearing them laugh and work together.  I have a modest home that will soon host close friends.  I have pets that seem to know just when I need them to snuggle in.

And this year, I finally have peace.  For all the turmoil that has been stirred up, today I have peace that I haven’t known in many years.  This year, I’m not pretending that everything is good.  This year, it really is.  My heart is lighter and my conscience is free.

I am thankful for the journey.  And the people thathave helped me get there.  That includes my readers.  Thank you for being so supportive when everything that I thought was important in my world came apart.  I learned that the reality underneath was so much better than the comfortable facade.  I learned that the real me is so much stronger and cannot be intimidated by cowardly lies.  I have faced my demons and come out ahead.  The race is not yet over, but I know that I will win.  Thank you.

As is true when times get hard, I have learned who is and is not truly my friend or family.  Blood is not always so thick.  Sometimes it is, but it’s not a guarantee.  I have many friendships that are thicker.  Some I didn’t suspect.  Some I always knew would be there.

And most of all, I thank God.  Without God, I have nothing.  He has provided the friends and family that have remained loyal.  He has provided the home that is so full of love.  And I believe that He will work in the hearts of those that have chosen to attack me.  He knows the truth.  And He has given me that peace that I haven’t known in years prior.

There is food on my table and love in my house.  I could ask for nothing more to be thankful for.

I have been thinking about doing something.  Providing a forum for victims survivors to speak out.  And then I found out someone else had already done it. There may still be something, but finding this was incredible.

This is amazing and I am in full support of the work being done here.  I’ve sat down and read many of the stories.  Every story is different and yet tragically the same.    I support anyone speaking out.  Neither the secret nor the shame belongs to the victim survivor.  There is no shame in being a victim.  If you are still here, you are a survivor.

In taking the pledge, I am saying that I will read each story as it is posted.  I intend to go further and read everything that was there before I found it.  I encourage you to do the same.

It isn’t time yet to tell my full story on the internet.  It may be years before it can be told without an anonymous tag attached.  There are other people whose safety I must consider.  My own safety is not at risk.

I have talked to several people face to face about it.  The perpetrator has even been confronted.  The tragic thing about telling people has been the fact that most people that I have told have stories of their own.  We have to talk about it.  We have to put a human face on the victims survivors.  By giving people a safe place to tell their stories where they will be heard, we take the power away from the people that hurt us.  It’s scary to talk about it.  People we love can and will reject us.  We will get blamed for it.  It helps to know that not everyone rejects us.  It helps to know that someone out there believes us and supports us.

If I could say one thing to victims survivors, it would be that no matter what anyone says, the shame isn’t yours to bear.  That’s the thing that eats you up inside.  Give it back.  Someone forced it on you, but it isn’t yours.  It’s theirs.  Don’t be silent.  Give it back.

Sorry no posts for a bit.  I’ll try and get a real one up later, just wanted to get a quick update/rundown.

Friday was a day of surprises.  One extremely unwanted.  I’ve been called a liar by someone I love and have always trusted and respected.  I saw it coming, but it still sucks a lot. Happens when you make a 20 year old painful revelation about a person’s child.  God will work it all out for the best.  I’m hurt, but I’m no longer carrying the guilt and hatred that I had for so long.  Funny, I didn’t even realize that the silence was linked to hatred until I gave up the silence and the hatred followed naturally.

One surprise was quite pleasant.  I received a Halloween card from my favorite cousin that I haven’t heard from in a long time.  It was completely unexpected and exactly what I needed.  I’m  looking forward to rekindling that relationship.  What is it they say about God closing doors and opening windows?

And then I got sick.  Nasty sore throat and cough.  Went camping anyway, which was wonderful.  The weather was perfect and a good time was had by all.

Busy at work yesterday and today.  Still sick, but getting better.

And hey, I haven’t missed the politics.  The DIABLO (Democrat In All But Label Only) in New York dropped out and endosed the Democrat giving the race to Conservative Doug Hoffman.  Yeah, that’s my prediction.  Hoffman, Baby, Hoffman!

I know, you aren’t watching.  You gave up during the first season.

You know what?  You are seriously missing out.  I don’t like television, but I love this show.  This season, they’ve been playing with morality and what that really means.  Joss Whedon has built us a group of characters where it is often hard to tell who is a good guy and who is a bad guy.  And just what exactly makes all of them tick.  It took a while, but now I really want to know absolutely everyone’s back story.

And hey, if you saw Epitaph One, you know it’s all leading up to TEOTWAWKI.  My readers tend to be interested in that apocalyptic stuff.  And in this one, your stash of canned goods is the least of your worries, but a good stock of ammo will come in handy.

So we’ve got this story building towards the end of the world.  I’m interested in back stories for blank characters.  Everyone is hot.  And then for my birthday, I get Belonging.

Warning:  There are spoilers ahead.  Worth watching even if I spoil every detail.

Read the rest…

A long time ago, I was a victim.  Yesterday, he threatened my family.  I had never told anyone that he had molested me when I was child. Now, my husband knows, my parents know, my in-laws know, and anyone else that needs to know will soon know.  I have set that ball in motion.  And I am free.

I decided that it wasn’t my shame to carry so I gave it back.  Now that I have opened it up, I know that I have scars to deal with.  That’s okay. There is no shame in being a victim.  Particularly if you were a helpless one.  That is a burden that I will not carry any longer.  He can have it.  I also will not allow my silence to put anyone else at risk.  I will not be silent any more.

The person in question has innocent children.  Out of respect for them, I will not divulge any more details here.  I will be doing what I can to make sure they are protected and safe.  Hopefully, by breaking my silence, they will not be victims.  I will not be backed into a corner by a child molester.  He will not have any power over my family.