“Where Have All The Good Men Gone?”

It’s a lament I hear from so many of my contemporaries and younger that cannot find a date.

You really want to know? For one, why are you asking me? I’ve been out of the dating scene for over 15 years. My insight comes from watching you people fumble through it. But since you asked, I suppose I’ll give it a shot. If you don’t really care what I have to say about the matter, I’ll have something more to your liking up later. Feel free to go look at cat pictures while you wait.

Still here? Well here goes then.

If they are still single and smart, they are hanging out with older women because they are more fun. The whole entitled feminist shtick has driven them away.

Sorry sweetheart, you don’t get to have it all. You really think he’s going to keep buying all those drinks and dinners while you prattle on about the inherent misogyny of society? Or the patriarchy? That’s a great way to score yourself your very own beta male.

Congratulations. If you’re lucky, he might lick enough boots to make middle management one day.

That alpha male you’re pining for is probably tired of playing the game. Blame the rabid feminists and empty-headed sociology majors. The womyns studies professor lied to you. Want to impress him with how ‘independent’ and ’empowered’ you are? Buy him a drink. And then have a real conversation. If you are interesting and engaging, there’s a good chance he’ll get the next one. Treat him with respect and you might just get a second date. Be a lady, and treat him like a man. Be flattered, not insulted, when he wants to get the door for you and walk you to your car*.

Or maybe you really don’t need a man in your life. That’s completely valid. Just stop telling me how much you don’t need one while complaining that you can’t find a decent one. I know, you’re tired of playing the game too. All I can say is that they are still out there, if you want to find them**.

*They are the minority, but there are creeps and predators out there. There is a difference between being polite and being stupid. Don’t put yourself in a bad situation either.

**Goes both ways. Guys, there are high quality women out there too.  They’ve gotten just as tired of the games people play.

76 thoughts on ““Where Have All The Good Men Gone?””

  1. I figure if I ever get married it’s gonna hafta be an arranged marriage, because I have zero interest or patience for that kinda of crap.

  2. If you’ve been playing the game and all-of-a-sudden want to settle down, don’t be surprised if he isn’t interested. Too many are relegated to the “too nice =friend” category. I’ve seen it used like being put on a shelf until someone is ready to settle down. He’ll sure savor saying no later on, I promise.

    1. Yep, that’s the old, “well you’re ok in a pinch BUT if there is the possibility there is another one better then you…” That sort of attitude REALLY makes me want to hang around waiting!

  3. I was single and had been living on my own for 10 years before I met my husband. I bought a house at the age of 26. I was the person calling to have the plumbing fixed and the air conditioner repaired. I installed a programmable thermostat and replaced the element in my hot water heater. In short, I had been “the man.” I know I *can* be “the man” but, I don’t *want* to be “the man.” And what most younger women don’t realize is that the man wants, even *needs* to be “the man.” There is only room for one man in the relationship…..let it BE HIM. Him being the man doesn’t make you less of a woman, it makes you MORE of a woman.

    1. As one of the aformentioned mans, I would like to say that Dixie has hitted it right on the head. Based on extensive personal experience, I can suggest that if a woman is disatisfied because the man won’t be The Man, there’s a better than average chance that it’s because SHE WON’T LET HIM. It’s a control thing. She get’s to keep her dominance and control, which simlutaneously being the aggrieved martyr because he just won’t (X,Y or Z).

      I mean, uh, at least, that’s what I’ve heard anyway.

  4. Tired of playing the game is right. I could and probably should go on more dates, but after so many bad experiences, it seems like torture to have to go out at all, since all the great women I know are all taken already.

  5. The vast majority of women today don’t want good men. They fall for the jerks, assholes and anybody who will treat them badly. Being nice and respectful to a woman gets you friend-zoned and treated with disdain. As well the cruel manner in which many women treat men is absolutely astounding. At first I didn’t want to believe it as I mistakenly thought that there had to be women out there who would want a man to treat her with kindness and who would be kind to her man in return. I was dismayed to find that there were and still are very few to none around. To add to the distrust men have of women, is the fact that many good men have through divorce been deprived of their children, falsely accused of abuse and utterly destroyed both emotionally and financially on what amounted to a mere whim on the woman’s part. And finally, are we supposed to put a ring on the finger of woman who has slept with hundreds of other men? Maybe there are some men who will, but I won’t.

