Startling Revelation! The Whole World Is Broken

Yes, all of it.  You see, it is logically inconsistent that we should live in a world where guns just go off willy nilly of their own volition, and yet, my dishwasher has never once spontaneously done the dishes.

Not. Even. Once.

It’s a travesty of epic proportions.  Clearly there is some kind of rip in the space time continuum.

My vacuum cleaner? It just sits silently in the closet. It was designed for one purpose and one purpose alone and yet it stubbornly refuses to perform this action without outside intervention.

Something must be done.  Either that, or I want to move to the parallel universe where the laundry just cleans itself. Or maybe the one where feral irons invade my closet to eradicate wrinkles.

Surely we could engineer just the right rift in space and time to pick and chose which inanimate objects would spontaneously do what they were designed to do.

Or maybe, just maybe, much like my lazy good-for-nothing vacuum, guns don’t just go off on their own.  Nah.  It couldn’t be that simple.

12 thoughts on “Startling Revelation! The Whole World Is Broken”

  1. “…when the gun accidentally fired…”

    Yeeeeeaaaahhhhh… I don’t think the gun ‘accidentally’ fired. I’m pretty sure it fired on purpose. The officer may have accidentally fired the gun, but that’s a different matter completely. How would the language be written differently if it was about someone other than an Only One?
    Evyl Robot Michael´s last blog post ..The Paddle Holster

    1. Don’t you know, dear? It was in a school. School grounds have the magical power to make guns fire on their own. That’s why they have to put up the signs.

  2. Excellent, I was running low on sarcasm today! Thanks for that (love the “feral iron” bit…although…aren’t the feral ones the ones that leave the big scorch-mark on the butt of your pants? Or was that last night’s burrito…?)

    Yeah, never ceases to amaze me how folks will try to shift blame to something inanimate. No, really, it was the spoon’s fault, it kept dipping into the 50-gallon bucket of Ben-n-Jerry’s! (Rosie O’Donnel) Seriously, folks…grow a pair, take responsibility for something that’s actually your fault, and lets stop the 2nd-grade “Shift The Blame” game.

  3. Actually, the article just says the discharge was accidental — that is, unplanned. The dude didn’t plan to shoot the wall. In fact, he didn’t plan to shoot the gun at anything, or even to shoot the gun.

    Notice that the dude was put on administrative leave, and no one sent the gun to be checked for mechanical difficulty. That is, this is operator error.

    Which explains why, for the competent and conscientious operator, the dishwasher seldom launches into an accidental cycle.
    Brad K.´s last blog post ..Obama’s Energy depression

  4. I lolled at the bit which said “District officials said the officer was preparing to leave the building to go to the gun range to work on his recertification.” .. me thinks he needs it 🙂

    This news reporting is like how car accidents are now reported in our media – “car leaves road and hits tree” … so apparently the tear in the space time continuum also affects vehicles down under. But unfortunately my dishwasher and washing machine seem unaffected.
    julie´s last blog post ..Camping is great

  5. Just be glad he is a highly trained cop as apposed to one of us lowly serfs who are to stupid to know how to use a firearm.

  6. Heh…the braincell fizzles to life….reminds me that recently, we DID actually have a “spontaneous” operation of dishwasher. Mrs.Alien was sitting at the table, pounding away on her laptop, and noticed it was running in the middle of the afternoon, a very infrequent occurrence at our domicile (usually dishwasher runs are done middle of the night). Come to find out, Max, our younger-ish beagle, was standing on his hind paws trying to reach something that K-bug had left up on the countertop, and had hit the “Start” button just right. We thought it was strange, since he normally prefers to clean the dishes by licking them….

  7. It seems, they failed to put the word “was” in front of “accidentally fired”. I wonder if that was due to convenience, or if due to the fact that the grammatical skills of both the author and editor sucked.

    My guess is that someone in the officer’s department knows the word “was” should have been included, indicating that someone or something had to have taken an action to have fired the pistol. Thus the officer “…HAS BEEN placed on administrative leave…” (my caps for has been).

    All the best,
    Glenn B

  8. As for those of you who mock the officer, remember he is in the public spotlight. Unintentional discharges often are reported upon when an officer has one but are rarely reported upon, unless resulting in an injury, when a private citizen causes one.

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