Some People Need a Keeper

The world is full of idiots, and Tam has found their king. From the story

Goodrich Quality Theaters has come under fire this week after its Capital 8 theater in Missouri hired a fake gunman for an “Iron Man 3” screening during the opening weekend of the film.

To be expected, the character, who wore full tactical gear and carried a fake gun, did not go over well as some patrons feared the worst. Jefferson City police officers responded to what they believed to be an active shooter situation after receiving several 911 calls from concerned moviegoers…

After the officers arrived, it was revealed that the armed man was just a hired hand — one of several the theater enlisted for the showing.

Seriously?! Here’s another great idea for the manager of Goodrich Quality Theaters, keep your hemorrhoid cream with your toothpaste since the orifices are in such close proximity*.

Who accepts this job? If someone came to me with the suggestion that I dress up in some kind of costume to scare the ever-loving crap out of a bunch of strangers, I’d turn it down. I’ve never been that broke, and I’ve been very, very broke. Armed or not, one tenacious terrified person that decided it was not going to be another Aurora could really ruin your day and make even the most generous paycheck look like chump change. And yet this theater enlisted several.

Oh those poor, neglected brain cells starving for the mandatory minimum infusion of IQ points.

*Why yes, I did just imply that his head is so far up his ass that he should brush his teeth with Preparation H.

7 thoughts on “Some People Need a Keeper”

  1. Perhaps it was the “gun free zone” signs on the front doors that convinced those idiots that it would be safe to pull this stunt.

    Surely, everyone obeys those signs, right?



  2. And can you just imagine the wailing from the left had some patron drawn their carry piece and perforated the actor…

    It’s like the stupid “candid camera” type pranks I’ve run across on the inter-toobs wherein some twit in a mask with a large knife jumps out and startles people. There is a dark little part of my soul that yearns for the day I see one of the “victims” pull out a .45 and punch the prankster’s ticket for good.

    I generally avoid theaters (between cost and crowds it’s just not worth it) but if I were in my seat and some jack wagon in ninja gear walked in with a long gun and no obvious badge the likelihood of my little Walther ending up in an evidence box approaches 100%. I’d feel bad for the poor, stupid S.O.B. but only a little. And the theater could expect a bill for my legal fees, rental for every day my sidearm was locked up in evidence, and for expended rounds.

    Which at current prices might be the biggest part of the bill.


  3. That actor was lucky no one took a shot at him…..

    Oh, Sorry…I forgot. He was in a no guns, FREE FIRE ZONE.

  4. I sense a great disturbance in the Force…as if hundreds of lawyers simultaneously soiled themselves with glee at the thought of absolutely massive “Mental Trauma” and “Emotional Distress” lawsuits.

    Whoever orchestrated this idiocy is likely going to live in a cardboard box for the rest of his life.

  5. While I agree that this was a bone-headed idea. The story says the “fake gun” was made of clear plastic and obviously a toy (not that I take their word for it).

    I suspect that the people who freaked out and called police are the same kind of people as those who kick grade school kids out of school for nibbling a pop-tart into the shape of a gun. I don’t think one of our tribe would have been fooled by it, so I don’t think there was much of a danger of the “actors” getting shot.


    1. Somehow I missed it noting the “gun” was clear plastic.
      Yeah, that wouldn’t have gotten a draw. It would have gotten me risking an charge of battery though after I smacked the idjit upside the head. Make that assault and battery because I’m pretty sure I’d have been loudly informing the manager of their poor critical thinking skill whilst highlighting the moment ala Gibbs/NCIS.

      Dim theater, person walks in wearing tac gear with something the right size and shape for a long gun…
      250 some odd lumens of flashlight clipped on my weak side….
      Hope he likes seeing spots. 😀

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