A few weeks ago, a friend posted about some former pastor that has decided to live as if there is no God for a year. He’s chronicling it here. I initially blew it off as some publicity stunt. Hey! Look at me! I’m radical with an attention grabbing headline and everything. But it kept cropping up in the back of my mind, so I read more.
He makes the point that many people that call themselves Christians live their day to day lives no differently than the atheists. Sure, we visit church and go through the motions. We even promise to pray for the sick and the hurting. Some actually do. But are we really living as though we believe and all-powerful, all-knowing deity is with us every step? Do we turn to Him with real expectation that He hears us? That He will intervene? Or when He doesn’t, do we really, deep down, trust that He knows best?
Ryan Bell’s journey pushed me to take a hard look into my own life, and to be honest, I didn’t like what I found. Challenging even. When was the last time I picked up my Bible for study or devotion? I don’t know. I pray with my son before bed every night, but when was the last time I took a quiet moment to talk to God myself? I don’t know. I got busy. I stuck God back with my canned goods in case of emergency. I’ll use that when things are really desperate.
That’s not the kind of Christian I ever set out to be. I know God is bigger and better than that. I’ve seen Him do amazing things in my life and for those I love. I’ve never lived as though there was no God, but I haven’t always walked as though He is right beside me either. So I made a point of changing that. A point to stop and listen for God’s voice. And sure enough, He’s calling. Calling me to do something. What that is, I’m not sure. I’ve got a hunch, but it’s going to take a miracle.
I am and always will be a work in progress. I will stumble and I fall and even fail. God will be with me through it all. He will pick me up and dust me off, but He really wants to see me succeed like any good father would.
Is it Arapal? Lord, if that’s where you’re calling me to go, it’s in Your hands. You know my fears and hesitations.You know all the reasons and excuses why I can’t. But I’ve got a flashlight or two, and I’m not afraid to read in the dark. Lead me, still waters or no.