Christmas Weight Loss Plan

Best idea I’ve had yet!  And seriously, everyone else makes you pay at least $19.95 for miracle weight loss.  Here I am about to give you my simple weight loss plan for free!

Free!!

But it will only work if you plan carefully.

First, you’ll have to bait your trap.  That fat man that comes around this time of year seems to have a thing for milk and cookies.  And if you hang some socks around, you should be able to distract him easily.  Now just wait.

Oh don’t worry about taking out the fat man.  The first lady says that obesity is a threat to national security.  You’ll be doing everyone a favor.  And really, you want some fat man sneaking into your house, eating your milk and cookies, and shoving stuff in your socks?  Personally, I hate it when there is something in my sock.

Now the next step is very important.  With the fat man taken care of, you’ll have to slip up to the rooftop without being noticed.

You know what’s there?  Gravity defying venison.

That’s right.  Eat great and lose weight.

You see, weight is just the force that gravity exerts on the mass of an object.  If you eat gravity defying venison, you lose weight.  It’s brilliant!  Fool proof even.

/me waits for wheel barrows of cash

What?  My logic is impeccable.

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