Friday Fluff: Darwin Edition

Every day, people exit the gene pool.  Once in a while, someone decides to do it in a spectacularly stupid fashion.

A man crashed his car into a power pole.  Car accidents involving a car and a stationary object happen regularly too, generally leaving the driver of said vehicle feeling pretty stupid.  And this was no different.  The car accident did not kill him.  In fact, he escaped unharmed and called a relative to pick him up.

While he was waiting, he heard nature’s call and chose to relieve himself there on the side of the road.  On a power line.  A live power line.

Deputy Pimentel says that Messengers’ family found him electrocuted in the ditch when they arrived, and burn marks indicated that Messenger’s stream of urine brought a shocking jolt of electricity up his…

Yeah.  Wow.

I swear.  I did not make this up.  Here’s the link.

When you see warning labels on things, remember that they were probably written for this guy.  And also, this guy’s vote counted just as much as yours.  Now that he’s gone, it will probably count twice.

Friday Fluff: Emo Bunny

He’s just so misunderstood.  No one loves him.  No one really gets him.  Everyone just tells him that he’s cute.  Makes him want to cut himself.  And wear his little sisters jeans.  Just look how he exudes angst.

Emo bunny wants you to stop looking at him now.  He’s going to his room to listen to his whiny music and write poetry about the girls that never give him the time of day.

Friday Fluff: Desktop Organization

I got this in my department’s dirty Santa Party.

You can get one too.  Right here.  (yep, that’s a affiliate link.  If you click and buy, I make a little scratch.)

And he’s hilarious.  He has a magnet in his butt to pick up the paperclips.  I set him up immediately.  Now there’s a little green guy sitting on a toilet on my desk.  And hey, no smell!

I suppose munching on my pen doesn’t really cause smell issues.

But!  He needs a name.  So, help me name the green toilet guy!  Best name gets…Attention!  And BOLD font! And…and…um…  More attention!  Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Friday Fluff:Snuggie Sutra

No comment needed for this.  Just a lot of snickering.

*I know, short post.  Busy day.  Helped set up for the corporate luncheon.  Sang for the luncheon.  Cleared centerpieces from the tables.  Tried to still be somewhat productive at my job (the real one with a paycheck).  Smiled and said lots of thank yous for the accolades and compliments for the singing.  It was recorded; I don’t have a copy yet.  Rumor has it that it has been posted on Facebook.

Friday Fluff: Christmas Displays

I’m sure you’ve all seen this one


You know he’s in the spirit.

And then there’s this

Peeing Santa
Peeing Santa

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Every once in a while, you find a decoration that is downright creepy.

Santa toilet cover
Santa toilet cover

Why?  Do you have some sick fantasy about sitting on Santa’s face?  Must you announce that to your guests?  And the INTERNET!?  Really?  I just know that I don’t want to see the rest of this house.

And then, there’s commercial window paintings.  This one is from my local grocery store.  Yeah, I stopped in the parking lot and whipped out my camera phone just for your entertainment.  This was taken the day before Thanksgiving, and remarkably, no one tried to run me over.  The things I do to entertain the internet.

TarSanta...err...Santazan...Captain CAAAAAAAVE Elf!!!

“Me Santa, you shopper.”  The last words you will hear before being smacked over the head with a giant candy cane.  Visions of sugar plums and all.

I love the ‘come hither’ look on his face.  It’s like he wants to sweep you up in his horribly deformed arms.  Just look at the bulging biceps and stick like forearms.  He’s bribing you with the amazing levitating gift card.  And the thumb of his left hand…  Yikes!  Maybe I should return to my local grocer with a big black CENSORED sign.  This is a family friendly establishment.  You know, the kind where the customers don’t run over girls with cell phones in the parking lot.

There is a similarly burly elf gracing the windows near the west doors.  Thankfully, we’ve not been subjected to Bruce Hall’s version of Mrs. Claus.

Friday Fluff: Unmentionable Twilight

Um.  Ewe.  Really?

You have to visit the link to see the inside.  Thank you Anne for yet another thing that I cannot unsee.

Can anyone explain this Twilight thing to me?  Nope, haven’t read any of it.  I can’t imagine being terribly compelled by a teenage hormone fest revolving around a feminine sparkly vampire.  Why is that face on the cover of so many magazines?  And has he only ever taken one picture?  Or is it that the pouty, sullen expression is the only one in his repetoire?  He’s got a strange growth on his head that looks like it smells and yet so many grown women swoon over him.  Seriously?

Ladies, you do realize that you’re lusting after a guy that makes Tom Cruise look masculine.

Well, kind of.

But you know what this looks like to me?

Unibrow.  Know a lot of vampires that need regular facial waxing appointments?  Is this sexy?

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Friday Fluff: Cat Fashion

Yeah, I’ve been negligent in my fluff posts and we’ve all been needing them.  Sorry!

Is your feline fashion forward?  Have you ever wished that kitty could coordinate with your newest frock?  Well wish no more!

Yes, United Bamboo is making ready to wear for Mittens.  Meeee-Ow!  Kitty Couture.

She’s to sexy for her collar.  Too sexy for her collar.  So sexy she hollars!

She’s too sexy for Milan.  Too sexy for Milan.  New York.  Not Japan.

She’s a Tabby, you know what I mean.

As she does her little turn on the cat walk.

Yeah on the cat walk.  On the cat walk yeah.

As she does her little turn on the cat walk…

Did you know that Tokyo has the world’s busiest cat modeling agency?  Me neither.  Didn’t realize there was a call for that sort of thing.

Could explain why Emerson is turning Japanese, he thinks he’s turning Japanese, he really thinks so.  I suppose I should tell him that at 12.5 pounds, his modeling career does not look promising.  And even though chicks dig scars, magazines don’t.

Wait!  That could explain everything!  He is Emo.  He’s depressed about his runway career.  I should have known.

Friday Fluff: The Strange and Stranger

Apparently, this is a shoe.

I have to admit, I’m fascinated.  It’s certainly not like any shoe I’ve ever seen.  And trust me, I’ve seen a lot of shoes.  I’d really like to see a foot in it.  Being flat-footed, I wouldn’t miss the arch support.  It’s certainly strange.

Almost as strange as a naked woman running into a construction site yelling, “Who wants me?”  But that would never happen.  Or would it?

And if it did, surely the average catcalling construction worker wouldn’t run away and hide.  Or maybe they would.

I’ve heard the old saying about how blonds have so much more fun.  If this is how they go about it, they’ve got a strange idea of what is fun.  I suppose a construction site would be the place to go to get nailed…