Lions and Kittens and Delivery! Oh My!

As previously mentioned, I’ve been having odd dreams lately.  Last night was no exception.

EvylRobot and I had seen a commercial for a new food delivery place that had opened up in town.  (Which is a neat trick since we don’t actually watch television.) The commercial was catchy and corny and most of all, memorable.  Particularly the tag line, “A mountain lion with every order!” Said cheerfully by the grinning spokesperson.

It was just so ridiculous that we had to check this place out. Hey, it pays to be creative. So I made the phone call and placed our order. Predictably, in the same tone as you would expect the ‘would you like fries with that’ line, the operator said, “And would you like the mountain lion with that?”

“Hell yes I want my mountain lion!” *giggle* And then I hung up the phone.

“That’s got to be one of the weirder promotions out there,” commented Evyl.

“I know, right?”

A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. I excitedly opened the door.

There, on my front porch, was the pimply faced delivery boy with the expected white bags and a large crate. They are really taking this gag to the limits! I handed over the money instructing the kid to keep the change.  He grinned and thanked me as he handed over the food. He then popped the latch on the crate and into my entry hall walked…

A rather perturbed looking mountain lion. You’d be perturbed too if you were the promotional item for a combo meal.

“Nice kitty”

He gave me that look that only cats and teenagers can give and sauntered over to the couch where he promptly curled up in my spot. (Yes, I have a spot. No, I am not Sheldon-esque attached.) So I did the only reasonable thing I could think of, I sat down beside him and scratched him behind the ears.  My giant house-cats like that, after all. He lifted his head, grunted, and laid his head in my lap. It was actually kind of cute.

Evyl came around the corner, apparently, having missed the delivery boy. “Um, honey? There’s a mountain lion on the couch.”

“Yep.”

“Well. That’s unexpected.”

“We did order him.”

“You ordered him, but I didn’t expect they would actually bring one.”

“And yet, here he is.”

After discussing what to do with our new house guest, we decided that cougars probably do not make great house cats and ushered him out the back door.

Where he promptly ate the neighbor’s kitten that had been using my flower bed as its own personal litter box.  I have mixed feelings about this. No one really wants to see/hear a kitten being devoured, but it was pooping in my strawberries.

Dreams like this lead to odd morning conversations with pre-caffeinated Jen as well.

Jen: So I dreamed we had a mountain lion

ER: Huh.  That’s interesting

Jen: It came with my combo meal

ER: That’s a helluva Happy Meal prize

Jen: It was delivery

ER: Did they bring it on a leash?

Jen: Crate. Which they opened on the front porch.

ER: Of course.

I think he’s getting used to the meanderings of my unconscious mind.

 

 

14 thoughts on “Lions and Kittens and Delivery! Oh My!”

  1. The Queen has historically had extremely vivid, odd dreams. I get what I call “the dream report” whether I like it or not.

  2. Heh. Call the place back, tell em you’ve already got a cougar in that color, could you exchange it for an ocelot or aardvark or honey-badger or something?
    RabidAlien´s last blog post ..June

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