Jennifer’s Fool Proof Post Holiday Diet

Here we go, barrelling straight into the holidays. The more restrained among you still have a bowl of Halloween candy that you’ve been surreptitiously snacking out of. Some of you have already eaten it, while still others have squirreled it away from insatiable teenagers that weren’t even here that night so it’s not like they suspect there’s candy in Mom and Dad’s room…

Not that your humble host would ever do such a thing. With the Snickers. And the Kit Kat…

But that’s all beside the point. We’re here to talk about the holiday weight gain, and I’m here to tell you with careful planning and discipline, you’ll be able to satisfy all your holiday cravings with a simple method which I will detail below.

I’ll get to that, but first let’s talk about the pie, and the potatoes, the stuffing, and the gravy. Oh the gravy! If they are doing it right, that gravy comes from all the drippings from the turkey. That’s right, the fat. And then they are going to add milk or cream. More delicious fat!

You think you’re playing it safe when you head for the “salads” and veggie trays? Think again. Those veggie trays are centered around a vat of ranch dressing. And the “salad”? This is not a salad, but you may find it displayed as one.

What if I told you that with the information I’m going to give you below the break, you could indulge in the snicker salad AND all of the miraculous cookies that appear in the your break room? You want to build a six-inch cone of whipped cream on top of that pumpkin pie, and I know you do, go for it. That specialty strawberry cream that you asked someone to make special for you. You won’t even have to take it home before you eat it straight out of the pie tin and still be amazed at the number on the scale.

All of this and more is offered to you completely free of charge. Just click below the break to subscribe to my completely fraudulent and non-existent newsletter. Just $9.99 a month. Read to the end for an exclusive discount!

Continue reading Jennifer’s Fool Proof Post Holiday Diet

Guess What? We’re All In A Movie

It’s the only reasonable explanation for what’s going on in the world. Think about it.

  • There’s a hacker with incriminating info on the United States government bunking down with an ex-KGB agent who is trying to take over the world in between his shirtless photo-ops.
  • Meanwhile, a plane straight up vanishes from the sky.
  • And a senator who has worked tirelessly to keep guns out of the hands of citizens is caught trying to illegally purchase guns from the Philippines so he can arm the Chinese crime syndicate.
  • All while half the US is caught in a seemingly endless winter that was apparently caused by global warming.

I’m going to go ahead and check upstairs for New York cop with a Beretta. I’ll take him some shoes. You guys find a ragtag group of super heroes with a fancy plane and billionaire on the squad. Bonus points if they’ve also got a God with a big freaking hammer and nice abs.