My Nemesis; Intimidating Machine

One of the great perks of my 8 to 5 is that there is an employee only gym upstairs. This is fan-freaking-tastic. There are 2 treadmills, 2 stationary bikes, 2 ellipticals, free weights, and the intimidating machine.

Um, no. I don’t know it’s real name. Never touched the thing. This thing is angry. It has frowny faces on the arms. See?

intimidating workout machine

But I made a new friend. She is not intimidated by the angry faces. In her previous employment, she worked as a personal trainer. She conquered faces like these.

angry fitness machine is angry

I met her this week. It was a personal growth moment. Often, it is beneficial to step out of a preconceived comfort zone.

I am typically the skinny girl in the gym. The general vibe is skinny bitch. And I deserve the label many times. At least, I did until this week. I guess it has something to do with being transparent about what I feel are my own flaws, but I decided to move beyond the skinny bitch realm this week.

I wear a size 4 generally (ladies’ sizes can be unpredictable). I know that to the vast majority of people, that qualifies as skinny. And generally, when I talk to people that are not built like I am, I say exactly the wrong thing. I don’t mean it that way. I am small framed. I’ve seen many smoking hot size 8 to 10 or 12 girls (Marilyn Monroe comes to mind. And when it gets beyond that, I have no concept of size. Some of these ladies are still HOT.), I DO NOT carry extra weight so gracefully. It gathers around my chin, and I begin to look like my mother. Not that she is not unattractive, but she is carrying extra weight in all the wrong places, just like I do.

All that said, when I see a woman that is 6 inches shorter than I am and obviously outweighs me by 150 to 200 pounds, I get judgemental. I’m generally pretty good at keeping these thoughts to myself, but I know from experience that these ladies are not generally nice to me when I speak to them. I am the skinny bitch.

Call me that, it’s okay. I really can take it.

Early in the week, I arrived at the office gym to find two of my co-workers on the treadmills. One of which is a woman that is about 6 inches shorter than I and outweighs me by a good 150 to 200 pounds. My thought was, “Well at least she is trying to do something.” Complete with emphasis in my head. I really do deserve the bitch title from time to time.

I changed into my workout gear and headed for an elliptical. I could not go into my “zone.” The big girl was teaching the guy. WTF? I tried to go on with my workout but was terribly distracted. They finally moved to the stationary bikes directly to my right, and I started a conversation with her. General pleasantries with the hello and all. Well I soon learned that before she worked in my office, she was a physical trainer. She told me that she worked with chronically obese women. I was confused, but admirably did not express it. She told me that when working with these women she would bring in her before pictures. I could not stop myself. I said with far too much incredulity in my voice, “So what did you look like before?” Yeah. And interjecting before she could respond in a desperate effort not to confirm the skinny bitch stereotype, “I mean, if you don’t mind me asking.”

Thankfully, she took it in the most positive light possible and told me that she had lost 200 pounds before that. And the skinny bitch in my head said, “200 pounds! Holy crap!  I’ve never ever weighed 200 pounds!” But what actually came out of my mouth was, “Wow! That’s amazing!” Unfortunately, the skinny bitch was able to manipulate my facial expression.

She told me that she still had 150 to go. After being chastized the skinny bitch in my head still said, “I’ve never even weighed 150 pounds!” She was much quieter this time. Instead I told her that all things considered, that she looked great. Yeah, still a skinny bitch thing to say.

And then I learned that she has a thyroid problem and her medication doesn’t work. If we lived in a perfect world, the floor would have then opened up and sucked me inside. So there I was, the proverbial skinny bitch, completely in awe of this girl that was able to lose 200 pounds. And I was not nice. At least, I didn’t think I was expressing myself nicely at all. I has swallowed my foot, defecated it, and was preparing to swallow it again. And then she offered to teach me about THE MACHINE.

I have now treated a fat girl badly, and she has offered to do something amazingly nice for me. The only thing I could do was accept the offer. And I’m incredibly excited to learn to use the scary machine. Unfortunately, it would still make frowny faces.

I’ve not had my lesson yet and am worried about a lack of tact slipping out. Anyone know of a good seasoning for feet?

Week Two Updates

Sorry I was late with the update this week. I’ve been cracking up at all the new comments I’ve been getting. (By the way, thank you everyone for being so supportive with my stupidity.)

We have two new victims players! My friend in real life and talented composer, The Beej! And my online friend, a nurse and animal lover, Buttercup!

I will continue to accept new people until I can nail down some sort of prize. At that point, I’m sure I will have to have far more official rules at that point. If you want to play, email your weight and measurements and goals if you have them to jennifer AT in jennifershead DOT com.

My personal numbers aren’t really showing it yet, but I feel like all the working out is doing me some good. I’ve gotten past being sore all the time, so I’ll have to add something new. I’m feeling more energetic and wanting to eat everything in sight. And as a bonus, I get to watch NCIS in the gym. I never really watch TV at home, so it’s a rare treat.

And so, without further adieu, the updated stats!

Fat City

I had no idea.  I mean, clearly, I’m trying to get into better shape, but I didn’t know my city was such a big one.  (Well technically, I live in a suburb of the 2nd fattest city.)

