Dance, Monkey!

Dear Hollywood celebrities,

You exist for my entertainment.  Some of you are great eye candy.  Some of you can deliver a line with such conviction that you bring tears to my eyes.  Some of you can scare the crap out of me.  Others make me laugh.  But you all have one thing in common, you only have a place in my world to entertain me.  That’s it.

You make your living pretending to be someone else.  Playing dress up like a retard*.  You live in a make believe world in front of a camera.  And often when you are away from one too.  Your entire existence depends on my patronage.

I’ll crank the organ grinder; you dance.

I don’t really care where you stand on issues.  Honestly, your stance matters far less to me than that of my neighbor.  You see, you aren’t real.  I turn off my TV or shut down my computer and you cease to exist in my world.  Once I am done with you, I can put you back in your little box until I want you to entertain me again.

I don’t care that you think the BP executives deserve the death penalty.  But I bet you looked cute saying it.

And you?  Really?  I’m supposed to care what the director of fluffy tripe made for gullible people thinks of those who realize global warming is a scam?  Get back into your bubble.  I’ll let you know when I’m in the mood for something blue and shiny.

Make me laugh, or cry.  Scare me.  But realize that the only words of yours that matter are scripted.  I might agree with some of you from time to time, but it doesn’t matter.  In my world, you exist solely for my entertainment.

So, shut your pie hole and dance, monkey!

*that’s a reference to a quote and not a commentary on the mentally impaired.  I’d never use that term for someone who didn’t choose to be mentally impaired.  But some people make the choice to not use their mental faculties and are voluntarily slow.  For those, the term is appropriate.

–and after all the linky (thanks Ambulance Driver, AEPilotJimFirehand, LawDog, and Borepatch) I realize there was a glaring lack of comma.

ETA-This originated with me. Other people have been known to publish it as their own, but it is mine. Please feel free to share this post with proper accreditation and a link back to this page. If you see it without, please let me know. Thank you.

95 thoughts on “Dance, Monkey!”

  1. I figure you may know Jennifer, but this post has been given new life w/the 2016 elections and actors saying they’ll move to Canada. Just google your classic final line. :))
    I sought out the source though and just wanted to say – damn fine piece of prose, now reaching a ton more people – congrats!

  2. Yeah I want to take advice on choosing the people who will be deciding how much I will be taxed and how much of my money will be given to other people from people who get paid MILLIONS of dollars standing in front of a camera and pretending. MILLIONAIRES who haven’t put in an honest day of work their entire lives. Friggen famous pukes.

    1. Do you always get your panties in a wad when other people have opinions? I do not get and never will get all this hatred and animosity that spews from righties every time somebody from the entertainment industry has a political opinion. Why the hell shouldn’t they? There’s no law that says they cant. They also do not exist for you. You might go to their movies or buy their songs but you are way way way less important in their lives than you think you are.

        1. See, this is what I find so delightfully ironic. I assume you are here on my site because on some level, I entertain you. Unless you are one of the people here with whom I have an actual relationship, I exist as your dancing monkey. If my dance does not entertain you, why are you here? I know full well that my opinion is worth every cent you paid for it.

          1. I thoroughly enjoyed this piece and appreciate the irony. LOL. I hope you don’t mind, but with imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, i borrowed, plagiarized, and used this blog in reference to the current NFL players situation on my FB wall. I gave you due credit for comment and linked back to your original.

      1. They can spew all they want. But they are trained monkeys whose only claim to fame is that they are pretty, and can remember lines and recite them with feeling. Like Jennifer, I really don’t care what they think.

        1. Do you think that they care what you think?

          BTW, they are American citizens who also have a right to their opinions. You don’t have to care — or agree.

          1. I’m sure they don’t care what I think. Never said they didn’t have a right to their own opinions only that they don’t matter. Being a celebrity doesn’t mean they have better opinions or that anyone should give their opinions more weight than that of their neighbor.

  3. Hi again Jennifer –

    Just an update – I just presented your incredible post to the ridiculous organization below, so hopefully it will get in front of even more of your well-targeted audience.
    Still just as entertaining as the first time I read it, now all of Hollyweird will hopefully get that opportunity – regards!

