Something You Should Know

If I choose to engage in a debate with you*, take it as a compliment. I have already decided that I respect you enough to honestly consider your point of view. Sure, I disagree and even believe you are wrong. But I do not believe you are an idiot. Misguided, maybe. Or maybe I am.

You see, although I believe I have taken the best possible stance based on what I know to be true and the experiences I have had, I am always willing to increase the dataset I am working with. Provide enough information and/or a perspective I hadn’t considered, and you might even change my mind. It’s happened before. Even if you don’t, you will increase my understanding of your point of view provided we can have an actual conversation coming from a place of mutual respect.

I do not engage idiots. I have, and it only ends in frustration. It often descends into name calling and adds nothing to the overall discourse. I have no desire to add to the animosity and division in the world. I want to come away from debates enlightened, not angry. I think we’ve all spent too much time getting angry at the image we hold of various people, and too often we forget that it’s a person behind the beliefs they may hold.

I believe you are better than that. I believe you are capable of considering my point of view as well. I may not change your mind, and that’s okay. We can still be friends even if we disagree.

*I bet you think this post is about you, don’t you? Don’t you? Naw, you’re not vain. It might be. You aren’t alone. Please tell me you’re singing now.

Real Women Are All Sizes, Even Skinny

I tossed the title of this post off in a comment to a friend on Facebook this morning. And although it is perfectly accurate, I wanted to dive into it more deeply. Yes, I’m jumping right into the minefield, so I’m going to attempt to tread lightly.

And really, it wasn’t what he said that gets under my skin. It’s things like this.

anorexic-500Guess what, it didn’t. They are all hot. This image is much better (and you should click on it because it came from a great post).



I’ve honestly been writing this post in my head for weeks, the FB conversation just inspired me to actually put it out there. I think it is wonderful to celebrate the very real beauty of average and larger bodies, but it is not okay to belittle smaller ones to do so.

I have certain beauty standards that I apply to myself and only to myself. I recently started getting back to the gym because, honestly, I felt fat. I’m not, never have been, but that is the lens as it applies to me. I feel most comfortable in my own skin when it’s no larger than a size 4*. I’m at my curviest** and most fit there. It’s what works for my particular frame and body type. It also happens to be where my husband finds me most attractive, and yes, that is important to me as well.

That would be an impossible standard for some and I hold no one other than myself to it. It would be absolutely ridiculous to expect someone of a wildly different body type to conform to the standards I have for myself. If your weight is adversely effecting your health or your happiness, do something about it. You have my encouragement and support.

Even if it was possible, it would deprive the world of their beauty. Because beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. It would deprive me of their beauty. My standards are my definition of beauty for me. It is what it takes for me to find the person in the mirror beautiful. It is not what it takes for me to see another person as beautiful. Don’t ever let someone else’s standards tell you what makes the person in your mirror beautiful.

There are a lot of beautiful women in the images posted above. None of them look like me, and that is a beautiful thing.

*Dear jeans manufacturers, even at a size 4, my hips are wider than my waist and my butt is full and round. You know, like a woman. Relabeling jeans made for adolescent boys is not going to cut it. Also, I like to actually put things in my pockets so could you maybe make them more than an inch deep?

**Curvy does not equal fat; please stop using it that way.