Argh!!! Noooooooo! Man Fail!

Dudes + Pantyhose = Mantyhose.


They’re Men, They’re Men in Tiiights!

They roam around the forest looking for fights!

Um, this guy won’t have any trouble finding those fights.  I’d kick his as just for the short pleated skirt.  Dudes shouldn’t wear shorts this short.

And again with the uterus retreating.

I get it.  Some men wear hosiery under their clothing where it’s really freaking cold.  Fine.  Do what you gotta do.  But for the love of all things manly, don’t let me see it!

Maybe he’s a lumberjack

I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK
I sleep all night and I work all day
(He’s a lumberjack and he’s OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day)
I cut down trees, I eat my lunch
I go to the lavat’ry
On Wednesdays I go shopping
And have buttered scones for tea
(He cuts down trees…)
(He’s a lumberjack…)
I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I love to press wild flow’rs
I put on women’s clothing
And hang around in bars
(He cuts down trees…)
(He’s a lumberjack…)
I cut down trees, I wear high heels
Suspenders and a bra
I wish I’d been a girlie
Just like my dear papar
(He cuts down trees…)
(He’s a lumberjack…)

Ya know what guys?  If you’re wearing these, you’re not getting laid.  Simple as that. I don’t wear pantyhose anymore.  They are annoying and they ruin easily.  For me, pantyhose are one time use only.  I expect any real man to live life in a far more rough and tumble fashion than I.  These wouldn’t last an hour on my hubby.

I do wear the occasional pair of tights when appropriate and when needed for added warmth.  If a guy needs them for warmth, I shouldn’t be able to see them.  I need them for warmth because I might be wearing a skirt in the winter.  Come on, Celtic men have worn kilts (sexy) in Scotland with no tights for generations.  Have I mentioned I have a high standard for masculinity?

A man wearing mantyhose does not make me want to bear him sons.  I have no desire to have pansy weakling sons.  If you want to land yourself a dangerous woman, mantyhose are not going to help.  You may as well be wearing some flowery scent and showing off your cat’s latest show ribbons.  And driving a minivan.


9 thoughts on “Argh!!! Noooooooo! Man Fail!”

  1. Sniff… I drive a mini-van. (company car) The cat we used to have had show ribbons. Sniff… guess I might as well wear pantyhose.

    Won’t give up my AR or my 1911’s though. 🙂

  2. OK, thanks. I feel better. Even though my associations with these non-manly things were involuntary, I thought I might still be on thin ice.

    The two cats that live here yet are definitely not show winners. 🙂

  3. Naw, Lorimar, actually what you did is very manly. You put your wife ahead of yourself.

    What could be more manly that that? Now, go and crush a beer can against your head to show your manliness.

    If you are ULTRA-manly, do it with a beer bottle (I myself am not THAT manly)

  4. The closest to tights a man should ever get is longjohn underwear.

    Also, above the knee kilt? No, that’s a black tutu. The only way that getup could be more feminine would be to make it all pink.

  5. I agree with you, Jen, that a man in a kilt is rrrrowr! But it’s because we can see a wee bit o’ the knee peekin’ out w’ ev’ry step, and wonder about the rest. Because THERE’s NO TIGHTS, and NO MINISKIRTS!

  6. It’s all about what we aren’t used to seeing disturbs us. Weak consciousness demands a changeless state of affairs. No progress ever transpired attributable to any conformist. The notion that anyone has the right to dictate to another what he may wear belongs on the junk heap of history. Then there’s the matter of style selfish women feeling threatened when part of their fashion cartel is challenged; now they’re losing power over men! “We can wear that but you can’t!”

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