I better eat fruit so I don’t have to chase that infernal ball around for 2 whole hours!
Spending that much time on perfectly manicured grounds would be so tedious! Two hours! Ludicrous.We should definitely all pick the fruit so we have time for meaningful things like doing our taxes.
Disclaimer: I don’t golf. I consider golf courses to be a waste of perfectly good rifle ranges.
So I got one of those messages from Amazon wondering if I might be interested in some of their wares based on previous searches. I’m sure you get them too.
Never before have they presented me with such a sound investment opportunity. I could save $12,000! Just think what you could do with that kind of savings.
And what is this magical thing that could enrich my life so wonderfully? Well I’m glad you asked.
That’s right. It’s an Omas Limited Edition Phoenix Plated Fountain Pen With Diamonds. You can take advantage of this fantastic opportunity as well by clicking on that link which just happens to be my affiliate link (which you are always welcome to use for all your shopping needs*). It’s like getting the 5th one for free!
No longer shall we toil with the pen we stole from the bank! For this, my friends, is the pen of the gods! But I must caution you. You should fill this fine instrument of writing with the blood of a recently slain dragon, ordinary ink would not do it justice and anger the gods of penmanship and prose. You can also substitute the blood of your enemies, but only if it is still warm.
One can’t help but wonder about the glorious stories that could be told. What weight those documents will bear. To look upon a margin doodle would cause grown men to weep. It’s magnificence cannot be overstated.
*Thank you to those of you that do just that. You are awesome. Especially you, person with the new microwave by Panasonic and all you voracious readers of text both digital and analog.
There’s a half eaten cup of macaroni and cheese sitting, abandoned, on the counter in the break room. Can’t help but wonder why.
Did they get called away on an emergency?
Maybe they were beamed out?
Suddenly stricken with explosive diarrhea?
Sucked into a time vortex? Maybe the mac and cheese IS a time vortex.
I suppose we shall never know the story of the abandoned mac and cheese. Cold and alone on the countertop. Its cheesiness never to be enjoyed.
A tragedy for the ages.
For us, they’ve been kind of novel, although if a truck actually does hit the front of the house in the wee hours, I’m not going to be prepared. That’s exactly what it sounded like just before my alarm went off this morning. I’ll have to straighten all the pictures and make sure my horses haven’t stepped off the china cabinet. (I have some of these on top of the china cabinet. Paden City is named after an ancestor of mine.)
The tornadoes around here are far more destructive. You could say I prefer my house shaken, not stirred*.
*Come on, you thought I wasn’t going to work that in. This post exists so I could drop that line.
Well you do now.
(HT to the Bloggess. If you are not reading her regularly, you have missed out on many, many laughs.)
Now, try and forget all the drama and frolic like an unfettered llama!
Ha! I have bested the scientific minds searching for time travelers on Twitter and other social media. Duh! Everyone knows that time travelers don’t tweet. They already know that in 2015, Beyonce and Kim Kardashian post epic 3D selfies and irreparably crash the servers*.
And besides, if proof of time travel was ever published, the time traveler in question could just slip back in time and remove it before it could be discovered.** Unless the time traveler in question happens to be one of these celebrities for whom narcissism outweighs continuity. (Note to self: if you ever get to travel in the blue box, photo-bomb at every opportunity.)
There’s a little café on the first floor in one of our office buildings. The wall in the café is decorated with a pictorial history of the company. So, I went over to get my lunch today and saw this
Do you see it? There’s a time traveler at this gas station. Look closely.
Apparently, when Loves acquired the APCO in 1975, someone was visiting in a mid-80′s Mercury Cougar. Back in 1975, the Cougar looked like this
From Old Parked Cars
The one in the picture looks like an 87 or 88
image via wikipedia
Time traveler, obviously.
*How do I know? Time traveler told me
**Then why is this post here? It’s not. You’re having a very strange dream. And you should by no means highlight the space below this.
Because wibbly wobbly timey wimey. I made him pinkie swear to leave it alone. Besides, if it was suddenly disappeared, the disappearance would then prove the existence of time travelers.
Apparently, posting a picture of yourself being fit and a mom equals scandal, fame, and fortune. And a swimsuit calendar. And funding for a non-profit. Ah the evils of capitalism.
Too bad I took this one long before the days of FaceBook
I keep this picture on my desk at work just because it cracks me up. Who knows why he got the idea in his head to attempt a back bend under me, but there was much giggling involved.
And, I’m totally going to get an “Awe Mom!” from the teenager when he sees that I put it on the internet. Never pass up an opportunity to mortify your children. It is one of those side benefits to parenthood.
Okay, so I got the picture part. Now we just wait for fame and fortune.
Success! And failure! All squished up into a meaningless ball.
I broke and thus kept my 2013 New Year’s Resolution all year long. How’d you do?
Maybe for 2014 I should resolve to share more cat pictures. Then I can totally win the internet, right? I can even talk about their new cat house and attract a new type of visitors!
It is a rather impressive cat house.
Or maybe I should just resolve to dust the ceiling.
Emerson has resolved to kill the mouse