Chick-fil-A Tried to Kill Me

This has gone too far. The swan song of the hate chicken has finally hit a sour note.

How dare you attempt to poison me! And with a silent migraine, no less. We’ve gotten along just fine for all this time, but I go to one Pride Blockparty. Coincidence? I think not.


The nerve. The blatant bigotry of completely ignoring my unique food allergy that I failed to inform you about! Putting delicious mandarin oranges in the fruit cup! Monstrous.

I am THE VICTIM here! Nevermind that you clearly display the presence of those diabolical spheres of swelling and misery in your menu photo. #citrusprivilege

I didn’t even eat them. I stabbed them with my fork and put them aside. But it was already too late. You didn’t even warn me that stabbing oranges may spread their juices indiscriminately across the strawberries and blueberries. Typical. So patriarchy. Did the melons consent to being sprayed with those fluids? Please.

Someone fund my pain and suffering!! I will not be satisfied until I have my own clothing line and reality show!

Yes, I’m kidding. I know I’m allergic. I know they put oranges in the fruit cup. I should have been smart enough to realize that removing the offending wedges by stabbing them with my fork was maybe not the brightest idea. Or just had the waffle fries.

7 thoughts on “Chick-fil-A Tried to Kill Me”

  1. I have to thank you, I think.

    I have a few weird food allergies (celery is one, and it can be a real pain to avoid in restaurant food). I’ve had a couple of strange episodes in the past five years that I THOUGHT was either a hot flash without the heat (I’m about the right age) or some kind of heart thing (nothing untoward was found in a checkup).

    Looked up “silent migraine” online. The symptoms more or less fit. (I very occasionally get actual migraines, and have gotten ocular migraines). And yes, they occurred after eating somewhere “strange” where I might have failed to manage to avoid celery (“natural flavoring” often has it…)

    They suck, but at least kind of knowing what it is helps. Had the rapid heart rate (not as bad as you did), had the feeling of wanting to pass out, sweating profusely, sick to my stomach….

    1. Well I’m certainly not glad you’ve experienced similar things, I’m glad to help.
      Yes, the sweating. My entire body was clammy. I’m surprised a co-worker didn’t stop me and call for help, honestly. I’ve had to be diligent about avoiding aspartame as it has triggered migraines for years. Surprising how many things that it is in. Apparently I will have to be just as diligent about the oranges.

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