The Global Warming is Here!

And they are closing the schools and telling parents to bundle up their children!  There’s ice and freezing fog!  Could you maybe just put out a bit more carbon for us?  I was not designed for this global warming.

And also, the ice forces me to wear sensible shoes.  Curse you Al Gore!!

It’s Like Gravity, It Exists

Yeah, that was the Goracle’s eloquent response to Sarah Palin’s Op-Ed in the Washington Post.  The funny thing is that Sarah Palin didn’t deny that climate change exists.  She only said that, like gravity, man doesn’t make it happen. Isaac Newton would have been shocked to find out that it was due to cow farts that the apple fell to the ground.

But his over-bloatedness couldn’t be bothered with actual facts.  And a good rant is just too easy and overdone.

And so, I give you a tribute to the Goracle in song. (Apologies to the Little Drummer Boy)

Come he told me, the globe is too warm

A brand new truth to see, the globe is too warm

It’s Inconvenient you know, the globe is too warm

To the theater we go, the globe is too warm

globe is too warm, globe is too warm

So we cap and tax, the globe is too warm

Give him the ax

E-mails tossed around, the globe is too warm

Snow falls to the ground, the globe is too warm

I demand a recount! the globe is too warm

Investigation to mount, the globe is too warm

globe is too warm, globe is too warm

Hide the decline now, the globe is too warm

Sacred cow

Write bad poetry, the globe is too warm

Rewrite history, the globe is too warm

Carbon credits to sell, the globe is too warm

His bank account to swell, the globe is too warm

globe is too warm, globe is too warm

The lie is crashing down, the globe is too warm

Gore is a clown.

Cap and Trade and The Public Option

Is anyone else wondering about the connection here?  We’ve got 2 really terrible bills that OMG must be passed NOW! The planet is dying!  I swear, it’s really true.  Trust me, I’m from the government.  You don’t need to look at all the dissenting scientists.  And some people don’t have medical insurance.  It’s not their fault they buy pot and beer and lottery tickets instead.  They are victims.

The health care reform bill is attempting to enslave the broke to the government by holding their health in the balance.  Dear Reader promises that you can keep your existing coverage if you like it.  This will just be there as a safety net.  Funny, I thought my health insurance premiums were already paying for my ‘safety net’ against medical expense.  So the regular taxpayer that wants to keep their coverage now gets to pay for both.

Well that’s all hunky dory right?

But what happens when your electricity bill is more than you can afford?  Where do you think the local coal fired power plant is going to get the money to pay for their carbon licenses?  What happens when your employer’s bills go up?  Think you’ll get that annual raise?  Christmas bonus?  Or might you just get a notice of termination?

And suddenly you find yourself broke and far from alone in your new situation.  Suddenly that ‘public option’ becomes the only option.  It doesn’t really matter anymore whether or not you liked your private coverage.  The clinics will fill up with those forcefully bound to the government’s teat.  What else are you going to do?  And so you hop into the line that treats patients in the order they were received.  This is the Hope and Change.  Hope that tumor isn’t malignant.  Change that bum heart out yourself.  Hope you rank high enough when they do a cost/benefit analysis on you.  Maybe you’ll just get painkillers instead.

Ur Doin It Wrong: Write It, Then Vote On It

So the House of Ill Repute passed Cap and Trade by a narrow margin.  We’re supposed to believe that this measure will save teh planet from Glowbull Worming.  You know, since Al Gore said it, it must be true.  Maybe I’m terribly naive, but I kind of think a bill should actually be written before anyone votes on it.   Of course, maybe someone should scientifically prove the existence of Glowbull Worming and the underlying causes.

But instead, teh Pelousy rush, rush, rushed it on through.  Because it’s important that we believe in the power-point presentation.  The world could die!  Cow farts!  Oh the humanity!

And so the Vegetation Asphixiation Act of 2009 is headed to the Senate.  We can hope some great minds actually write something which can be read and voted down.  Don’t hold your breath.

Is Al Gore in Town?

Because there was global warming all over my car.  I had to clear it off before heading to choir rehearsal at 10 this morning.
Global Warming on the car
This was what the neighborhood looked like
The Neighborhood
Got home around noon, and there was more global warming falling out of the sky!
More At Noon!
Hope my peonies survive the climate!
And the peaches
And Oh! The Irisis!
Here’s hoping this is the last we see of global warming around here for a while.

Not Snow

This may look like snow in my front yard.
not snow in my front yard

But I assure you that it is not.  This is sleet.

See the block of ice on wheels in my driveway?

frozen car

Notice how there are no tracks in the street.  No one in my neighborhood has felt like chancing that mess.  This picture was taken at about 8:30 this morning.  Yes, it’s a work day.

(more pictures after the break)

Continue reading Not Snow

No Salt For Seattle

And yet still blood pressure is rising.

That’s because the lack of salt has nothing to do with diet.  You see, Seattle is dealing with a massive onslaught of global warming.  The streets are absolutely covered in it, but they will not salt the roads because apparently the salt isn’t good for Puget Sound.  Never mind the fact that Puget sound is a salt water estuary.

Chief Wiggum Wiggins even admits that if they used salt there would be “patches of bare road because salt is very effective.”  But instead, “We decided not to utilize salt because it’s not a healthy addition to Puget Sound.”  Yes, the same Puget Sound that is salt water.

Someone call Al Gore, Seattle needs some hot air.

Paging Al Gore

Could I get some of that global warming over here?  Please.

I know you’ll get this since you invented the internet and all.  Could you just invent me some global warming over here in the reddest state in the union?  You can’t turn us blue this way.