132 cc’s of Bourbon, Stat

That might just start to improve my mood.

I got the results from my MRI. They came with a referral to a pain management doc.

F-ing fantastic.

Now, don’t misunderstand. I’m not ticked that I now have yet another person in my life with alphabet soup after their name. I’m ticked at Dr. Skippy (not-his-real-name, if I remembered his real name, I’d spread it far and wide so that the masses could gaze on his incompetence.)

You see, years ago, I went to a GP that I loved.  He was an older gentleman with very little tact. He was blunt and always gave me the straight story.  He was also very, very good. He listened to me and wasn’t condescending.  He didn’t bother with lab tests and extraneous procedures where they weren’t warranted.  Seriously, if I come in and tell you I have strep, I have strep.  I know what it tastes and feels like please for the love of God don’t gag me with an over-sized q-tip to confirm with the lab. He knew his stuff and didn’t waste my time with crap.  Awesome.

And then he retired. And sold his practice, complete with patient portfolio, to Dr. Skippy.  Dr. Skippy had yet to take the training wheels off his shiny new medical degree when he took over. He had all kinds of sparkly new ideas on patient care too.

Bastard.

Oh! And he was a crusader against the eeeeeviiiiils of alcohol and tobacco.

Until recently, I’ve not really been one to avail myself of the services of the stethoscope stands on a regular basis.  So after a car accident in 2006, I headed over for my first visit (Michael had seen him previously and has his own story of this guy’s incompetence). But he had my x-rays from the ER, so I figured I’d give the new alphabet soup guy a shot.

Dr. Skippy: I see you haven’t been in recently.

Me: Nope. I’m generally pretty healthy. Haven’t really needed too visit.

Dr. Skippy: *eyebrow starting to twitch towards that look.  You know the one* Well since you’re here, I’d like to go ahead and update your file.

Me: k

<insert the usual med history questions here>

Dr. Skippy: Do you smoke?

Me: only if I’m on fire (yes, I make jokes with medical professionals. This is important in a minute)

Dr. Skippy: *notably not laughing or even smiling.  More eyebrow twitching* Uh huh.

Me: No.  I don’t smoke

Dr. Skippy: Beer, Wine, or Whiskeeeeeey? (this was said with all the hell-fire and brimstone of any good prohibitionist.  Seriously, I think there was spittle flying)

Me: Well not all in the same glass

Dr. Skippy: *horrified look*

Me: Yes, I’ve been known to enjoy all three. In moderation.

Dr. Skippy: *and here’s the dripping condescension* And what do you consider ‘moderation?’ (complete with air quotes)

Me: Abstemiously. (Yes, I’m messing with him now.)

Dr. Skippy: *blank look*

Me: *to myself* Oh crap! He’s stripped a gear in the vocabulary center of his brain

–conversation not verbatim, close, but not exact–

Dr. Skippy  proceeded to tell me all about the dangers of alcoholism and how it’s really better to just avoid it. blah blah blah

So we finally get around to talking about my x-rays. He gave me a copy of the findings report from the ER and pointed out how the spasms were causing my neck to be pulled straight rather than settled in the natural curve and gave me a prescription for ibuprofen.

I pointed out that right there in the ER doc’s notes, they saw signs of early degenerative disc disease in my neck. I asked if I should be concerned and what should be done.  He told me not to worry about it and that there really wasn’t anything that could be done until it got worse.

Ya know what? If we’d done something back then, I wouldn’t be having the problem I am today.  And yes, there were lots of things that could have been done. You see, that degenerative disc is now an extruded disc. Gee, thanks Dr. Skippy.

So now I have a pain management doc.  Just got off the phone with his office where I was scheduling a cortisone injection in my spine. Which is apparently quite the production.

And my tree is broken. And my garden is beat up. And I’m being re-organized at work.

And where is that bourbon I ordered!

