The Real Killer Theory

I just knew that all the pieces were falling into place to finally roll out my very own vast conspiracy theory that Barack H Obama is the real killer.  I mean, OJ was on the right track looking for him on all those golf courses.

It all seemed too perfect.  I mean, we don’t really know anything about him prior to him showing up as the senator from Chicago.  He’s got narrow enough hands for the infamous acquittal glove.  He was nobody back then.  I mean, really, what better community organizing could one do than a Chicago style frame up of a well-beloved football player?

No record, no history, someone else takes the fall.  Perfect.

But now, apparently, Oprah has succeeded where everyone else has failed and gotten a confession out of OJ Simpson.

Wait!  Can’t you see it?

Oprah was instrumental in getting Dear Reader elected!

It’s all part of the ruse!  Obama really is the real killer, but OJ is confessing because he’s got nothing left to lose.  It’s the last piece of the puzzle.  Oprah is part of the coverup! She’s got a virtual army of brain-washed housewives salivating for their next call to action (or maybe free chicken).  She promised to use her media voodoo to turn Barry into a household name if he would just destroy an icon of professional sports.  With the market for televised sporting events down, she would be free to crown herself queen of daytime television.  She could be the one true shepherd of the television addicted sheeple.

And her power grew beyond her wildest dreams!  She even put her own hit-man in the White House.

But that was her first mistake, for his incompetence hit her where it hurt.  Her ratings.  She was forced to end the talk show juggernaut and birth a cheap cable substitute.  And so she goes back for one last hit on the beleaguered sports icon.  All for the almighty ratings.

And so I ask, faithful readers, have I missed anything?

*edited to add reference to the chicken debacle.  And for the opportunity to use the phrase ‘chicken debacle.’

5 thoughts on “The Real Killer Theory”

  1. Oh, you brilliant fools, don’t you see the REAL truth???

    They were all set up by Rush Limbaugh who was using the radio waves to send subliminal messages that brainwashed them into doing these things!

    And obviously, you were caught in the same trap while I, wearing my tinfoil hat, still retain free will!

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