    1. What opportunity? The opportunity to not give an opinion without Jennifer’s personal approval? You really think anybody in Hollywood is going to give a rats ass about what she says? I sure hope not. The righties might, people like Clint Eastwood (when he’s not talking to chairs) etc. I sure hope not.

      Speaking of Clint Eastwood did Jennifer get upset when he practiced his first amendment rights? How about when crapper Ted Nugent pranced around on the stage brandishing a machine gun and inviting Obama to suck it? Are those entertainers also not supposed to have any political opinions? Do they also only exist for Jennifer’s entertainment? (That first line “You exist for my entertainment” shows a head that is so massively swelled it’s just incredible. They exist for her entertainment?? Really???) Is she going to crank the organ grinder while they dance? Am I supposed to care what those two, or any of the other Hollywood conservatives think? I don’t. Does Jennifer think that they also should shut their pie hole and dance, monkey?

      1. Thanks for stopping by! I do so love commentary from those lacking in basic reading comprehension. No, you don’t have to care what any Hollywood conservative thinks any more than I have to care what out of touch liberal celebrities think. That’s the point of the rant. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but the opinion of some famous person comes with no more authority than some random stranger. In fact, they live a lifestyle so far divorced from what most people do, that they have little to no way to understand normal life. And yes, the only part they play in my world is entertainment. These people are not my friends, my family, or even my neighbors.

      2. NOPE, conservative celebrity opinions don’t matter either – they’re given the same mic, and should keep their P.H.s shut in the same fashion.

        If they want their opinions to matter outside their dressing rooms, they should actually *run* for these elected offices themselves, not just spew these aggrandized narratives from their self-appointed 15-minute podiums. I seem to remember an actor from California who did just that, achieving the highest office in the land…

        And no, not just her – she’s speaking for a ‘collective’ audience, similar to the representative democracy we all live in – she certainly expressed an opinion I agree with, as do millions of others who have shared this post in the last few months.

        These monkeys work for us, and the only reason they have jobs is the collective audience forks over our $$ at movies and concerts, and watch the ads, etc, that fund their existence – otherwise they’d just sink into the invisible hole of creative obscurity… which I what I can only hope happens to Kanye… soon.

      3. Seems you either care much or why protest ? Rhetorical . . .
        RESPECT is earned. We all need to insure the evidence proves us worthy & irrefutible.
        It should not matter who is in charge as long as we are all held to the same standard.
        We keep proving our lack by our posts, behavior & obvious disrespect for self & others.
        We all need to raise a standard in being & walking out the change & example we desire to experience in our circles of influence & world.
        What kind of legacy are we leaving for future generations?
        What will our families & children remember about us?

  4. Umm no, that wasn’t the point of the rant. The point of the rant was that liberals in the entertainment industry shouldn’t have an opinion, or should not express their opinion. Nobody ever said that you were obligated to care about what anybody thinks. But in your rant you’re not just “not caring” you’re getting totally pissed simply because these people, who you claim “exist for my entertainment”, have dared to express an opinion.

    The rant is mostly about you. I haven’t counted all the my’s, me’s and I’s but there sure seems to be a lot. The first paragraph is totally about you being the center of their universe, at least in your own mind. People are entitled to their opinions. It doesn’t matter how large or small a role they play in your world. In the second paragraph you state that they make their living “playing dress up like a retard”. It doesn’t matter what they do. They are still entitled to an opinion and they are entitled to express those opinions. Their making their living by “playing dress up like a retard” does not change that. The next paragraph, after the organ grinder crack, has the jaw dropping line “you see, you aren’t real.”. Actually they are real. They might not be real in your world but in the real world, where most of us live, they are real. Your reply ends with “And yes, the only part they play in my world is entertainment. These people are not my friends, my family, or even my neighbors.” Actually you already said that and I didn’t question it so I don’t know why you’re bringing it up again. In any case it doesn’t matter if they’re not your friends or family or even neighbors.

    “NOPE, conservative celebrity opinions don’t matter either – they’re given the same mic, and should keep their P.H.s shut in the same fashion.”
    I do have to say that it’s nice (I guess) that you cover both sides with your wacky theory that certain people should just shut up and not express an opinion.

    (What is commentluv?)

