Dear God
February 5, 2010 9:09 pm Current Events, Life, blogI need a favor. Not a big one. I’ve been through worse actually. I just want to know what else. Can you tell me what more you plan to throw at me? I know from experience that you will give me the strength to get through it.
After years of silence, I finally spoke about my abuse. I was ostracized from people I love dearly, and You’ve gotten me through so far.
My husband was laid off. There has been a lot of interest, but only a few orders with TheHolsterSite. I have faith that you will work this out for us. You’ve done it before in far more dire situations. Whatever comes next, I know it will be what You want.
My dad fell. It was sudden. We’ve had multiple ups and downs with his recovery. He was in ICU, he got out. Only to be sent back. Then out again and then into rehab. Is home next? It’s supposed to be.
I really believe that you won’t throw more at me than what I can handle even if it stretches me. I know it, but sometimes it’s hard. Am I done for now? Or is there another blow waiting for me? If you’ve got one, I’m ready. I think. I just want to know. Or, maybe not. You’ve let me be pushed beyond what I thought possible. I’m still here. And I am stronger. Is it worth it? I don’t know. I don’t know what you have planned for me. I have faith that you have a greater plan. I’m willing, ready or not. In your ways which are so much greater than my ways, I trust that it is worth it. I do.
I’m hurt. You know that. You also know how much I can be hurt. Here I am Lord, send me. I am nothing without you. I am not to the point of desperation. But I am hurting. I’m scared. But here I am. Only you know how exactly imperfect I am.
Send me. Just tell me what’s in store. What should I expect? Am I on the right track? It feels right. Isaac is spending a lot more time with his dad. That alone is great. The bills are still being paid. Dad seems to be on the mend.
Are we moving forward? Is that all I’ve got for now. Or is there another surprise? I know you will prepare me either way. Thank you.
February 5th, 2010 at 9:20 pm
Many a time, Jen, I have prayed this: “Lord, I know You have promised not to give me more than I can handle, but I really *don’t* want to know how much more I can take!”
I love ya, seestah. I’m here for you, too. This, too, shall pass.
February 5th, 2010 at 10:02 pm
What ever I can do to help, just tell me and I’ll do it if I can. Maybe part of all this was to let you know how much your friends care about you.
it will get better Jen, this valley your in is just a blip and soon you’ll be climbing another, taller hill. Hugs to all of you and call anytime you like
February 6th, 2010 at 7:39 am
As tough as this is consider how difficult these challenges would be without faith and friends. You have both. If necessary your friends will carry you, and your faith will sustain you.
February 6th, 2010 at 10:08 am
I know we don’t “know” each other but I just wanted you to know that I’m praying for you. God loves to have us in a place of dependence on Him. He always keeps His promise to see us through.
February 6th, 2010 at 10:40 am
You guys are awesome. Thank you. Like I said, I’ve been through worse. Trust me, I know that God and the support of my friends will get me through whatever life throws my direction.
Also wine share + blogging = depressing post. It’s okay, it also lets me know I have great friends.
February 6th, 2010 at 4:15 pm
Hang in there Jen! You guys have been on my mind a lot lately and I make sure and pray peace and understanding over you every time. Love you babe! (you, too, Michael)
February 6th, 2010 at 8:02 pm
*hugs*
February 9th, 2010 at 9:09 am
You people are awesome! Lord, how did we get connected with such great friends?!?!? Yeah, we’ll be fine. Once I’m gainfully employed again (even if that turns out to be self-), we shall celebrate with a rigorous range session followed by GOOD whiskey! -The kind that doesn’t sound like some backwater hick made it in his back yard still. Yum!
February 9th, 2010 at 9:36 am
*comfort*
It’s been a hard year for me as well. I lost my job in March. And that puts a lot of strain on a marriage (as I am sure you know).
I encourage you to be supportive of your husband. From my own experience, it can be hard keeping one’s morale up. Sometimes we’re filled with hope and optimistic (usually when an interview is scheduled). And sometimes we are so full of our own doubts.
It was rough, I felt like a failure having lost my job. A failure to keep my wife happy. A failure in my church. It all just stacks up.
It can be tough. I was really down when I connected with an old friend. He mentioned he was in the hospital while his wife underwent brain surgery. I realize how blessed I was because at least my family has it’s health.
So I encourage you to hang tough. Sometimes God throws so much, it doesn’t destroy us – but it surely breaks us. We wonder why God has to push us to that edge.
Listen to this…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2-hLLjr85c
This song has been an encouragement over the years.
February 9th, 2010 at 9:45 am
Thank you! My husband will tell you that I am his biggest fan. We’ve weathered worse. He’s no failure in my book.
February 9th, 2010 at 11:55 am
I’m with you. I’ll offer up a prayer for you today.
February 9th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
I’ve had a lot going on so I haven’t been able to stop by as much as normal, but you and your husband (and your dad) have been in my prayers.
—
A bruised reed He will not break And a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish; He will faithfully bring forth justice. Isaiah 42:3
—
Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered, “Peace be still”
He can settle any sea
But it doesn’t mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the winds and waves go wild
Because sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child.
–Scott Krippayne
February 9th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
NUGUN-I love that song.
Lawyer, Jim,-Thank you
February 10th, 2010 at 12:24 pm
NUGUN – I appreciated that more than you know. I have been experiencing a bit of an internal roller coaster, and wondered if I should seek medication! Ok, so I exaggerate… Even so, it’s good to hear that I’m not the only one to experience the mood up and down of attempting to return to gainful employment.
And, Jenni is right. She’s always supportive, no matter what the situation is!
February 11th, 2010 at 1:35 pm
you two have definitely had a tough few months, but you’ll get through it.
it’s much easier to get through the crap when someone else has your back.