Yeah, Dollhouse

I know, you aren’t watching.  You gave up during the first season.

You know what?  You are seriously missing out.  I don’t like television, but I love this show.  This season, they’ve been playing with morality and what that really means.  Joss Whedon has built us a group of characters where it is often hard to tell who is a good guy and who is a bad guy.  And just what exactly makes all of them tick.  It took a while, but now I really want to know absolutely everyone’s back story.

And hey, if you saw Epitaph One, you know it’s all leading up to TEOTWAWKI.  My readers tend to be interested in that apocalyptic stuff.  And in this one, your stash of canned goods is the least of your worries, but a good stock of ammo will come in handy.

So we’ve got this story building towards the end of the world.  I’m interested in back stories for blank characters.  Everyone is hot.  And then for my birthday, I get Belonging.

Warning:  There are spoilers ahead.  Worth watching even if I spoil every detail.

Seeing as how that episode was released one day after I told the world (hi internet!) that I’d been sexually abused, this one hit pretty hard.  Actually, that’s an understatement.  You would think the whole revelation about the way Sierra wound up in the Dollhouse would have done it.  Or maybe even a bit of vengeance fantasy.

In the van outside you’ll find containers of sulpheric acid, a plastic sheet and a bag of tools

Makes you wonder how he knows this stuff?

Anyway, no.  That wasn’t what got me.  No, it was Victor.

Victor who want nothing more than to protect Sierra.  This love that transcends all the stuff they are going through.  Victor, the soldier that takes away all the black paint because it makes Sierra unhappy.  When Sierra is with Victor, she can’t see the bad man’s face.  She just knows that he is bad.  When she is with the bad man, she can’t see Victor’s face, but she knows she loves him.

I love him so much more than I hate you.

She loves him so much, she makes the choice to be part of the Dollhouse.  A choice she hadn’t been given before.

Something an abuser does to a victim is takes the power and control away.  It doesn’t just come back on it’s own.  As a victim, I didn’t feel I owned my own sexuality.  I’m not a victim anymore; I’m a survivor.  I own it and the power that goes with it.

Belonging ended on a hopeful note.  Even though Sierra had been through the ringer, Victor was still sitting and waiting for her.  He doesn’t realize everything he is protecting her from, but he is driven to do it.  He simply loves her.  He is purest embodiment of what a real man looks like.  He’s strong and gentle and keeps his promises.

My husband has done that for me and so much more.  He knew my demons were there, he just didn’t know what they were.  He stayed, even though I tried to push him away.  He took my abuses.  He just wanted to be with me and protect me.  Now he knows.  And he’s still here.  And I love him so much more.  Now that no one else holds power over me, I can make the real choice to fully be his wife.  I am so very lucky.

And yeah, I’m okay.  I haven’t had any sort of breakdown.  It’s freeing.  I feel like Jenni uncensored.  There’s no longer this all-encompasing coping mechanism that kept me from really being me all the time.  I took the day off today due to a sore throat.  I think I needed the time to myself.  The sore throat was more my body’s way of making sure I took it.

3 thoughts on “Yeah, Dollhouse”

  1. Belonging was such a powerful episode. It hit me a little harder each time they showed Victor waiting for Sierra. And when she came back to the doll house and chose to be an active again, and he was still there waiting for her, I cried. It was so beautiful. This was the first episode, as far as I can recall, that shows that Sierra reciprocates Victors love for her. I have been waiting for that because he loves her so much.

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