    1. Took the words right out of my mouth.

      I’ve never slept with a woman I wasn’t married to. She can make at least the same effort for me.

  6. I found my man in the gunblogging circles (thanks Oleg! and Thanks, J, for introducing me to Oleg!); first one that could master the difficult art of standing up to me, and yet loving me enough to let me be myself. He’s a self-made American, having imported himself, so yes he’s a furriner who’s stealin’ the white wimmen from y’all, right alongside Larry Correia. 😛

    Then I go and introduce that same friend to some of the crazy but interesting libertarian blogs out there (she already knew a bunch of the gunbloggers, including my then-future husband, but didn’t blog herself.) And next thing I know, not that long after some folks were posting “I am TJIC”, he’s flying up to meet this wonderful gal. So that’s two gunbloggers down; there’s hope for the rest of y’all yet. 🙂

    But avoid the bar, overpriced cocktails, anyone with Obama stickers on their car, and in general, college kids who haven’t tasted reality’s boot in the face yet. The places they gather are as shallow as stagnant kiddie pools, full of the human equivalent of boneless tadpoles and blood-sucking mosquitoes.

    1. “But avoid … anyone with Obama stickers ….”

      I’ve signed up on one of the more reputable online dating site, and I follow the above advice when I go through profiles. Any woman who shows the traitor-in-chief campaign photos proudly on their profile get closed immediately.

  7. I have one female friend who I’ve known more than about a year. I’ve known her closer to 8 years. She’s married to someone else.

    Every other woman I’ve been remotely interested in has turned out to be a liar, a whore, or some combination of the above. I wasn’t looking for much. Someone decent, willing to tell me, TO MY FACE, when she didn’t want me around, someone willing to abstain from extra-marital sex as far as I’ve done. I would prefer someone younger, but not young enough that I feel like a pedophile.

    Such a woman does not exist. So I quit looking. My need for social interaction can be satisfied by complete strangers who I will likely never see again. My desire for feminine beauty is only a Google search away.

    I only chose to objectify women when I realized I was never going to get any respect from them, so why should I give them any?

    I used to like women. To a degree, I still do. But I don’t want some eye-candy blow-up doll, I want a relationship, with someone honest, and smart, and trustworthy, and my experiences have told me that such a woman does not exist.

  8. Stalk, cleanly kill, field dress and be able to cook the majority of your protein requirements in the wild. Know (demonstrably, through your dojo or dojon) real competence in unarmed/improvised weapons CQB to take care of any two attackers in a confined space in the dark, be able to sew your own wardrobe, detail strip and clean your own firearms, be able to dance at least two styles well (tango & waltz, or tango and salsa, etc) to be of some interest to someone who may actually have a classical education (formally or self-motivated); and for goodness’ sake, be CLEAN! Have table manners, basic hygiene as an inviolate rule of everyday life – and shun germophobes. Read. Read a classis at least one new one a month, and something only a few decdes old (be sure to include history!) every other one. Fill in the schedule with contemporary fiction and non-fiction. Be physically reasonably strong: be able to lift at least half your body weight repetitively; be able to run a mile without requiring EMS intervention code III. Be comfortable with the flow chart of what makes your POV operate. Maintain it’s routine schedule yourself without a fuss. Trust someone new with reservation and patience, letting their actions and background check guide you but when you love, do so unreservedly. “Having sex” is for cattle. Make love, and reach plateaus. And always, anywhere, anytime, be able to deter, and if necessary defend to the death any and all who immediately threaten yourself of those you call family. Fight the way you train.

    You will likely as not be spurned with horror by the metrosexual males that flourish, but alpha singles will be attracted, trust me.

    If this doesn’t sound like a lot, you’re doing fine! If it sounds unreasonable and insurmountable, take a long, hard look in the mirror when you get out of bed. Are you worth better?

  9. I went on a date last year to a live show. There were ushers who were assisting people on the stairs. She noticed that the (male) ushers were holding out their hands for the women, and simply standing there for the men. She turned to me and said that this made her angry when men did that, because it was a sign that men felt like the women were weak and could not do anything without the big, strong man to protect them.

