Chancellor Edward Pantsington “Chance” ?/??/2007-2/20/2015

Those of you that follow me on Facebook, already saw this.

It is so very hard to lose a furry family member. It’s funny, we took him on intending to be his caregivers. We were doing a favor for Pat’s mom. It was EvylRobot‘s idea, as I reminded him on multiple occasions. We never really expected him to become such an important family member.

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Pat worked for me from 2006 until she passed away in 2011 from breast cancer. It was ugly. Folks, seriously, don’t buy into the snake oil some people try and sell you over the internet. If you do, you may find yourself in a situation where your nurses break a crap ton of HIPAA  regulations and give your much younger boss detailed medical information so she can convince your mother not to put you on a ventilator once you’ve died but before your body has figured it out. Not a thing I should have ever had to do, but I did it. I’d do it again.

But this isn’t about Pat. This is about Chance. Even though we already had a house full of critters, Evyl thought we should adopt Chance. And so we found ourselves at Pat’s mom’s house. I had crammed myself into the space at the end of the entertainment center where I spoke gently to this absolutely terrified ball of white fluff. He’d had so much upheaval in his world, all he wanted to do was hide under the bed. He certainly did not want to chat with this strange lady that kept insisting that everything was going to be alright. He eventually relented and came home with us where he promptly found a place to hide. It was the worst thing ever. If we so much as looked at him wrong, he’d growl this amazing wall shaking growl, hiss, and lose bowel control.

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We thought we’d made a terrible mistake. But then he came out of hiding. At first just a little.

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He was still scared. It was around this time that Ferrule found it entertaining to mess with the newcomer. Cats can be jerks sometimes, but even though Chance had been declawed on all four corners, he found a way to overcome.

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Soon, Ferrule stopped being a jerk. They still fought, but they fought like any siblings fight, but they loved each other like brothers.

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Chance freaking loved all the critters in his new family.

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But he loved the dog most of all. Sometimes he slept in her crate.

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He was exuberant in all the many ways he loved his life. If he spoke, this is a cat that would have said ‘dude’. As in, “Dude! I just got this great idea. I’m going to get in your lap now.” Or, “Dude! Cat Tree!”

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In the end, he was with the people he loved. Evyl wanted to bring him into our lives and lovingly shepherded him out. Chance put his head in his hand and left in peace.

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For those interested in the technicals, it was an aortic thromboembolism. A blood clot blocked the blood flow from his waist down. There really was nothing that could be done, mercifully sparing us from watching him slowly dwindle away and needing to make some decision about when was the right time and how much suffering was enough.

 

To You, My Love

Everyone is going to post their sappiness tomorrow. But for us, tomorrow is just candy and empty platitudes. Today? Ah! Today is Friday the 13th! Today is ours.

Friday the 13th has grim connotations and dark implications for most, but we aren’t most people. You, most certainly are not most people. And much like 17 years ago, this is the first of two consecutive Friday the 13ths. A month from today will be the 17th anniversary of the day we became a thing. I tell you, the whole world shifted.

Individually, we are fire and ice. Chaos unchecked. Together, we are force unlike any other. We are more than the sum of our parts. Dangerously, we even reproduced.

You, my love, my partner in all of our adventures, not only caught my eye, but here we are 16 years and 11 months later, and I am still enthralled. I am still captivated by you. Still, we stay up too late just talking because we are still fascinated by one another.

You are, have been, and will always be, my love. You are the partner in all of my schemes, and I in yours. I am the me I am today because of you. My flame would have burnt out without you. Sometimes, you are my counter-balance keeping me from falling off the edge; other times, you are the spark that lights the fuse so I can rocket across the chasm. But generally, we strap in together and we’ll figure out the landing when we get there.

I love you, Michael. You are so very special to me, today and every day. Here’s hoping you didn’t expect a tribute on this day 16 years and 1 month prior to us becoming an us. and to all of you with your sappy tributes for the Hallmark holiday? *insert raspberry*

No, I’ll Not Be Seeing 50 Shades This Weekend

Or any time, actually. And no, not for some pretentious holier than thou reason either. You wanna get in on some ‘Mommy Porn,’ have at it for all I care. Yes, I love God and I love my husband, seeing this movie wouldn’t change any of that. Hell, maybe I should go see it. It’ll make me even more glad that I’m not married to some petulant man-child with mommy issues.

—-Links are NSFW—-

No, I haven’t read it. I tried, really I did, but the writing is so outrageously bad that I spend way too much time laughing at the clumsy narrative and terrible grammar than getting into the story*.

The elevator whisks me with terminal velocity to the twentieth floor. [Jen’s Note: She’s going up]

 

Which is good, because if I could get into the story I’d be completely disgusted. Rather than read through it myself, I’ve followed along with Cliff at The Pervocracy (If you have a moral issue with pornography and alternative lifestyles, you might not want to spend too much time over there. If not, you might learn something about BDSM while you’re there.).

I’m just going to cut right to the chase here. It’s still stalking, abuse, and rape even if he’s really really good looking. If he tells you that you can’t use a safe word, you don’t have a safe word. I couldn’t care less what kinky fun-times you want to have provided there is consent.

But this?

This is the first time I have ever had sex in my home, and as sex goes, I think it was pretty damn fine. But now I feel like a receptacle – an empty vessel to be filled at his whim. […] I have an overwhelming urge to cry, a sad and lonely melancholy grips and tightens round my heart. Dashing back to my bedroom, I close the door and lean against it trying to rationalize my feelings. I can’t. Sliding to the floor, I put my head in my hands as my tears begin to flow.

Yeah, that’s exactly how romance should make you feel. In bizarro world. It’s not kinky edgy romance; it’s a drawn out rape fantasy with a super-sized side order of co-dependency. He’s not dreamy; he’s a predator. Personally, I prefer my fantasy men to be confident and respectable and not the kind of guy that could be completely emasculated because his lady friend bought him breakfast at IHOP.

Ladies, Hollywood just told you that your greatest sexual fantasy is to be subjugated, stalked, and abused by a rich and handsome man. Yeah, sisterhood?

*Remember that time I used a run-on, rambly sentence to describe terrible writing? Yeah, like that.

Oh the Silliness!

Honestly, I was just testing the video capture. I was playing around and didn’t expect it to be so funny. And yet…

Well, the silliness happened. Have I mentioned that I turn lots of things into improv musicals?

 

I Made This. Want it?

Fans of the Legend of Zelda game franchise will recognize the Royal Crest

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And the TriForce, of course

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Hand-made by yours truly. Legend of Zelda Tunisian crochet throw pillow. Yes, this is the product of many hours of effort. You need this in your game room. You’ll be the envy of all of your gamer friends.

No, it isn’t for sale, but it could be yours. Just visit the Charity Bazaar at Super BitCon! I’ll be in various places around the expo for the weekend. Find me and say hello!

I Became Briefly Invisible Today

I think 2015 will be the year where I develop my super-powers. Obviously, I must have them. All the ass-kicking super-hero women in the TV shows wear heels, I took a defensive shotgun class in 3-inch heels. Ergo, I must be a latent super-hero.

Logic!

And today, I was briefly invisible. You see, in the office, we’ve got those fancy toilets with the sensor that can see you while you’re sitting there and then flushes the toilet when it can’t see you anymore.

It flushed today. While I was still sitting there. Logically, I must have become invisible. See, hypothesis + evidence = science!

Terrorism of Ideas

I am heartbroken over the events in Paris this week and thankful that it appears the terrorists have been dealt with. As usual, the hiding and wringing on hands did nothing to stop the violence. Instead, it took a righteous application of violence to do so. I suspect the afterlife won’t be what they were expecting. Evil exists. It attacks without warning. The only defense against it is a willingness and ability to fight back. Sadly, the victims could not.

The pen may not be mightier than the sword, but I hope this week’s events do not stop anyone from using them. Free expression is important. Important enough to be protected with swords and guns and any other tool at your disposal. Nations have been formed and toppled because people took up arms in defense of ideas.

Their voices may have been silenced, but it is my sincere hope that new ones take their places. Terrorism must not win.

 

Feline Wisdom for 2015

Well since my 2013 resolution was never broken nor fulfilled, my resolution obligation remains in limbo. So I’m just going to let Ferrule take over the blog today. He’s been reading my Facebook news feed and judging you.

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He even took over my keyboard.

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Yes, that was Ferrule. He’s very helpful. He’s got some words of wisdom for 2015.

1. Sit more. Sitting makes laps and laps are for sits. It’s where petting happens.

2. Make peace with the pet hair. I’m just going to make more.

3. Strings! They are great, just had to mention it.

4. Poop happens. Sometimes when you least expect it.

5. The loud thing with headlight that eats cat hair? Just put it away. See number 2

6. When something bothers you, bite its butt, fluff your tail, and strut away.

7. Dude. Catnip. Dude.

8. There will always be more kibble in the bowl, don’t stress about it.

9. Go to the backdoor and sing about your adventures. Preferably while your humans are engrossed in the warm boxes with the screens that they keep on their laps. Besides, laps are for sits and petting, not typing.

10. When life gets scary, hide under the buffet until Mama gets home.

This post has been reviewed by the resident feline editor, Chance

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Yes, he is also judging you.