The Crime Risk Protection Act

A Gotham City lawmaker has announced a nation wide initiative to force criminals to buy liability insurance or face a $10,000 fine.

The Crime Risk Protection Act, pushed by Rep. Dewey Cheatum and seven co-sponsors, follows efforts at the state level to create the ground-breaking new kind of insurance for criminals.

“For too long, victims and society at large have borne the brunt of the costs of crime,” Cheatum said in a written statement, “My bill would change that by shifting some of that cost back onto those who commit crimes.”

The Crime Risk Protection Act would require everyone from two-bit criminals and gang-bangers to mass murderers, embezzlers, and members of Congress to purchase liability insurance prior to victimizing the innocent.

Opponents have questioned the efficacy of the proposal.

“This proposal is unenforceable.” said Rep. Warren Peace in our exclusive interview. “Criminals are already defying the law. The threat of a fine is not going to dissuade them. My colleague has failed to answer the Constitutional questions related to this bill. Requiring criminals to implicate themselves prior to the commission of a crime flies in the face of fifth amendment protections.”

Cheatum says he will not give up.

“We have a long history of requiring insurance for high-risk products — and no one disputes that criminals are dangerous,” he said in his written statement. “While many individual states are debating this issue right now, it makes more sense for Congress to establish a national requirement to allow the insurance markets to begin to price the risks involved consistently nationwide.”

Cheatum also supports proposed bans on assault weapons and high capacity ammunition clipazines.

–Yes, it’s satire. Click on over to Jay’s place for the story.

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