    I see it differently. I see it as a man cherishing women and womanhood by being helpful and kind. I open and hold doors for women, I offer a helping hand when they are on slippery ground. In general, I do this not because I think she is weak, but rather because I want to do what I can to be kind.

    Women do it to themselves. I’m done with the games. It seems like dating is a way for women to extort free meals and prizes out of men, while they sit there and complain that they should be treated as equals. Want to be my equal? Try picking up the check every once in a while.

  10. Which is why I’ve taken myself out of the pool. Tired of the mind games and the tricks and traps. I am me, You take me as the person I am and that includes my kids, with all of my foibles. I’m too old to change and too decrepit to really give a care.

    I have been friend zoned by more women than I can count, and that is another trap.

    So I am out of it.

    Maybe after my youngest graduates from highschool I’ll get back in, but I doubt it.

  11. Well said lady! And for all of you lamenting the “friend” label, don’t. My husband is my best friend!

    1. To be placed in the “friend zone” has a different meaning. To be put there means that the woman placing you there wants you to do all of the things that a boyfriend or husband would do: take her to dinner, travel, movies, etc, with one important exception:
      You will never see her naked, nor will she ever be yours.

      1. aint that the damn truth, Friendzone is a bad bad place to be, what it all too often means, at least from what i have seen/been subjected to, is the place they put the people that they will use as a standard for dating, but will never date, and will run back to get to get the pat on the shoulder and a place to cry while recovering from a bad breakup and will still never want to date you.

        I had a few friends that i just no longer even bother to talk to, because thats all they ever wanted from me, was to fix them up enough to find another person that is wrong for them. Look if they really wanted to date someone just like me, why the hell not just date me? Again just more games and they wonder why they are always in these bad relationships. After a few bad relationships they should clue in to the fact that hey it might just be you, not them, thats doing something wrong.

  12. Jennifer, I agree with everything you say here. Being a lesbian with severe body issues, though, makes everything a hundred times more complicated. While I understand you know even less about that kind of dating, I would still appreciate any advice you could give me — over email, of course.

  13. no… that is not a friend….. that is someone just using you. Starting as friends makes a relationship more stable because you always have the friendship to fall back on when things get rough

  14. Wow. I knew I was bad at being a girl, but I didn’t realize HOW bad, apparently.

    Guys, look, I know it sucks to wind up with some empty-headed entitlement bimbo on your arm, and the ones who want you to be the non-sexual boyfriend, I feel should be dumped in the desert in slippers.

    BUT. Don’t blame a whole gender for that. I don’t blame your whole gender for the guys who have grabbed my ass without permission or even introduction, or the ones who have assumed that buying me an unasked for drink OF COURSE meant that they got to see me naked, or the ones that were just plain jerks. I didn’t give up on ever finding someone to make me happy when I was cheated on, used, manhandled, or when a man tried to push me around.

    A lot of men are assholes. A lot of women are worthless. It has far more to do with society than gender. And if you’re ONLY finding the bad ones, it probably has more to do with where you’re looking or what you’re looking at than anything, honestly.

    If I blamed all men for the assholes, I’d have given up long before I found a good one.

    1. The most traitorous woman I ever tried to befriend was the Christian. The most dishonest was the most Conservative.

      If that’s the best that the best has to offer, then I want none of what’s left. At least the Liberal Atheist told me honestly when she didn’t want me around anymore.

      1. I know this is rude, so for the sake of my friend Jennifer I’ll apologize ahead of time, but if all you wanted to do was whine about how awful women are, wouldn’t it be easier and less frustrating for everyone to say so ahead of time?

        1. Your question is no more rude than my behavior(probably a good deal less so).

          Ultimately, it’s because what I really want is to take the pain I’ve been given and pass it on. The reason so many women can’t find good men is because they throw themselves at sleazebags so readily that all the good men have either turned ourselves into sleazebags, or we’ve given up and come to distrust ALL women.

          A little of both in my case. Women who express attraction to me actually creep me out now, and in a couple of cases, it’s led to me refusing to return to a store because one of the female employees did so.

