Dance, Monkey!

Dear Hollywood celebrities,

You exist for my entertainment.  Some of you are great eye candy.  Some of you can deliver a line with such conviction that you bring tears to my eyes.  Some of you can scare the crap out of me.  Others make me laugh.  But you all have one thing in common, you only have a place in my world to entertain me.  That’s it.

You make your living pretending to be someone else.  Playing dress up like a retard*.  You live in a make believe world in front of a camera.  And often when you are away from one too.  Your entire existence depends on my patronage.

I’ll crank the organ grinder; you dance.

I don’t really care where you stand on issues.  Honestly, your stance matters far less to me than that of my neighbor.  You see, you aren’t real.  I turn off my TV or shut down my computer and you cease to exist in my world.  Once I am done with you, I can put you back in your little box until I want you to entertain me again.

I don’t care that you think the BP executives deserve the death penalty.  But I bet you looked cute saying it.

And you?  Really?  I’m supposed to care what the director of fluffy tripe made for gullible people thinks of those who realize global warming is a scam?  Get back into your bubble.  I’ll let you know when I’m in the mood for something blue and shiny.

Make me laugh, or cry.  Scare me.  But realize that the only words of yours that matter are scripted.  I might agree with some of you from time to time, but it doesn’t matter.  In my world, you exist solely for my entertainment.

So, shut your pie hole and dance, monkey!

*that’s a reference to a quote and not a commentary on the mentally impaired.  I’d never use that term for someone who didn’t choose to be mentally impaired.  But some people make the choice to not use their mental faculties and are voluntarily slow.  For those, the term is appropriate.

–and after all the linky (thanks Ambulance Driver, AEPilotJimFirehand, LawDog, and Borepatch) I realize there was a glaring lack of comma.

ETA-This originated with me. Other people have been known to publish it as their own, but it is mine. Please feel free to share this post with proper accreditation and a link back to this page. If you see it without, please let me know. Thank you.

94 thoughts on “Dance, Monkey!”

  1. Professional liars. They can be paid to say anything. Shame on me if I believe what they say – shame on them if THEY believe what they say.

  2. “So, shut your pie hole and dance monkey!”

    I think that may be my favorite line that I’ve read anywhere in my entire life! From now on, everytime I see a Hollyweird actor making a political comment, I’ll be yelling this at the screen, whether it be computer or television.

  3. I’m supposed to care what the director of fluffy tripe made for gullible people thinks of those who realize global warming is a scam? Get back into your bubble.

    You must be one of those Deniers.


  4. My first impulse was to propose marriage. Just thank the crazy old man and decline politely, if you flip out, you’ll hurt his feelings. If you say yes, he’ll have a heart attack.

    You have that singularly unique gift of seeing the world as it is. By that I mean I agree with almost everything you write.

  5. While I agree with some of your sentiment, it would be wise to remember that all of us have to dance like monkeys from time to time.

  6. Superlative post Jennifer. Tam had a recent post about TSA procedures for “service monkeys” at airports. I hereby make a formal motion that Hollywood folk should hereafter be referred to as our “Entertainment Service Monkeys,” by normal people. Do I hear a second?

  7. Pingback: One for Jennifer.
  8. Lawdog herded me over too, nipping at my ankles.

    Our British entertainers are much the same. It is an occupational disease.

    I have known a number (not the big stars) and the thing to remember is that actors in particular occupy a world just off-centre from the dimension the rest of us inhabit.

    It is part of their nature – and what makes it possible for actors to act well – but the circumstances of the theatre, the movie or TV set all combine to put up a semi-transparent wall between them and reality.

    Actors at least have to be able to engage sufficiently with people to create character, but pop stars? Don’t get me started, just remember that uncontrolled ego leads to cognitive dissonance.

  9. ya think in the spirit of equal time, BP would offer to enforce the death penalty upon him the next time he inflicts a celluloid turd upon the american public?

  10. Jennifer, hadn’t read this post before tonight. Awesome. Reminds me of a Tam comment that went something like, “Why should I care about my court jester’s opinion on geopolitics?”

    Dance, monkeys, or no bananas for you!

  11. Romans considered actors to be in the same class as prostitutes.

    Or maybe lower.

    Actors are surprisingly cheap … for a few thousand dollars, you can have one attend a party and mix with your guests.

    Unless they earn respect doing something else that is actually real, they are just hired stage help.

  12. Wow! I missed this the first time. Just read it perusing some categorized posts.

    This should be posted at the top of every “entertainment” website. As a reminder.

    We don’t watch sports, nor commercial TV (I hate commercials every 5-8 minutes in a show). Some months we don’t even turn the TV on to watch the occasional rented DVD. And don’t miss it one iota. Life has too much reality going on to bother with blather.

  13. Robert Heinlein had as one of the marks of “the crazy years” that we consider athletes and entertainers to be people of importance who should be listened to on matters of public policy.

    They’re not. They exist for entertainment. If they have any knowledge and wisdom beyond that it’s pure coincidence. Actors play pretend for money. Athletes grunt and sweat for money. Ability in either of those fields is meaningless in terms of public policy.

    I care very little what athletes and entertainers have to say on public policy. And the very little bit that I do care is not because of them, but because of all the _other_ idiots that think that what they think and say matters.

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