Dear Concerned Neighbor,
I’m sure you’re wondering why you are receiving this note. Frankly, I am appalled and disappointed in you. You are setting a terrible precedent for the children in the community.
Your writing, in fact, is a stunning example of abuse to the English language. What did the poor semi-colon ever do to you? You should not be distributing such material to impressionable children this Halloween season.
My hope is that you will step up as a neighbor, pull the broom out of your ass, and fly away on it. You certainly should not be allowed to continue this uneducated publishing habit.
PS. If you don’t want to hand out candy, turn off your porch light like an adult and mind your own damn business. Maybe you are familiar with the phrase, “opinions are like assholes”?
For full disclosure, my kid is not anyone’s idea of ‘moderately obese’. He’s a skinny kid just like I always was. And yet, this still irks me.
The saving grace is that these kids have the chance to grow up to be beautiful human beings. She will have to live with her own ugliness that is inside.