  15. Aw, man…Jennifer just sprayed TRUTH all over the internet!! I better cover it up with cat pictures and celebrity gossip before people read it and actually learn something. :p

    If I were back in the market for a serious relationship, it would be almost impossible to convince me to marry an American woman. I’ve seen–and been with–too many spoiled, immature, entitlement-minded brats with a chip on their shoulder the size of the Death Star. I now have absolutely zero patience for that nonsense, which puts most of these girl-children out of the running.

    Why God blessed me with my wife, I’ll never know. It’s not like I could ever deserve her. But if He takes her before me, I can’t see ever jumping back into the dating scene. Yes, I’ve got game. Yes, I could get laid. But with the candidates available these days, why would I want to? 😕

  16. If your relationships are all bad, and you don’t see any guys worth your time, you might check out BaggageReclaim.co.uk

    NML wrote Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, and many others. She has been helping women for years, now, to face forward, to find a foundation, and get on with life.

    Me, I think the first issue is that people of either/any gender don’t start their search looking for someone that is a solid candidate for mate-prospect and co-parent.

  17. I’ve had a number of women I know ask me this basic question “Why can’t i find a guy like you? How come I end up with the jerks?”

    Simple. Guys like me aren’t in bars, clubs or out hanging with the social scene. We are in bookstores, dojos, or sometimes the range. We aren’t out looking for a relationship nor are we looking to add friends to our circle. We are doing our own thing and being happy with our lives the way they are, and the women I know who are the kind you would want to marry are doing the same thing.

    Most peoples mistake, I think is that they are LOOKING for that next relationship instead of just enjoying what they have. When the right person comes along you just have to have your eyes open and not let them get away. The right one fits with your life, you don’t have to change to make it work – but it is still work.

    There are plenty of American women, and men, who want a good solid relationship but you have to sort the wheat from the chaff

    1. Amen. If you look in sleazy places, you’re gonna find sleazy guys (and gals). Widen your search pattern. Nice guys (and gals) are out there, but usually not in the limelight.

      1. I don’t think the issue is always sleazy place, or even sleazy people.

        I think the issue is recreational sex, vs. what marriage was in Biblical times, or lifemating would be today. Most of America knows about recreational sex — find a compatible partner, and build a relationship, hoping the relationship is long term and lasting.

        The alternative is what arranged marriages aimed for, to put together a couple likely to grow and nurture their community and families. Romance isn’t the deciding issue — it comes after the character, the personal and family history and reputation, after the prospective crafts of the individuals are considered. Fertility is a major objective, since it is the way offspring are raised, and thus the character and abilities of the parents, that influences the future of he family and the community.. The part of the ceremony that asks “does anyone know why these should not be wed?” would be much more rigorous, and substantive, than the exchanged “I do”s.

        So, no, don’t play the game. Don’t go where the game is played, don’t take anyone playing any aspect of the game seriously or contemplate a “relationship” with anyone playing the game.

        But that leaves a lot of people that don’t play the game, they have built a life, and have much substance, character, honor, and security to offer.

  18. “Where have all the good men gone?”

    I am right here where I have been for the past 27 years, ring on my finger or as some would say, throgh my nose. 🙂

    You gotta be fast ladies, we get snatched up quickly. 😉

  19. A lot of it is expectation.

    If a man thinks all women are untrustworthy bitches, based on experience with a few, the good ones will say well clear of him, a smart woman can sense that from someone from 50 yards. If a woman expects a guy to fund her shopping habits until she’s ready for him to increase his work hours so she can have a baby, he’ll be running to the nearest border. He wants to be a man, a protector and a friend, not a wallet and a sperm count.

    If a guy expects a perfect, pretty young virgin with big breasts and a trust fund, he’s going to be looking a long time. If a woman is looking for someone that looks like he’s on the cover of GQ, with a house in the Hamptons, loves cats and wants to hear her blather on about her shoes or her evil boss for 2 hours, she’s going to be looking too.

    People aren’t perfect, we come with mistakes and baggage and scars and if you can get a sense of wisdom and humor out of that, as you leave it behind you, there WILL be someone that embraces it. The person that will likely be where you least expect them, and that is NOT in a bar or on a dating website.