24 thoughts on “132 cc’s of Bourbon, Stat”

  1. No bourbon in the house but I’ve got gin, vodka, and a nice port.

    You are welcome to any and all.

    BGM

  2. The closest thing we have to bourbon is a couple of bottles of bourbon liqueur. You’re welcome to sample either or both.

    Alternatively, we have multiple bottles of rum, Scotch, vodka, and various other liqueurs for your perusal.

    LawDog
    LawDog´s last blog post ..Lucky fin update

  3. Get a new doctor, stat. No reason you shouldn’t. He works for you, and if he’s going to browbeat you and not listen to your concerns, fire him.

    As for the cortisone shots, they really help. I had a bulging disk in my lower back a few years ago, and the cortisone shots helped enough I could go to physical therapy and do what was necessary.
    DaddyBear´s last blog post ..30 Days of Dune – Day 26

  4. I have yet to find a doctor that I truly enjoy going to. ‘Course…after my experiences as an enlisted guy (military medics seem to be rather contemptuous of enlisted, as they’re all officers), I have only been to a doctor’s office when I can’t stand or see straight for more than 3 days…or if an appendage is pointing in the wrong direction.
    RabidAlien´s last blog post ..Our Molly Girl

  5. Neck thing. I worked with my chiropractor. Lots of alternating hop packs and cold packs, 15-20 minutes each, every couple of hours.

    Absorbine Mint-Gel Veterinary Liniment. Horse section at WalMart, horse section at TSC, feed store, etc. Rub in a dab a couple of times a day — wash hands right away, before you rub your eyes, and a dab only, more isn’t better. Rub into the tight and sore spots.

    Yoga. Seriously. Hatha (beginning) Yoga to “increase strength, agility, and to manage pain.” You learn a lot about what moves where, and how you can improve that. I also learned several interesting ways to stand around on one foot.

    I was reading today in the NY Times email, that weight work, especially upper body work, helps maintain the thickness of discs in the spine, slowing or avoiding ‘shrinking’ after age 50. Weight training also slows calcium loss and the loss of mass of vertebrae, thus helping to slow shrinking. I am thinking that light weights, with lots of reps, might help a bit with even the neck. I find that 2 pound and 3 pound weights, with lots of 10-40 repetitions of several curl variations in several arm positions help loosen my shoulders.

    The steroids they shot into my hips hurt something fierce. And didn’t noticeably help. Yoga, Absorbine Mint Gel Liniment, and a Homedics percussion massager, with judicious heat pads and ice packs, did much more.

    And the regular chiropractor stuff. I ran up a $2200 bill for my neck, after my accident a few years ago.

    I also find “Tension tamer” herbal tea from Celestial Seasonings to be relaxing, with honey.

    Luck, and get well soon!

  6. No bourbon here, but I have a few bottles of Fat Tire amber ale chilling in the ‘fridge, a (mostly full) bottle of Jameson’s Irish whiskey that I needed for a recipe, and an unopened bottle of Catdaddy (North) Carolina Moonshine handy if you’re ever inclined to make a trip east with your hubby.

  7. Hi I am a bit behind on my blog reading so I just read this post today. I don’t think I have ever commented on your blog but have written your husband about the possibility of a purple holster. I too have disc issues. I have a bugling disc in both my neck and lower back. I had severe migraines for many years. I found a physical therapist who specializes in neck and back problems. He is in San Antonio which I realize is far from where you live but his approach works and it works long term without drugs. Check out his website http://www.texaspaintherapy.com His name is Jeff Turner, PT, DPT 210-402-2920 I have done a video on his website talking about how this works long term. If you email me, I will let you know which one is mine.

  8. Daughters’ last doctor was a first-class idiot with a degree; among other things, didn’t bother to check if the new med he ordered might not play well with the other stuff he’d had her on; being suspicious of such, she checked herself. And got a new doctor. And the asshole was upset that she didn’t think he was a wonderful doctor…
    Firehand´s last blog post .."You keep saying those words; I do not think they mean

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge