I Just Can’t Deal With This Right Now

Photo courtesy T Michael Hast

Aww, cupcake. I’m so sorry.

Here, let me pat you on the head and guide you to a safe space while the adults just fucking deal.

Look. I get it. Real life is hard. There’s, like, bills and responsibility and alarm clocks and evaluations. It’s, like, seriously style and cramping, ya’ know? You really put your heart and soul into that expletive filled rant against capitalism and someone just stole your freaking intellectual property and shared without even so much as a link back. That sucks! No one will ever know that you wrote that!

How will anyone ever know that you are the super special snowflake that really participated? I know, I know. You just can’t even.

Well then maybe you should odd.

Someone hurt you right in the feels? Take a moment. Breathe in. Let the hurt flow through you. Can you show me on the doll where it tingles now?

Listen. Really, listen. I don’t care how much melanin content you’ve got, who or what you want to consensually rub your gooey parts against, or how you’d like to identify yourself. Are you useful? Can you make me a sandwich? Mow my lawn? File my taxes? Massage my feet while painting my toenails? Entertain me?

No?

Really?

Nothing…

Then why for any deity’s sake should I give a flying flip about your well being? Because you feel discriminated against? Show me.

Let’s play.

I’m a woman of color* in flyover country. I’ve never been able to pass**. I’m a survivor of many things I never deserved, but the sun just keeps rising so I better keep on.

The world has crapped on me and my own over and over and yet, we persevere. You, my dear snowflake, really can too. Yes, you too can own a tiny house in the suburbs with innumerable plumbing problems and mice so your children can go to the right schools and you’ve got the bragging rights of living in the right suburb.

I digress. This is you and your micro-aggressions.

Breathe in. Feel it fully from your forehead all the way down to very tips of your toes.

Mmm.

You. Think of you.

Meditate on you.

Good?

So you’re a socialist? That’s awesome. What, exactly, are you contributing to society? From each according to his ability, yes? So, what are your abilities? What are you throwing into the pot for redistribution?

Oh! You have a bowl.

Um…

There’s kind of a lot of people showing up with bowls. I might have some pepper. It might be in spray form.

Someone maybe ought to wash all these bowls people keep bringing. No?

I’d direct you to the ball pit, but you have to sign a waiver. We had to let some un-vaccinated children play there so there might be a touch of polio.

You don’t want to hear me, do you? In fact, you’ve probably stormed away with your spittle rage to your keyboards and are furiously telling reddit what a terrible human being I am. Post a link while you’re at it, ‘k!

I am! I am the awful human being that thinks maybe, just maybe, you should be capable of contributing to what ever perfect society you believe you deserve a place within. It’s true. If you are useless, I believe society should shun you. Kick your worthless butt out. You. Should. Starve.

Does that hurt? Do you need a minute? A blanket?

Who am I kidding? You’ve left. You’re already telling me that I’m terrible in my comments. I like you. You’re going to tell your friends. They’re going to get mad too and visit. They will probably comment. You know what? Happy clicks and angry clicks are totally equal for ad revenue. Do that. I’m a damn evil capitalist. Angry is usually a lot more delicious, profitable clicks. Please, be mad. I like lobster.

Oh right! You can’t deal with this right now.

Hang on. I’m going to have to move some crap out of the designated safe space. The entire house is a deplorable mess, but that should definitely take priority.

Here you go, sweetie. Some gentle head pats. Maybe even a Popsicle.

Right now happens right now. Yep, that sucks the big one sometimes. Sometimes, your car decides that your gas pedal doesn’t really exist while you’re doing 75 MPH down the turnpike. Totally okay. You drive stick. Shove that bad boy in neutral, turn the car off and back on(rebooting the computer), and throw it back into gear at speed without impeding traffic. This is now. It’s a lot. It’s seriously, no doubt, scary. I’ve done it. You can too.

Forget the safe space. Own the scary space. Conquer and overcome.

*I really hate that term.

**Almost as much as I hate that one. In the second grade, I had to explain to my teacher that Filipino is not, in fact, a Native American tribe, but thank you for the paper work that could get me on the rolls.

14 thoughts on “I Just Can’t Deal With This Right Now”

  1. I have red hair. I have blue eyes. I’m one of 1% of the world’s population as such. But, an SJW looks at me and judges me by my lily white skin. That is racist. Against a minority. You should be ashamed of yourselves. I know you won’t commit ritual suicide offer it, because that would be “cultural appropriations.” Still, you should be ashamed of yourselves. #gingerlivesmatter

  2. Oh honey…. you know I love your rants…. mainly because you say things sooooo much better than I do. 🙂 Love and hugs and a penny or two in your ad bucket. Keep up the good work !

  3. ::slow clap::

    Whenever I hear someone start out “oh, me, that was offensive!” I just start laughing. “Kiddo, I served on submarines with some of the most brilliant, most highly educated, most profane and offensive creatures the human race has ever produced (and some of the dumbest, too, we *did* have officers). You haven’t even heard the tiniest RUMOR of ‘offensive’ yet.”

    SMH

    Effin’ kids these days with their ‘safe spaces’ and ‘cultural sensitivity’. Get a job, get a haircut, get REAL.*

    *this comment directed at the target of Jennifer’s rant, not at Jennifer herself. I’ve met Jennifer, and would never direct anything negative towards her, she and EvylRobot are awesome and, for that matter, I prefer to live. 🙂

  4. HAHAHAA!! Your teacher thought Filipino was a Native American tribe??? Now, I see where things started going wrong in America. (Of course, I mentioned that many times how the education system started getting worse about 35 years ago). And today, we have kids that are products of their education, or lack thereof.

    1. Thirty-five years ago was 1982.

      Try 117 years ago. Then it was kicked into overdrive in the mid 1960’s. By the late 1970’s it had spread out into the rural areas.

  5. I see our conversation from Sunday is still in effect about the entitlement mentality!

    As far as your teacher thinking Filipinos were native Americans? Obviously he/she never did a TDY or port call at Subic Bay or Clark AB. Probably got his/her geography mixed up by a few hundred miles and was thinking Guam. . . (I type this with a sarcastic, evil grin while thinking the aforementioned teacher probably was/is in favor of doing away with recess and wondering why the uptick in fidget spinner toys.)

    JD

  6. I’m awed by your ability to control your words to such devastating effect. (And JD Kinman is a good friend, so my awe is colossal indeed!)

  7. Sadly, the snowflakes who need to read this the most are incapable of grasping that they are part of the problem.

  8. After I bought my first vehicle, I was out driving on a highway with an older friend who suddenly asked, “What would you do if you blew a tire right now?” He then explained, “DON’T brake. That will swerve you into another lane. Steer straight ahead, let the vehicle slow itself, and then carefully maneuver off the road.”

    A decade later, it happened to me. His advice probably saved my life.

    Here’s to your post, thinking that somebody reading it will recall it in a moment of stress and will, in fact, deal with it instead of feeeeeling bad.

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