Twisted Carols

So a few of the gun bloggers decided to re-write some holiday classics. And I decided to sing them.

Oh yes I did. Remember, I’m a professional.

First up, Tam and Bobbi’s re-write of The Christmas Song

Michael joined me for Rudolph the Tasty Reindeer. Mostly my re-write with some GBC help.

And finally, Jay’s 12 Days of Gunnie Christmas.

Yep, I skipped day 6 altogether and then totally flubbed 12. 3rd take. Sorry, I wasn’t doing it again. That one is freaking long!

Rudolph Sing-A-Long

Oh the things that break out in the GunBloggerConspiracy.  This was in response to this post.

<JayG>: heh
<JayG>: Rudolph jerky
<InJennifersHead>:

<InJennifersHead>: Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. Had very tasty backstrap
<InJennifersHead>: and if you ever smoked it. You would stand up and clap
Salamander>: All of the other reindeers want to be a tasty snack.
<InJennifersHead>: They want to be like Rudolph. Served with a side of Jack
<InJennifersHead>: Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa Came to say
<JayG>: and if you ever cured it, you would even say it wasn’t crap
<JayG>: (okay, that was bad)
<JayG>: Yours is much better
<Salamander>: hehe
<InJennifersHead>: Rudolph with your spices right! Won’t you be my dish tonight
Salamander breaks out in thunderous applause.
<InJennifersHead>: then how the children loved him. As the shouted out more please <InJennifersHead>: Yippee!
<Salamander>: Rudolph the Red Nosed reindeer, may I have seconds, please?
<InJennifersHead>: Rudolph the slow smoked Reindeer. You’ll go great with this swiss cheese!!!

Couldn’t be outdone by Jay and his 12 Days of Gunnie Christmas after all.

Pants On Fire!

Literally.  I’m sure you’ve all heard about how the system worked by letting a Nigerian jihadi on a plane with explosives in his underwear.  Of course, Nappy really said the system was made of fail.  Of course, to fix it, they plan to add more fail.

So apparently writing emails to give away some dead business man’s money to a far off American contact didn’t really pan out.  And so he went on to the next logical thing.  Blowing up a plane by lighting his underwear on fire.  Because that’s exactly how he wants to meet his promised virgins.  And so we sing again.

Abdulmutallab’s Nuts Roasting on an airplane fire
Passengers stamping out the flames
Dutchman’s bare hands putting out the blaze
Terrorist being stripped down on the plane

Everybody knows the system is just theater
Helps to make the trip a pain
Tiny tots with bottles in ziplocs
will find it hard to bomb the plane

They know Al Qaeda’s on their way
He’s bringing lots of ‘xplody jihadis for the day
And every traveler that’s gonna fly
Will see if DHS really knows how to spy

And so, I’m offering this simple plan
To all who are charged to keep us safe
Although it’s been said, many times, many ways
Shoot jihadis center mass.

It’s Like Gravity, It Exists

Yeah, that was the Goracle’s eloquent response to Sarah Palin’s Op-Ed in the Washington Post.  The funny thing is that Sarah Palin didn’t deny that climate change exists.  She only said that, like gravity, man doesn’t make it happen. Isaac Newton would have been shocked to find out that it was due to cow farts that the apple fell to the ground.

But his over-bloatedness couldn’t be bothered with actual facts.  And a good rant is just too easy and overdone.

And so, I give you a tribute to the Goracle in song. (Apologies to the Little Drummer Boy)

Come he told me, the globe is too warm

A brand new truth to see, the globe is too warm

It’s Inconvenient you know, the globe is too warm

To the theater we go, the globe is too warm

globe is too warm, globe is too warm

So we cap and tax, the globe is too warm

Give him the ax

E-mails tossed around, the globe is too warm

Snow falls to the ground, the globe is too warm

I demand a recount! the globe is too warm

Investigation to mount, the globe is too warm

globe is too warm, globe is too warm

Hide the decline now, the globe is too warm

Sacred cow

Write bad poetry, the globe is too warm

Rewrite history, the globe is too warm

Carbon credits to sell, the globe is too warm

His bank account to swell, the globe is too warm

globe is too warm, globe is too warm

The lie is crashing down, the globe is too warm

Gore is a clown.

Another Christmas Carol Re-Write!

Giving the linky love to the hubby.  Here’s a sample

Come they told me, Barack Obama
A brand new candidate, Barack Obama
Our hope and change we bring, Barack Obama
To elect him the king, Barack Obama
Barack Obama, Barack Obama

You have to follow the link for the rest.

We Three Kings of American Cars

A new carol for the season.  Rewritten by yours truly.

We three kings of American Cars
In our jets we traverse afar.
Next time we will drive the hybrid,
Equipped with OnStar.

O bailout wonder, bailout might,
Bail us out ’cause its our right,
Budgets failing, still are bleeding,
Bail us out from self-made plight.

We are kings of America’s plains,
We’ve enjoyed financial gain,
Over-head considering never
While we sip champagne.

O bailout wonder, bailout might,
Bail us out ’cause its our right,
Budgets failing, still are bleeding,
Bail us out from outdated plight.

Pension plans to offer have I.
And a truck for you to buy.
Leaking oils, Burning coils,
Mileage to make you cry.

O bailout wonder, bailout might,
Bail us out ’cause its our right,
Budgets failing, still are bleeding,
Bail us out from union plight.

Meet my friends: UAW,
Contracts spelling certain doom.
Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding dying,
Sealing off our tomb.

O bailout wonder, bailout might,
Bail us out ’cause its our right,
Budgets failing, still are bleeding,
Bail us out from dire plight.

Congress votes to citizens cries,
Tax and Spend and Sacrifice.
Alleluia, alleluia!
The treasury vandalized.

O bailout wonder, bailout might,
Bail us out ’cause its our right,
Budgets failing, still are bleeding,
Help us to keep on the lights.

I’m An Embarrassment to Barack

I’m an embarrassment to Barack!

I only scored 14 on the Obama Test

(with apologies)

And I’m Proud to be an Embarrassment!

‘Cause at least I know I’m free.

And I won’t forget the dead who voted,

To take my rights from me.

And I’ll gladly cling to

guns and God, to defend my rights today

‘Cause there ain’t no doubt, I love this land

God help the USA!

Fresh Prez of Bill Ayers

Alright, a little silliness for the Rotties.
With apologies to Will Smith. (*tongue firmly planted in cheek)

Now this is the story all about how

The world got flipped, turned upside down

I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there

I’ll tell ya how I became Prez with the help of Bill Ayers

In East Indonesia, not born but raised

Indoctrination was how I spent most of my days

Hopin’ and a changin’, bendin’ all the rules

was shootin’ some b-ball, bein’ all cool

Just a couple of guys, we were up to no good

Started organizing in my neighborhood

I did one line of coke and Grandma got scared

She said you’re moving to Chicago to be close to Bill Ayers

Went to Harvard, met a girl named Michelle

Hooked up with Tony Rezko, man that house is swell

I anything I could say that this deal was rare

But I thought man forget it, it’s down the street from Bill Ayers

I pulled out the vote percentage 7 or 8

And I yelled out to Acorn “Yo, I’ll pay you later!”

I looked at the White House, I was finally there

To sit on my throne, the Fresh Prez of Bill Ayers.