    1. Wow! Typical Lib – telling someone what the meaning of what they wrote was. It must he challenging to be such an elitist prick. To have the audacity to correct what she thinks she wrote meant. As if that wasn’t enough, you then go on so say how self-absorbed she is. Pot, meet kettle. God you people really do suck. On January 20th be sure to look in the mirror and give yourself a big thanks, for its the likes of you, the tone-deaf, elitists that gave us President Trump, but be sure you’re wearing your safety-pin little snowflake.

    2. Ha! Of course it’s about me, it’s MY blog. I’m Jennifer and these are the thoughts that rattle around in my head. Hence the title. Note that every time you come by to tell me how wrong I am and libsplain what I really said, you’re increasing my traffic and ad revenue. Thanks! I’m glad I could entertain you enough that you have supplemented my income.

      (commentluv is a plugin where if you had a blog or website of your own, the magic internet elves would run over and grab a link to your site hopefully increasing your traffic and ad revenue as well.)

    3. Awesome – Jennifer has to explain to the intelli-left-ual what a Biographical LOG is – classic!

      Sure, everybody has opinions – what people forget is all opinions are not equally valid. Yet, the entertainment crowd loves to believe their own press and espouse theirs like they’re somehow more important – I feel THAT’s what she’s smacking them on!! (Jenn, forgive me if I’m misinterpreting?).

      And yup, she cops to owning these and they’re all hers – I just happen to agree with this one. Therefore, “In Jennifer’s Head” is an apt title for her blog and POV, just the way your blog would be if you started one up, and named it “Up Arthur’s Ass.”

      And YES, it was the over-confident Lib crowd that made Trump president, by again – believing your left-owned media and kicking back until you all started crying about 8pm.

      Was wild evening and amazing to watch – now THAT’S entertainment!!

    4. The really ridiculous thing about your continued rants is that Jennifer didn’t use the words “liberal” or “conservative” anywhere in her original post. However, you seem to have taken offence anyway. How typically liberal of you.

      What happened? Did you not get enough participation trophies when you were growing up?

    5. Frankly, I pay to be entertained, not deluged with some empty headed celebrity’s political opinion.
      What they do outside of their job is their business. If they choose to use that time to alienate part of their audience, then so be it. I can understand completely the desire to use their celebrity to gather support for an interest. Its a powerful tool. They should at least make sure its factual and even so, with the clear understanding that despite their enormous egos, not everybody loves them or will agree with them. And even the people that do love them , there will be those that they will alienate. SO “enter at your own risk” as they say.
      For me, I don’t want to watch it in the comedy routines, on the playing field, in the concerts, or what have you. That where the monkey is being paid to dance for my entertainment, to deliver what entertains me. I am not entertained by politics. I want my entertainment to take me away from that for awhile.
      That message goes to the celebrities I agree with politically too.
      I dont want to have my entertainment ruined by a rant. I’ll politically support them at another time.

      And yes they better well care what the public thinks. We are the customer. No different from any other business voicing a political stance.
      And when they do, they will pay in lost business.
      Dolly Parton was recently pressed to make a political statement and she refused. She understands the price she’d have to pay if she upset even some of her fans. That was more important to her and she deserves respect.

      it would be great if so many others followed her example.

  5. The meaning of what you wrote is in the words, which I can read. It doesn’t matter what you were thinking at the time. Didn’t you know that? You are self absorbed. You get pissed off when others have opinions and express those opinions. You think they shouldn’t because they’re not a large part of Jennifer’s world. That sure sounds self absorbed to me. Is it only celebrities that shouldn’t express their opinions, or are their others. What about waiters and waitresses? Don’t they only exist in your world to bring you your food?

    No, it wasn’t me that gave us Donald Trump. Let’s get that fucking straight right now. He ran as a conservative Republican, not a liberal Democrat. It was the Republicans, not the Democrats, who gave him the nomination. And it was conservatives, not liberals who voted for him. Trump belongs to your side, your side owns him. If you voted for him you own him too.

    Us liberals only seem elitist because we’re so classy compared to the cons.

    I wasn’t talking about the blog when I said it’s all about you. I was talking about the commentary. Just because it’s somebody’s blog that doesn’t mean that the comments are all about that person. They are not automatically linked.