    If you can rewire a old cantankerous British sports car and come with your own Barbie Reloading Dies, even better.

    1. I’d settle for a crass, plain, young(but not too young) virgin with real boobs and basic monetary understanding.(I wouldn’t mind a broke gold-digger, so long as she doesn’t expect me to pay off her multi-million dollar lifetime debts) But only if she’s honest. Brutally, mercilessly, “I don’t like you because you’re ugly, you stink, and you have a terrible personality” honest.

      I can stand being told I’m ugly and have a terrible personality, and before my morning shower I smell like something crawled on a garbage heap and died. I will never again tolerate somebody saying “I enjoy your company” when what she actually means is “I really hope you die a horrible death soon.”

  20. It sounds as if your problem with these women may be based on religious differences. You think you’re God and they don’t…..

  21. There’s an old saying about the difference between a beautiful woman and a charming one. A beautiful woman is one who I notice. A charming one is one who notices me.

    I only say that, of course, because I’m a paid up Lifetime Member of the Patriarchy. But it goes a ways to answering the question.

  22. Wow… a lot of girl-hate in the comments! I’ve seen way too many worthless men to single out a gender. Case in point: I remember one college fellow telling me how he met a woman who wanted to be a stay-at-home wife, and her only desire was to care for her husband and children and please them in any way possible. I asked “Did you marry her on the spot?!?!”

    “Nah, I don’t want to hear her talk all day about boring stuff she did around the house.”

    Some people are lucky it’s illegal to slap the silliness out of them.

    Really glad I’m beyond the dating scene. Married the girl who lived next door when I was four years old and never regretted it since.

  23. My wife and I celebrated ten years together. Ten years, two deployments, two sons. Haven’t spent an entire year together in the last five years. Somehow she still stays married to me.

    There are plenty of good men and women out there. Lots of them. They are the ones all your married friends snatched up. Of course half those marriages end in divorce (statistically) so maybe half your friends don’t have high enough standards…

    The biggest lie ever told to women is that their love can change a man, somehow fix whatever is broken. Every romance novel sells this lie, that there is this one perfect guy except for this one little issue, that her love makes better. It is pure BS. If you think you are going to “fix him” think again.

    Love isn’t enough. Takes work. No one is born with all the skills to be a good spouse, takes time, effort, and a lot of forgiveness.

    Don’t go looking for love in a bar. Try a shooting range, or a church, or even a matchmaker before you try a bar. I only know of one successful relationship that started in a bar, but neither was looking for love at the time and they just sort of had this magnetic attraction and that was that.

    Don’t fall in love, fall into stubborn. People fall out of love, people don’t fall out of stubborn. Conversely choose to be with someone intelligent, because people don’t fall out of stupid.

    And in the relationship someone has to be in charge, someone has to lead. You can swap leader duties, but at any given time someone has to be in charge.

  24. My favorite description of marriage goes like this:

    Marriage is like those gardens you see on a home improvement show after they come in and redo the whole yard. There’s pretty flowers, the flower beds are all mulched, the trees are healthy and the grass is mowed.

    Congratulations, that’s your wedding day and each and every day after that is going to be both of you out there mowing, weeding, watering, pulling out things that have died, planting other stuff and generally getting dirty, sweaty and tired. No days off, no vacations.

    If you put in the work, it will thrive and be healthy. If you don’t, it won’t. Simple as that.

    1. Key words: “both of you”. Period. It’ll never work if only one is out there mowing, weeding, watering, and pulling out things that have died. That’s not a relationship, that’s indentured servitude.

      1. This ^^. As a man who was ground to pulp by a frigid, narcissistic shrew, I will NEVER marry or live with a woman again. Why? Because I can assure you she was not like that BEFORE I married her. Somehow the mask came off 9 months after we married, coincidentally within 2 weeks of me selling my house in another city, whereupon I was completely emotionally and financially committed to her. Funny how that works.

        Modern women seem to think that once a man commits, her job is done and she owes nothing more to the relationship. Every woman out there knows how to catch a man. Very few know how to keep one. Even fewer recognize that his happiness is just as important as hers.

