Oh The Dreaded Finger Pistol!

Or reason number Q that I’m glad we pulled our kid out of public school*

Once, when the TeenBot was just a WeeBot, I received a phone call from the principal at his elementary school. I rolled my eyes and thought, “What is it this time?” I mean, this is the school that was just outraged that he would have the audacity to clap his hands while they were behind his back.  The students had been clapping, and in an effort to quiet them down, the teacher told them to put their hands behind their backs. She did not, mind you, tell them to stop clapping.  Ah yes, a truly impressive intellect.

So I put on my patient hat, turned on my phone voice, and answered.

Me: Hello?

Inept Principal: Mrs. Robot?

Me: Speaking

IP: We’re going to need you to come down to the school and pick up your son.  There’s been an incident.

Me: Oh really? What happened?

IP: Well you see, Ms. Scaredovashadow was giving her lesson and some of the boys were being disruptive.

Me: And so I need to come and pick up my son? That seems a little excessive.

IP: Yes ma’am.  You see, your son made a finger pistol and pointed it at the other boys. He’ll be suspended for 3 days.

Me: (incredulous) A finger pistol?

IP: (gravely) Yes ma’am

Me: (doing my best not to laugh) Was anyone hurt?

IP: Well, no

Me: So, I guess it didn’t go off

IP: He’ll be in my office when you get here.

Because apparently, my son has the magical ability to sneak a dastardly finger pistol past the gun-free force-field. Criminal mastermind in the making.

So, in accordance with the law, I parked off of school grounds, disarmed, secured my pistol in my vehicle, and walked in to retrieve my dangerous 3rd grader. All the while, openly carrying all 10 fingers complete with organic bayonets (what? If a hand sign is a pistol, wouldn’t it follow that fingernails are bayonets?).  We then went out for ice cream.

Sadly, the stupid isn’t limited to the elementary school in our neighborhood. In fact, I’m amazed the school officials in Nebraska don’t drown when it rains.

Hunter Spanjer signs his first name by making what looks like shooting gestures with both hands. He crosses his fingers when he does it – a modification to show it’s his proper name.

But the Grand Island Public Schools board says its “Weapons in Schools” policy bans “any instrument … that looks like a weapon.” The school wants him to change the sign, a request Hunter’s family says is both unfair and silly.

“We are working with the parents to come to the best solution we can for the child,” said school board spokesman Jack Sheard.

I’ve got an idea for a solution, Jack.  How about, I give you the finger, and you pull your head out of your rectum? Maybe the students should terrorize the school board with an infestation of itsy bitsy spiders and bunnies foo foo.

(tip o’ the hat to David Hardy and Robb Allen)

*Technically, he is still in the public school system. It’s actually virtual school which he attends in his bedroom on his computer with oversight from EvylRobot.

17 thoughts on “Oh The Dreaded Finger Pistol!”

  1. I would tell them “So who in the school idiocracy thought this was an issue, and just how much do you want to get sued?”

  2. Thank you for reminding me of little bunny foo foo, scoopin up the field mice and boppin them on the head. (http://www.zelo.com/family/nursery/foofoo.asp)

    Ahem. I think I would write to the state board of education, a couple of senators and Congressional representatives, maybe the state governor. Raise the issue, individually, with each official. Hopefully each will be in contact with the school, disrupting and distracting said IP from suspending other miscreants with finger pistols, cold lunches in hot food storage containers, and shoes in colors used by gangs in Guatemala. (If there are any gangs in Guatemala.)

    I might have an attorney write a letter to the school, requesting they post a Disarmed Victim Zone sign prominently at every entrance, “Warning: Entering a Disarmed Victim Zone. Mass shootings occur primarily in Disarmed Victim Zones. In the event of a mass shooting, the school assumes no responsibility, even though we chose to legally guarantee someone intending to break the law with a firearm will be the only one on the premises with a weapon.”

    By the way — how is the teacher supporting this suspension? Has homework and assignments been provided, provision for any quizzes or tests or assignments done during suspension?

    I recall the day a foster son told me I was killing the earth by throwing away an empty 2 liter soda bottle — instead of making a terrarium like he did in class that day. Come to think about it — how is the school preparing your son to defend himself, his family, and his community against the lawless, or to serve in the military?
    Brad K.´s last blog post ..Disney’s Botanicus Interacticus

  3. Yeah, we just had an incident as well! Not as bad as yours, but still! The Boy only got a Satisfactory in his daily log (yes, really) because for 3 entire days he and another boy were making pretend guns with their hands and shooting each other. Apparently such behavior, while it didn’t disrupt the class, is unacceptable. I must correct this. Er… No, he’s 6, and a BOY. He idolizes his retired policeman grandfather, wants to be a cop, his dad is in the military, and his mom has a mini arsenal in her closet!! Sigh. Besides, the real issue here is NOT pretend guns, it’s the teachers lack of control of HER class. If the boys so disregard the rules by ignoring her then, honestly, the fault is not in the pretend gun but in the inability for her to control her students. THAT is not my problem!

  4. Jen, you (and everyone else) need to just accept the fact that these peoria have decided they are our betters.

    Forget that almost every action they do proves they are jus about as smart as your average pile of cat dropping (and should be burried accordingly), THEY are in charge and won’t let common sense get in the way of that
    Instinct´s last blog post ..Scumbag Alert

  5. That was the first post of yours I ever read! (how long ago was that?)
    also, when did Tam put you on her blogroll? I just noticed today.

  6. My youngest is a senior this year. Then I am done with public schools.
    My eldest had an incident where he forget to take his pocket knife out one day and yes he was suspended.
    I was not happy nor was I quiet it about the whole deal yes I knew and know about the zero tolerance bullshit they have.
    Does not mean I have to agree with it!!
    Homeschool or private if I had to do it all over again.
    maddmedic´s last blog post ..Oh The Dreaded Finger Pistol!

  7. I was in the 3rd grade and we got a late spring snowfall. During recess teachers ordered us to “stay on the sidewalk”, presumably as no one had brought snow gear to walk in the grass that morning and the sidewalk was the only area clear of snow. I almost immediately discovered that placing snow on the sidewalk in order to play with it while complying with their directive will get you detention. This was the day I learned stupid people can make rules too. Possibly the only thing I learned in that school.
    Mulligan´s last blog post ..moment of silence

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