It Seems Oklahoma Has Raised The Heat Ceiling

Because July was the hottest month anywhere since they’ve been keeping track.

Grover Cleveland was serving his second term as President in 1895. Victoria was the Queen of England and Will Rogers was still a teenager. It is also the year that statewide average temperature records begin for the United States. There have been 1399 months pass by since 1895. Multiply that number by 48 and you have 67,152 months of temperature records for the contiguous states. How hot was it in Oklahoma last month? Of those statewide average temperature records for the 48 states, none has been hotter than July 2011 in Oklahoma.

I believe I can make my house more comfortable by cranking up the furnace.


I’m just following the administration’s <insert comically large air quote> logic</comically large air quote>.

Awe.  Isn’t that cute?  I bet your mom said your ears were handsome too.

Noting public concerns about the economy, Obama declared: “Markets will rise and fall, but this is the United States of America. No matter what some agency may say, we’ve always been and always will be a triple-A country.”

Maybe we should let Dave Ramsey handle it.

What would happen if John Q. Public and his wife called my show with these kinds of numbers? Here’s how their financial situation would stack up:

If their household income was $55,000 per year, they’d actually be spending $96,500—$41,500 more than they made!That means they’re spending 175% of their annual income! So, in 2011 they’d add $41,500 of debt to their current credit card debt of $366,000!

This family has a problem, so it’s time to amputate the lifestyle!

It works the same way for the government. You can’t borrow your way out of debt, whether you’re a typical American family or the entire U.S. government. At some point, you’ve got to say, “Enough is enough!” and make the hard cuts necessary to win over the long haul.

Or maybe we could listen to one of our creditors

China, the largest creditor of the world’s sole superpower, has every right now to demand the United States to address its structural debt problems and ensure the safety of China’s dollar assets.

To cure its addiction to debts, the United States has to reestablish the common sense principle that one should live within its means.

As you all know, my husband was laid off from the regular workforce last year.  Rather than join the hordes of ambling zombies unemployed, he started his own business making the finest custom leather holsters that money can buy.  That made our household budget…err…complicated for a while.  So we switched to a cheap bourbon and ate a lot more chicken instead of fresh fish and steaks.  We changed date night from a nice dinner out to a rented movie and take-out.  It’s what normal households do when faced with a budget shortfall, you make cuts and sacrifices.  We’re about to pay off our car, then 2 small credit card balances, and the loan for the sewing machine (CD secured), and then all we will be left with will be the mortgage.  Rather than attempt to spend and borrow our way into prosperity, we buckled down and made some tough choices.  What is so wrong with expecting our government to do the same?

Dear Massachusetts

I’m sorry.  It’s seems we’ve left the gate open and a couple of tornadoes got out.  Or maybe, they’ve dug yet another hole under the fence*.  We really had no idea they would go so far.  Generally, they just come around to the front door when they escape.  Unfortunately, we’ve found no good way to cull the population.  And they are so terribly destructive when they get going.

But my sincerest apologies.  Please don’t send us another blizzard in retaliation.  Okies aren’t exactly equipped for all that white stuff.

*Generally, they just rip the fences out of the ground and throw them somewhere in the next county.


No, We Are Not In Oz

Yesterday’s storms missed us.  It was bad for a lot of folks though.  It swung north before it got to our fair city.

Thank you everyone that called, texted, tweeted, emailed, or just sent a thought our way.  We just got a lot of rain.  Some of it horizontal that came into the living room through the sliding door.  The backyard flooded just enough for the kids to play in once the danger had passed.  We didn’t even lose power.

My prayers are with those communities that did not fare so well.

An Update

A very generous friend loaned us 5 space heaters for our 1100 square foot house. Friends are totally made of win.

Our hot water lines froze in the night. Good times!

Here’s how the kitties decided to keep warm.

Ssh! Don’t tell anyone that I told you this, but they even snuggled with the puppy.

I decided to clean the bathroom to stave off the cabin fever and move enough to keep warm. While I did that, Michael ventured out into the snowy wastelands to bring back fire. Okay, fire in the form of oscillating heaters, but they make heat and that’s the point here.

We decided to settle in for a movie (The Incredibles). We’d set up one of the heaters in the utility room where the hot water lines are located and turned the hot water all the way open in the kitchen sink and bathtub. About halfway through the movie, water started running in the kitchen. As I headed to the bathroom to check the tub, it began to run as well.

Hooray! Hot showers tonight!

So now, here we are with 5 space heaters running and the thermostat looks like this.

In case you can’t read the blurry shot, it says 71. Toasty. I generally refuse to run the central heat above 68.

Makes you appreciate the little things…

Although, I’d still like to bludgeon Murphy with that law of his.

Violent Rhetoric Warning

So we were hit with the OMG world is ending blizzard storm of Epic suckage. Just like everyone else. Ain’t global warming grand? Yep, I have pictures.

Here is the big snowdrift in the front yard.

The invisible street

You can see the others on Facebook.

It’s about 10 degrees with a wind chill of -10. Also, there is snow in my garage. The same garage that hasn’t been opened to the outside in years. It got in through the garage doors and the side door.

But Jen, why did you even go out in your uninsulated garage that is full of nothing but unfinished projects and jagged sharp things?

So I could unsuccessfully try to determine why the central heat is going RRRRR clunk RRRRR clunk and not blowing any warm air into the house.

Dear Murphy,
If I ever meet you, I’m going to beat you almost, but not quite to death. Then, I am going to light you on fire and place you in my living room so I can stay warm. I will delight in your screams.
*For those concerned, we really will be just fine. Just not exactly thrilled with the furnace situation

Overheard Quotes

Ah springtime in Oklahoma!  Time for the inevitable.  You see, the wind does far more than just sweep down the plain around here.  And as you can see from all the links, it can leave a path of destruction.  My household and immediate family are fine.  My mother watched one of these from her office.  They strike close to home.  But my favorite commentary came from one of my co-workers.

Got a tornado up my nose!  Still ain’t got no power.

And he’s fully Okie.  He’s here at work rather than sitting around lamenting about how someone should fix it. Okie’s may be half crazy, but we are a resilient bunch.  Yeah, I’ve got video of the storm.  Complete with sirens.  I’ll try and get it posted later.

Shoe Update

Well it is freaking cold as predicted.  But I wore these shoes anyway.  The orange pair.  I wore the other pair yesterday.  Just thought you’d like to know.

My kid’s school district decided at midnight last night to close the schools giving me plenty of time to plan.  So he’s at work with me today with his DS and a portable DVD player.  I kind of like balancing GL accounts while listening to The Incredibles.

*I’m outrageously busy at work.  Thus, short posting.

The Global Warming is Here!

And they are closing the schools and telling parents to bundle up their children!  There’s ice and freezing fog!  Could you maybe just put out a bit more carbon for us?  I was not designed for this global warming.

And also, the ice forces me to wear sensible shoes.  Curse you Al Gore!!