        “Happy wife, happy life”? What a load of crap. My biggest failing in my marriage was being too good to my wife. Some women can never be happy. Show me 10 “happy” marriages and I’ll show you 8 miserable men who realize that it’s “cheaper to keep her”.

        “A woman can forgive a man for the harm he does her…but she can never forgive him for the sacrifices he makes on her account.” W. Somerset Maugham

  25. And no matter how charming, skilled, or interesting you may, guys are not willing to take a chance on an older woman (late 30s) who just changed careers and doesn’t have a steady job yet. Add helping aging parents and, well, “You’re a neat lady and fun to be with, but . . .” And in a way I can’t blame them, given this economy, but it still stings.

    1. There are guys out there who would look at that situation and see “woman who’s not afraid to work, provide for herself, isn’t expecting a handout, and yet in spite of any difficulties she may be having, still has a caring heart and is willing to help others.” Looks will fade over time, and gravity will negatively affect various body parts. But its that spirit that will never fade, and which the quiet, “nice” guys find most attractive.

  26. One thing that I rarely see addressed is the reason why good men and good women can’t find each other anymore. The majority of most people’s interaction with other people will come either at school, or at work. Yet, in the last generation or so, it’s become borderline illegal to meet women in those places.

    Between 18 and 20, I had 2 women try to get me fired for alledgedly hitting on them at work, (one just didn’t like me, and I don’t even know who the other one was) and one tried to get me expelled from school, on the same complaint (her boyfriend caught her staring at me a few times, and she went crazy making excuses). That one went as far as her telling some of her friends that I raped her. All three were absurd, since I was still hopelessly in love with a girl I went to high school with, and couldn’t have cared less whether another woman even existed.

    Since I was a damned good worker, and since neither had ever seen me hit on anyone, in any situation, both employers changed my schedule so those “offended” women would never have to see me again. Both also told me that if they even heard a rumor about me, I was gone.

    After a sham “hearing,” where I wasn’t allowed to speak, and the girl didn’t even show up, the school put me on academic probation, (less than a B in any class, or less than 15 units, and I was out) listed me as a “sexual herasser,” and would automatically remove me from any classes she signed up for in the future (no refunds). I was told I could appeal to some kind of student council, to get the academic probation part removed, but not the rest. Since I’d already been “convicted” at the “hearing,” I’d have to definitively prove to the council that I’d never asked her out, or I’d be expelled. Obviously, I didn’t take that appeal. I ended up quitting school for other reasons. But since we had similar majors, and classes were limited, I likely would have had to, either way. When I ran into her 2 years later, she acted like were were old friends. I barely restrained myself from punching her.

    To this day, almost 20 years later, I simply don’t speak to unmarried women at work. It’s not worth the risk. I deal with them the same way I deal with cops. Don’t speak unless spoken to, no eye contact, one word answers. Since I don’t drink, or go to church, and my hobbies are individual sports, (biking and running) I routinely go months without speaking to an unmarried woman, who isn’t selling me something.

    I don’t claim to be a great catch. Frankly, with my apathy and cynicism, I doubt I’d even be capable of a serious relationship anymore. But I can assure you, there are plenty of men in my situation, who had it beat into their heads early and repeatedly, that school and work are off limits for picking up women. I’m sure some of them are those great guys you women are looking for. Thanks to ridiculous sexual herassment policies, and the obvious fact that great men don’t hang out in bars, you’ll have to find some other way to meet them.

  27. There was a notion invented back in the mid 1960s, variously called the sexual revolution, women’s lib, etc. The promise of birth control pills in the 1950s that sexual intercourse might not be tied, closely, to pregnancy, moved the thought of *casual* sex from the decadence of the wealthy and powerful to the masses.

    The advent of mass marketing, and the immensely successful use of sex to sell stuff, combined with the emotional rebellion and judgmental rejection of “traditional” values and authority of the summer of love (1967, wasn’t it?) — set the stage for today, in my opinion.

    Today Cosmo makes money sharing secrets on how to keep sex adventuresome. Viagra has moved from an aid to older men following injury or surgery, to recreation. And no one is talking about making *better* babies.