    I don’t care about traffic or ad revenue. Unless it’s an audio ad, I hate those. Especially when they come up after you’ve gone to a different tab and you hear this voice and you don’t know what tab it’s coming from. Thanks for the commentluv explanation.

  6. Jennifer,
    I was trying to track down the original author of this post (saw it on Facebook). Since I think I found her, I wanted to let you know that I LOVE it! The version I saw had the word “retard” removed and replaced with “6 year old”. Anyway, I love your post, and I wanted to make sure that if I post it, I give credit to the right person, if that’s ok.
    Thank you!

    1. You are correct and thank you tracking me down. I’m actually not a fan of throwing the word “retard” around but it was a direct quote. This particular post has taken on a life of its own. I welcome the re-sharing with credit.

  7. Case in point:

    Meryl Streep = latest example

    She gets 3 minutes.

    President-elect Trump gets 4 (or 8) years.

    That’s about the right ratio.

  8. I just want to say that this is exactly the same thing I was speaking to a co worker about this morning. It is exactly how I have felt about entertainers for a very long time. Yes, they should have a voice, but you don’t see me on a television show telling people how I feel about the current political climate. Normal people.. that would be us, never get a voice in large venues like celebrities do, which first off, isn’t fair and secondly, why are you asking someone who got a job because they have a certain look what they think of politics?? Their opinion isn’t any more important than my dogs, which I don’t seen the local news station camped outside my house to interview. Also, the comments are general done during a event where they stand around and give each other awards.. how lame is that? I didn’t see my 20 yr service award ceremony on the TNT. We cater too much to the wrong people and let them influence us over important things where they have neither the intellect nor an opinion I honestly care for.

    Basically, your my new hero. Thanks

  9. Good afternoon Jennifer. I am the editor for the blog over at Gruntworks. One of our fans submitted your blog above (without attributing it to you), and when I asked him, he said he saw it “somewhere on the Internet”. I googled the first few lines and went through several pages of results, only to find some YouTube videos, Facebook posts, and other posts that stated that the author was unknown. Thanks for contacting us and directing us to this link from 2010. I will publish an attribution to you this evening on our Facebook page…same place we posted the fan submission. Brilliant words…thank you very much for contacting us to set the record straight. I have included my email address should you wish to contact me. I have a blog I wrote over a year ago, stating some of the same things. I was an extra in “Pearl Harbor” and wrote a blog about the differences between Hollywood military and the actual military. You might enjoy it. The link is:

    Thanks for your time,
    Jeff Prescott
    SGT-P, Gruntworks

  10. Hey Jennifer…update to my previous post to your blog.

    We went ahead and edited the original post with a link to this blog page (4:45 pm Central Time, 1-11-17). This way, the 810 shares we received will now have the link in it. We figured this will get more reach for you instead of just publishing an additional post that may not get as much reach.

    SGT P

  11. Absolutely fantastic illumination and definition of what millions are thinking. As to the libtard response, trying to reason with a progressive is much like trying to pickup a turd by the clean end; it cannot be done.

  12. Clearly, you who harshly criticize Jennifer for being a right-ist hate-monger do not know her, and are jumping to conclusions you think you see in her words. All you have to do is read through her entire blog site to see that she is an intelligent, articulate, humorous person who is also a loving and devoted wife, mother, family member, and friend.

    Her “Dance, Monkey” blog entry, in that context, is clearly a “fed-up rant,” which she transparently characterizes it as being. It is evident in the piece itself that she is exhausted by the pontifications of those whose only qualification is their God-given (intended reference to the creator) beauty and/or talent, and nothing of their own.

    In any other setting one’s talent in one field does not qualify him or her to authority in another. Why do we tolerate it from so-called celebrities? The fact that they use a gracious gift as entitlement to condescension in itself proves Jennifer’s point. She’s skewering their blatant lack of humility, not their personhood.

    Additionally, I do not read the entry as a call to dehumanize the individuals in question (their attitude towards us mere mortals accomplishes that), or to imply that they do not require God’s love and mercy any less than anyone else. Rather, it appears to me to be a brilliant use of satire intended to spark thought and conversation. Clearly, Jennifer accomplished that goal.

  13. Just to bump this.

    I’ve gotten so much mileage out of this term!

    I really appreciate you coining it, even if I forget to give proper attribution. If I ever make money from using it, it’s yours with interest.

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