With all the controversy surrounding Obama and the Reverend Wright, this whole issue of ‘white guilt’ keeps popping up. Apparently anyone of European descent is supposed to feel guilty and therefore owe some kind of debt to those of African descent. Even though there are no living slave owners, former slave owners, slaves, or even former slaves living in the United States. And wrongheaded liberals are falling for this line of bullshit hook, line and, sinker. Well I have great news for you! Walter E Williams absolves you. It’s true. Here’s a printable certificate. Now, don’t you feel better?

You no longer have to worry about being labeled a racist if you don’t vote for the Obamessiah. This is exactly the kind of hope and change we all need.

In light of this, I will offer my own absolution as a woman to a large group of men. It is true that some men have done terrible things to women based solely on their gender. It is true that rights were withheld from women due to our different sex. I, Jennifer Hast, do grant absolution and pardon for all men not directly responsible for such reprehensible acts. You can now carry your head high knowing that you are not guilty of crimes you never committed. Sorry, no printable certificate.

UPDATE My friend Instinct did the very cool thing of making a printable certificate!  Click here for the pdf.

There, now go vote based on some real issues. You no longer have to be afraid that voting for reasons beyond race will get you labeled as a racist, and you no longer have to worry that voting for reasons unrelated to genitals will automatically label you a sexist. Judge them not by the color of their skin or the bathroom they enter but by the content of their character.