    We are into the third and fourth generations, now, of raising our children (that would be us!) to shop around, to live a decadent life where sex is a social recreation, where there are always more fish in the sea, and the game is to find the best fish. We abandoned our great-great grandparent’s values of character, loyalty, and making life-long vows regardless of outcomes or mistakes we might have made. The divorce rate is high, because schools teach us to “get a better education”, rather than to make a strong home, raise a family of character, and build a strong and vibrant community.

    That is, there are no easy answers at this point. Women do not, as a whole (I think) set out to demoralize and prey on men. Men don’t, as a whole, set out to leave women desperate and hurt.

    If you want to find the “good” people, the people interested in making a sound and enduring home — there is hope. Many folks have re-discovered their ancestor’s values, have withdrawn from the alcohol-based, sex-based secular consumerist life that beleaguers America. Find the families, the communities, that cherish their children. That use alcohol for feasts and community celebrations, with little time (or money) for excesses. Learn their *values*. and look to married couples with long enduring marriages for advice. Not the marketer looking to increase market share.

    I find that anyone that invests a good part of their time and resources in flashy or provocative wardrobe or jewelry or cars or such, have little time and resource left to be a mate (a full time occupation) and co-parent (another full time occupation!). Someone looking for a “hot” look is looking for sex, not a home. The “soul” mate concept is about pagan worship that has been perverted by merchandisers for profit. The goal to shoot for is “a good man” or “a good woman”.

  28. When Jennifer and I met, I was NOT looking for a spouse. A week or so later, I knew that she was The One. The good with the bad, I knew that she was my future, and that there would be much pain and much joy. How’d I know? Well, for starters, she got my jokes. She was about the first person I’d ever met whose brain worked the way mine did, and I never had to explain myself to her. This turned out to be mutual, and she quickly stopped explaining her jokes to me as well. All of our friends who got married around the time we did have since divorced, but we persist on a decade and a half later. When we aren’t the best of lovers, we’re still the best of friends.

    As accident prone as she tends to be, I kind of half expect her to meet her demise one day at random, in a situation that involves a banana peel or derailed train, or something else equally strange. Thus far, we’ve been able to patch her up after her bizarre mishaps. With any luck, she’ll simply avoid whatever odd accident is destine to be her undoing, and put it off until after she has the chance to die of old age and happiness.

    If I ever found myself single again, I would likely marry singularly for looks, and have the bride sign a prenuptial, as I don’t believe I could possibly share a mental and emotional bond with another human being like I do with Jennifer. Lightning doesn’t strike twice, as they say. As I’ve been heard saying of her before: she’s crazy, but she’s my type of crazy. 😛 Frankly, I wish that everyone could have such a relationship.

    To all of you singles out there: Don’t be desperate and do go into relationships with no expectations. Be open and honest and demand the same. Setting up for brutal but respectful honesty in the beginning is laying the foundation for a long-term relationship. If you meet under false pretense and ruse, you have started building the relationship on dishonesty and it is doomed for failure. Treat others with respect and don’t settle for being treated with anything but respect. For those of you who have decided that you’re happier being single, more power to you!

    1. Getting your jokes is a lot more important than people think it is. I’m happy if someone comprehends 60 percent of my disjointed ramblings.

    2. I’d love to find someone who’s ACTUALLY what we could call brutally honest. Unfortunately, I’ve found the ones who say they are typically aren’t. And the ones who don’t say they are are, in their own way, being honest by not doing so.

  29. I remember Kim du Toit saying that if something happened to his wife, he’d shave his head and become a monk rather than start dating.

    Personal gripes:
    A: Women who, when you ask them out or ask if you can call them say “Yes!” with a big smile. Then never answer the phone.
    B: Women who go on a date with you, tell you they had a fine time, then never answer the phone.

    I’m not talking squirrelly 20-somethings, I’m talking 30’s & 40’s; apparently having the manners to say “No thank you” to a request, or “No, don’t want to go out again” is just too damn much effort.

  30. I remember one time I met this girl in a bookstore. We talked for a while, and when the time came for the store to close, I asked her for her number. She replied that she’s too busy to entertain the idea of a relationship.