Men’s Fitness graded the city on several categories

  • Fitness Centers & Sport Stores: C+
  • Nutrition: F
  • Sports Participation: C+
  • TV Viewing: F+
  • Overweight/Sedentary: F
  • Junk Food: C-
  • Air Quality: B-
  • Geography: F+
  • Commute: A
  • Parks & Open Space: F+
  • City Rec Facilities: D-
  • Access to Healthcare: A-
  • Motivation: F+
  • Mayor & City Initiatives: C-
  • State Obesity Initiatives: D+
  • I think they left out some important stuff.  Apparently, in OKC we have easy access to multiple BBQ joints.  There’s even a place to get bacon wallcoverings.  There are 330 McDonalds around Will Rogers World Airport.  That’s got to count for something, right?

    At least we aren’t as fat as Miami.  And I’m betting we have a better Speedo to fat ratio too.

    2009 Challenge 1st Week

    Well I’ve returned to the old Health-O-Meter for my first week update. Since I know what my numbers are, I’m going to give my disclaimer. My first week work-out has been mostly muscle building. I told Michael around Wednesday that I was not going to be surprised if I actually gained weight this week. Apparently, I’m psychic.

    But, I have lost an inch and a half off my ass! Awesomeness. Also, I’ve had two people brave enough to join me! Brave, crazy, meh. First is Debbie who is a real estate agent out of Florida. (If you are looking for real estate in Florida, I can get you in touch with her.) Next is my friend, Instinct. The Beej is considering joining in, but we have to remember to get her numbers.

    So, without further adieu, here are the stats as they stand

    2009 Challenge Update

    Tomorrow is my second weigh in.  I’ve been working out everyday and living in a constant state of soreness. One day I will show you my fabulous abs.  You’ll have to some over here though, it hurts to get up.  And for the love of all things good and right, please don’t make me laugh.  Soon my ass will be worthy all all the Google searches it gets.  But my treadmill has stopped sending me hate mail, so it’s all good.

    Two other crazy people have joined hubby and me.  More are absolutely welcome.  Email your info to jennifer AT injennifershead DOT com.

    You can click 2009 Challenge in my side bar to keep up with the madness.

    My Beginning Statistics

    Or possibly public humiliation. I said I was going to do it. There are apparently witnesses. In fact, 2 of you have already admitted that you are crazy enough to play along. So here goes.

    Yep, those are my feet. I should really paint my toenails. That is a vintage Health-O-Meter.

    My beginning weight: 134.5 pounds! My goal is 120 or less.

    Waist: 30 inches. Goal is 26.

    Hips: 40 inches! Yikes! Yeah, should be more like 34. Must get the ass under control.

    Chest: 34.5 inches. Meh, this is fine.

    For added reference, I am 5 feet 4 inches tall. At least, without my fantastic shoes.

    My husband has agreed to play too. So here are his beginning statistics.

    Weight: 141.5 pounds. (He insists that I also tell you that with his guns and boots and clothing, his weight is 153 pounds.) His goal is to weigh at least 145.

    Waist: 30.25 inches. Goal: 29

    Hips: 36.25 inches (Yes, my ass is way bigger than my hubby’s.) Goal: None

    Chest: 37.5 inches. Goal: 38-40

    Biceps: 11.75 inches. Goal: at least 13.

    So if we each achieve our goals, the net weight of our household shouldn’t really change. I lose it, he’ll gain it, and all will be well. I will post another update next Saturday. Hopefully, we’ll have some more players by then.

    And yeah, after taking my measurements and stepping on the scale, I had to get out my ab roller almost immediately.

    2009 Challenge!

    I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year’s Eve and that 2009 is starting off well.

    I don’t generally make New Year’s resolutions because I suck at keeping them. One year, I actually resolved not to make resolutions. Yes, I realize that is self defeating. This year, I’m doing it a little different. I figure a little accountability will help. Of maybe a lot. From strangers. On the internet. I’m nuts.

    Like a lot of people, I’m not in the kind of shape I would like to be in. I’ve got to do something about it because I don’t want to wind up looking like my mother (sorry mom). I’m not big, but I’ve been in much better shape before. I don’t know that I’ve ever been in worse shape than I am right now. So I decided I would be very public about my progress. I plan to post my weight and measurements here every week this year. I need to obtain a scale this weekend, so I can’t do it today. This way, I can track my progress and so can you.

    But why should I keep all the fun to myself? Join me, will you? I’ll even take the pressure off. You don’t have to give starting numbers, just a plus or minus pounds and inches. Email me (jennifer AT injennifershead DOT com) your info, and I will track it. You can even be anonymous if you like. (You have to tell me who you are, but I pinky swear that I will not share the information if you don’t want me to.) If you choose to be anonymous, I’ll just list you as challenger 1, 2, 3 etc. This way, we can have accountability and a little friendly competition.

    If you want to play along, let me know by January 10th. I will need height, weight, chest, waist, and hip measurements. (On weight and measurements, you can use X if you only want to publish amount of change.) Also, let me know whether or not I can reveal your identity. If enough people play along, I will see what I can do about scrounging up some prizes.

    Whether you play along or not, check back for my updates/progress. You can give me encouragement or tell me that I need to get my floppy butt back on the treadmill. I can take it. I plan to take a couple of before pictures, but I don’t plan to share them just yet. If you want to do the same, it’s completely up to you.

    And I will go first. This weekend, I will either purchase, refurbish, or gain access to a scale and get my stats posted. Good luck to everyone!

    Update:  Here are the starting statistics