Teasing Death

Met this guy the other day.


Evyl stood his ground


The TeenBot sized him up. Besides, there was a bear in a sombrero there for back-up.


Me? I did the only logical thing.


What? How would you react to meeting death in a gift shop? I knew he wasn’t there for me. When death comes for me, it’ll be random, hilarious, and earn me the lifetime achievement spot on the rubber knife award.


If I’m going to be funny on the internet, I should really make with the funny here.


And a thought for my readers, now that Oklahoma has to recognize marriage licenses from New Jersey, how long until New Jersey has to recognize my carry permit? I mean, it’s not like civil rights should apply to everyone, everywhere. Particularly those rights actually mentioned in the Constitution.

Personally, I’m for consenting adults marrying who they want, smoking what they want, and having the right to protect themselves with an assault rifle if they so choose.

An Open Letter to Weird Al


Can I call you Al? I mean, we’ve been through so much these nearly 36 years now. I mean, I’ve shared all 35 of my birthdays with you. I think I should be able to skip the formalities at this point. Besides, you’ve been recording for my entire life. You aren’t Weird, you are just the Al I’ve always known and loved.

That is, until recently. You see, I assumed that even though I’ve pointed out our shared date of birth on multiple occasions, I’ve somehow flown under your radar. At least Think Geek noticed.

And then you did this:

So maybe it IS just a coincidence that you went and threw a birthday party for my favorite pony. Have you seen my socks?

And then you did this

Really, Al? You had to call me out like that? Oh don’t think I didn’t notice. Kim Kardasian’s birthday is two days prior to yours and mine. That’s a completely different zodiac sign.

No, you aren’t Weird to me. Not anymore. Now you’re Passive Aggressive Al.

Your “lame” fan,


PS. I still bought your album (Congrats on being #1)

PPS. You could totally make it up to me. My darling husband has some ideas to get our readers involved.

At The Away Game

Oh the things that make me laugh before coffee. This was going through my head when I got up this morning and so I dropped it over at Tam’s place.

And then I thought to myself, “Hey Self! You’ve got a blog that’s kinda needing material. Ctrl-C; Ctrl-V that randomness posthaste!”

When you’re thirsty, feeling dry,
When the main’s been cut upstream, You won’t have to cry.
I’m a side by side. Oh! Enough for a bathtub.
When tap just won’t turn on.
Like a fridge full of bottled water
When the plumbing’s down
Like a fridge full of bottled water
When the plumbing’s down

(I should apologize to Simon and maybe even Garfunkel, but I’m blaming my brother. He wants me to sing the real version for his wedding. Hopefully this won’t pop out.)

And so I did. You’re welcome.

Random Musing

So, whatever happened to that “permanent record” the teachers always threatened to put things in? Does the NSA have that now? Just curious. I never did get my hand buzzer back that Mrs. Randolph confiscated in the 3rd grade. Is it in there?

So when you apply a spam filter, it filters out the spam, but when you use a water or air filter, it filters everything EXCEPT water or air. And don’t even get me started on coffee filters…

When someone who is generally competent tells you, “I’ll get this put in today,” you generally assume that they put it in that day. And you know what happens when you assume.

Cat hugging was successful. No bleeding or anything.

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