Told you the free ice cream machine was on the fritz.
Wear loose fitting long pants, they say. Tuck the hem of your pants into your socks, they say. So I ask you, who is more appropriately dressed for a day in the woods?
If you said me in the cargo pants with drawstrings at the ankles rather than my kilted and legginged* husband, you’d be wrong.
Behold, my knee
So itchy and oozy (not to be confused with Uzi, which is something else entirely). There are more bites, but I do try to keep this site generally safe for work. For those that would like to know, these were apparently conservative chiggers as they stayed exclusively to the right. Or maybe they were liberal chiggers attacking the right. Don’t bother alerting the media.
I hate chiggers. But I suppose it is awful hard to love a parasitic creature that wants nothing more than to liquefy your flesh for consumption. Mmm, scrumptious. Gosh, they seem more liberal all the time. Free ride, free meal, Occupy Jen’s right leg!
You see, this is why you should donate. Because, as noted previously, the kilt can tame the wild feline. It wards off flesh eating, non-PC sounding larval arachnids. And with your help, it can cure cancer. (And also, prizes)
*yep, I’m making up words again.
To say my cat has spent the last seven years frightened of Michael is really an understatement. It just doesn’t tell the whole story. We’re talking sheer terror. Like, losing bowel control terror. No, I don’t know why.
You see, I rescued this bat-eared feline from the construction site at my office.
No, he never did grow into those ears. I raised this little critter into the 18 pounds of pathetic mama’s boy that he is today. He has repaid me with lots of head-butts and snuggles and unwavering loyalty.
Until this happened
Yes, not only can the kilt raise money for a great cause, but it can tame the wild beast.
So go ahead. Donate. Do it for the kitty. Besides, you might just win a prize.
And you know, the haka is pretty darn manly. But being September and all, there is only one response.
As you all know, September is Kilted To Kick Cancer month and so
Why is everyone talking about Angelina’s boobs today anyway? I thought it was the leg that usually made headlines.
Kidding aside, good for her, and bravo for being public about it. A double mastectomy certainly seems drastic, but if you can reduce your risk of cancer from 87% to 5%, that kind of seems like a no-brainer. Yes, she’s another dancing monkey, but even they can be useful. I’ve known women that delayed treatment because they were afraid of losing their boobs. Yes, mastectomy and reconstruction is intensive, but it is far from the end of the world. Be proactive with your health. Don’t ever let fear get in the way of life.
And even after cancer, there is still beauty.
When this happens, I am apparently responsible
Zombie Moses in the hoochie mama summer casual uniform…
Well, you gotta admit, it beats Wayne LaPierre in fishnets and a bustier.
But I like it! If I can find a Charlton Heston mask, I’ll do Charlton in a hooker outfit and pushup bra if y’all put me in the top 3 in fundraising this year.
And now we have a glimpse into the madness that will be this year’s Kilted To Kick Cancer fundraiser. You might start saving your pennies now. September isn’t that far away.
Yeah, you do. I did that for Madison and her mom. Madison’s battle is over, and she’s beyond any pain and suffering now. But I didn’t just do it for Madison. I did it for kids like Sam.
You don’t know Sam? Well here’s his story.
I learned about Sam from a good friend of Sam’s dad, you all know him as MsgtB.
Sam’s dad thinks his mustache is only worth $500. I say F* that noise. As of this writing, he’s already doubled that. I think we can do better.
Sam’s going to get better. He’s going to have many years before he meets Madison. St. Baldricks funds the research to help kids beat cancer. That buys you enough karma points to go kick some puppies and tease some kittens with your tuna sandwich.
His donation link is here.
Spare a thought for my friend today.
Our beloved mistress of snark goes under the
knife melon-baller today. She’s going to be just fine. I mean really, whose side do you want to be on? Tam’s or cancer’s?
I betting on Tam.