    This sort of thing wouldn’t be so bad if it was just a few times. Unfortunately, women consistently choose everything else over relationships. I’m not just talking about school, career, and friends…it even includes petty stuff like pedicures. Your actions speak louder than words. You don’t want a relationship.

  31. Yup, It would have been better having not been rejected for 15 years straight with No Reprieve. Because now I might have given a faulk No longer… actions speak louder than words and I’ve learned a lot about women when observing their actions.

  32. You know what I like the most? Just coming home from work and not having a girlfriend or wife nag me. I have my own small house, a dog, a truck and a car. I will be so simple with this . My last relationship was a girlfriend who lived with me for 11 years. She never cooked , cleaned, nor did anything but look pretty. She had a bank tellers job. She wanted to attach onto my health insurance, She quit her job. She wanted me to take a loan out on my 401K for her spending money. She drove my spare car, and said it was her car, She would always empty my wallet of cash, She was hoping she would get pregnant to hang me on child support………So.. Does any man want to sign up for this Life? …I got burned,,, do you want to try?

      1. You are very nice. I have to keep my guard up. I want to see more questions on your site. I will search for more women related questions. Thank you for at least listening to me.

  33. Earlier during my career overseas it seemed girlfriends were very easy to meet, date and keep. As an average looking American man in Japan, Korea, Thailand, Australia, and a few other countries, I didn’t see so many narssissitic, lying and cheating women.

    Been back in the U.S. now about a year and the dysfunctional dating culture is totally out of balance. American men have it the worst in the world! If any of you guys have a passport and a little cash, you”ll have muuuuch better luck and less headaches in a foreign country.

    I’ve just decided its not worth the time looking, asking her out, spending money on her, and in the end she’ll just walk on out for another guy.

    I wonder if humanity will ever reverse itself 50 or 60 years back when dating was not so much of a contact sport.

  34. What is all this bullshit about friend zoning? If you’re doing everything her bf would do without being her man and getting nothing in return, that says a lot more about you than it does her. No one can take advantage of you unless you let them. Wise up and move on instead of whining about it and hating all women.

  35. And I love these men who think dating overseas is the answer. I know more than one man who has been cheated on, mistreated and/or cleaned out if his life saving by non American women using then get out of their poor, oppressive country.

  36. i get a kick out of all these women i see who spend their time kicking nice guys around and generally treating them like trash tthen after their all used up and their ready to settle because no self respecting man will have their nasty ass anymore they cry where are all the good men? MGTOW is where all the good men went they got sick of being kicked around and taken advantage of and kicked around and it’s just going to keep growing because the nice guys are sick of being used and kicked around i’m self employed and net 250,000 a year and i have gone my own way for sure and i love it actually wish i had known about the MGTOW philosophy years ago i would never have gotten married what a treat that 8 year stint in hell was

  37. Women like Sass who expierence everything a guy says as either sexist or whiny and that men should man-up is the reason why good guys go MGTOW. Or commit suicide in ever growing numbers.

    As for me? From a young age I was already shy and considered ugly. Then I got vaccinated and got autism. Now I am just that Not interesting to any one and MGTOW by default. To me its exceptance of not giving myself false hopes rather then a choice. The depression is gone and I do not feel incline to jump of the balcony any more. Live is the enemy and I’ll keep on standing up to it till I naturally die.

  38. Women going after the toxic masculinity they complain about is just human nature. And Geek shaming to complain on how masculinity doesn’t necesserally equate to the nice guys is dehumanizing and lame. A person should not be judged on how much he deviates from the established stereotipical male feminists demonize. Men are rarely bothered with women any more due to abuse of the system when it comes to child support, divorce and especially false rape cases. The men of MGTOW arent all geeks, most of them are either young people who realized this on early or older men who LIVED THIS and survived to tell the tale. And then spend time on the net complaing about women. I am in the third catagory no woman was ever interested in me so I never needed to try.

    As for men in general? More and more of them take on ‘recreanational swimming ‘, or simple ‘hang out’ at places to test their roping skills and take up hobbies like ‘sky diving’ This trend is growing without any one caring and dont go crying to the MGTOW when you ask why there are no men left, period.

    http://youtu.be/l5aZJBLAu1E *Splat*

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